


AKA Misdirected

by prec7ous



Series: AKA Nightmares and Fairytales [1]
Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Alias Investigations, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Auras - canon divergence, Domestication, F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Killgrave trigger, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Rape Recovery, Something you never say, Trish Talk, best friends to something more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-05-16 18:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5835427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prec7ous/pseuds/prec7ous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>** REWROTE CH1-5. All chapters now in present tense (or something) **<br/>It takes place a week or so after the events from the first season. Please disregard the last scene in which Malcolm and Jessica are seen at her office taking messages in relation with her P.I. work. In this fic she initially takes a break from all that. Edit: she'll be back at it in later chapters.</p><p>Please remember that this is a Jessica Jones fic. It will have mentions of alcohol abuse, panic-attacks, mental/physical abuse (due to Killgrave & Dorothy) and may reflect back on certain events happened in Jessica's and/or Trish' past. Also, a lot of expletives (but limited to three kinds).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. AKA Message

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first fic ever, I hope you like it. Can you guys believe this started out as a one shot?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish gets mugged and needs stitches. Luckily, Jessica is there to help. Trish doesn't know what to do now that her phone is gone.. But why is that so important to her?

"I need you to sit still, Trish."

She clumsily tries to stitch the wound on Trish' abdomen but her focus is quickly fading. The blonde takes in a shuddering breath but winces loudly when Jessica pierces the needle back into her skin.

"That's what you get when you don't let go of your damn purse," Jessica snaps at Trish. If only she would just stop putting herself in compromising situations... But thoughts like that are in vain because who was she to judge Trish?

"What was so damn important that you just couldn't give it up?" she wonders out loud.

Trish keeps silent as Jessica remembers to clean the wound with alcohol midway into her stitching process. She raises her eyebrows in surprise and mild concern as Trish didn't mention it either. Was she really still that out of it?

Jessica has one hand on Trish' abdomen while she works. She has to consciously remind herself to stay focused on the task at hand rather than Trish' silky smooth skin that seems to get hotter by the second. Is Trish having a fever or Jessica? At this point, she has no clue.

Trish has trouble breathing herself but Jessica chalks it up to the stabbing pain she must be feeling. Of course, it has nothing to do with her...

"Isn't it funny how the roles are reversed this time?" Trish speaks and effectively draws Jessica back from her thoughts.

"You're a fucking idiot," Jessica mutters under her breath. Of course, only Trish would see the stupid humor in this.

She doesn't miss the way Trish smiles softly at her and Jessica's heart melts at the sight.

"Damn it."

After spending a good five minutes fiddling with the gauze, Jessica looks up at Trish feeling slightly proud that she could do this. OK, she was more than just a little proud. "All done."

Trish looks down at her torso and immediately stifles a laugh. Jessica did a terrible job. The gauze is wrapped way past the stab wound and the wrapping itself is too tight to comfortably breathe and move - but, because it was Jessica who did it, Trish can't help but not only feel grateful but also loved. The stitches, however, will hurt like hell to take out.

"Next time, I'll take my chances at the ER after all," Trish says signaling her abdomen.

Jessica furrows her eyebrows in confusion and speaks in a demanding tone like that's going to keep the universe from letting Trish get hurt.

"There won't be a next time, Trish."

Unable to keep her eyes open from the dizziness, Trish leans into Jessica and tries her hardest not to faint again.

**

_Jessica wasn't home, so Trish was on her way back home when it happened. Her Krav Maga skills didn't do her any good this time as her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Jessica. Trish was disappointed that she didn't get to see her. She had actually waited quite a while inside Jessica's apartment before she headed out. The only reason she could wait inside was because her window was currently decorating her floor yet again. The blonde made a mental note of order Jessica another glass window with 'Alias Investigations' embedded into it. She was thinking that maybe 'Please, don't break this window,' would be a better idea when it all went wrong._

_He crept up from behind her with a knife - what Trish was somewhat prepared for. What she didn't expect was him having a second knife which he only revealed while it was already sticking out of her abdomen. All he wanted was her $700 bag, which she refused to give up. It wasn't like she could care less about it, no, the only thing on Trish' mind was her phone._

_The sting from the knife wound made Trish lose consciousness before she could attempt to grab her bag back and the guy couldn't walk away without haste. Trish eventually managed to get up and walk out of the alleyway the man cleverly led her into._

_Cursing herself for being tricked this easily, she knew that bleeding all over a cab rushing to the ER wasn't a particularly good idea. If the press got a hold of a photo, rumors would be widespread about what supposedly happened. So, she opted to walk home as she was only a few blocks away, figuring she could probably patch herself up. It wasn't like she didn't have plenty of practice._

_Meanwhile, Jessica was just about to jump off of Trish' balcony when she heard the distinct slamming of a door. What she saw next made her blood crawl._

_Trish dragged herself over the floor. Though Jessica couldn't hear it, she saw the look of despair on Trish' face as she imagined the whimpers and gasps coming out of Trish' mouth._

_Jessica knocked hard on the balcony window and inadvertently added a little more force with each knock. She tried her hardest not to go as far and actually break the glass but it wasn't her top priority either. "Trish!" she cried out helplessly. It sounded like her heart spilled out with it._

_She finally got Trish' attention and a sign of relief and slight panic combined washed over her face._

_Trish wasn't sure how she unlocked the door. The only thing she could remember was how Jessica caught her before she would fell to the floor. When she came to, she was too embarrassed and couldn't look Jessica in the eyes. She felt really silly as the cut wasn't even that deep. It was probably all the blood._

**

Jessica ventures into the kitchen and pulls open the cabinet in which Trish keeps in that fancy whiskey for her. She decides to be civil and searches for a glass. She finds a long glass; it's not the right kind of glass but it would have to do.

As Jessica approaches Trish again with the filled glass, Trish raises her eyebrows.

"A glass? Did I die, or am I dreaming?"

Jessica just scoffs at her as she tugs on Trish' feet until she moves them. Once Jessica settles in, she moves them back causing a shy smile to creep onto Jessica's face. She downs her glass at once and wishes she would've taken the whole carafe with her instead.

An easy quiet settles around them. The TV isn't on and none of them are speaking. They are both content just being in each other's presence. The fact that their legs are touching causes both of them to breathe a tad bit faster but deeper than normally would be the case. Neither of them moves until Trish tries to prop herself up and winces at her own movement. Jessica immediately gets up and kneels at her side.

"Are you okay?" she asks with genuine concern.

"Yes." Is what Trish thinks she said. She can't think straight with Jessica's face so close to her own. She wants to kiss her but knows it's a sure way to make Jessica run for the hills without looking back. Shaking her head, as to rid herself of thoughts, she tells Jessica it was the phone that she didn't want to lose.

"Your phone?" Jessica questions, "You can buy a hundred of those and it would still feel like pocket change to you." She's thoroughly confused while all Trish can think about is the message Jessica sent to her:

||                        _'Penthouse. I love you.'_

Trish made a habit of reading it everything she felt the world shift slightly underneath her feet, or when she couldn't sleep at night. It reminded her of that look on Jessica's face on the docks, right when she told her that she loved her.

At first, Trish wasn't sure whether Jessica meant it or not. But as she saw the flickering in Jessica's eyes, she knew. She knew that Jessica meant the words she was saying. That there was truth to it. All felt right in that moment and Trish wanted it to last forever. To be suspended in time.

That text message was, in a way, a reminder that it was real. That it happened. That Jessica finally said those words after all those years. That she didn't imagine it like she did numerous of times before.

Trish looks up at Jessica without saying a word. Jessica wants to look away, feeling all kinds of jittery inside but is somehow compelled to keep looking back into the world in Trish' eyes. It's when she realizes yet again how beautiful those eyes are. How lost she would get in them and how much she wants to wake up to the sight of it and of her, every single day. How she wants it to be the last thing she sees at night and the first thing when she wakes up.

Neither of them knows how much time passed when Trish whispers again.

"Your text message."

They still haven't broken eye contact and Jessica's mind is completely blank. She's unable to form any sort of thought, let alone think about what the fuck she could've sent that was so important to Trish. But then it hits her. All at once and out of nowhere.

Trish sees the exact moment that it dawns on Jessica. She sees the same flickering in Jessica's eyes and she can't help but smile at the sight. It isn't long before a Jessica breaks the spell by looking away.

Jessica promptly gets up and clears her throat. She walks off into the kitchen without a word about what just conspired.

"D-do you want some water or anything?" She tries to sound as normal as possible.

Tears well up in Trish' eyes for she had hoped more than anything to hear those three little, big words again. She swallowed hard knowing it would’ve been a very long shot. "I'm OK, thanks."

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Jessica rummages the cabinets looking for something. She mumbles obscenities to herself as neither of the places she looks in has the things she needs. Still out of Trish' vision, she opens a cupboard and finds a pen and a piece of paper.

It takes a while for Jessica to come back, but when she does, Trish notices the way Jessica behaves. She's fumbling with a loose thread on one of her gloves. It almost seems like she's nervous and Trish can't help but smirk at that image.

Jessica rolls her eyes and stands still before the couch Trish lies on.

As Trish tries to read Jessica's facial expression, a million things go through her mind. She has no idea what Jessica is up to and that realization is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. Trish sits up completely while Jessica seems frozen on the spot.

Before Trish can ask Jessica what's going on, she regains her composure and sits down next to Trish.

"Here." Jessica hands her a piece of paper she had folded into two.

Unsure of what to say, Trish opens it up.

Jessica watches as Trish' face lights up like the sky, her smile as bright as the sun. She's eager to take in all of that happiness that Trish seems to radiate and unbeknownst to herself, scoots closer. A sudden tear rolls down Trish' face and concern washes over Jessica. She curses herself, thinking she had done the wrong thing but before she can get up and run off, Trish places a hand on her knee.

"Jess…" Trish' eyes are filled with unshed tears and Jessica is clueless as to why that is. They lock eyes and this time, it's Jessica that sees something in Trish' eyes.

As if Jessica expects Trish to say something, she instinctively leans in; barely visible. Trish smirks at the action and Jessica is starting to lose it. The quiet and turmoil on Trish' face is driving Jessica insane.

Trish sees the confusion in Jessica's eyes and leans in closer toward Jessica. It's like she's going to say something.

Only she doesn't. She never intended to.

Not breaking eye contact, mischief still in her eyes, she leans into Jessica's space. She lifts her hand from Jessica's knee, causing Jessica to involuntarily grunt. It's barely audible, though Trish heard it loud and clear. She slowly lifts her hands up to Jessica's face, leans all the way in and kisses Jessica with a kiss that's barely there.

Jessica is dumbstruck at the action. This was the last thing Jessica ever expected. No, scratch that. This wasn't something she indulged herself in, knowing it was never going to happen. Only, clearly, it did.

The realization that Trish is kissing her, hits her.

Trish doesn't know where her bravery comes from but when she feels that Jessica isn't kissing her back, she pulls away. It takes a few beats for her to open her eyes. Did she read Jessica wrong?

Trish opens her mouth, hellbent on saying something to make things right again, only nothing comes out.

Jessica, although still confused at the turn of events, doesn't waste another second and kisses Trish back with a little more hunger than she intended. Trish sighs into the kiss; relieved she didn't misread things. Their kiss is soft, it's tentative yet reassuring. It's a promise, it's hope for the future. And it gives Jessica the feeling like she can lift the moon.

They don't pull away after the kiss, their foreheads touching as Trish speaks in a whisper.

"If I'm still knocked out and bleeding out on the curb, I would die a happy woman right now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would **love to hear from you guys.** The good, the bad and everything in between.. Thanks for reading!  
>  \- prec7ous/n7ghtress.


	2. AKA We Bleed the Same Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish has a panic-attack while Jessica isn't there to talk her through it. She goes for the only thing she can think of to take the edge off.. Meanwhile Jessica can't find Trish and goes into somewhat of a PI-mode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for something a bit darker, more in the style of the show.

Trish fell asleep on the couch, still firmly gripping the piece of paper that Jessica gave her. The corners of her mouth are slightly lifted upward and her breaths are long and deep.

The ever-grumpy dark-haired woman feels like she's staring at an angel.

Beautiful. Peaceful.

She can't help but feel something. Something other than fear. Than wariness. It's almost like she's being the feel at ease herself. Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last long as Trish' breath starts to accelerate. It becomes shorter, uneven – shallow.

Trish starts squirming in her sleep and before Jessica could do something to reassure her, she wakes up screaming, "Noooo!"

She's unable to catch her breath until Jessica's face comes into view. She hears comforting words in Jessica's voice and she's confused.

Jessica's heart is working overtime. The sweet nothing's she's saying to Trish aren't meant to just calm her down, but also herself. The look on Trish' face when she woke up still haunts her mind.

"Ssshhttt, you're OK now. I'm here. You're OK. It was just a dream. Nothing more."

Jessica realized that she pretty much relayed the same things that Trish said to her a few months ago.

"I'm... I'm sorry. It was. I was. We were. I…"

Trish isn't sure whether she wants to say it out loud, and if so, how she's supposed to say it. She knows it will only end up hurting Jessica. She knew it was on Jessica's mind as well. That what has gone unspoken thus far. That what happened at the docks. What Jessica had let happen. It was necessary, Trish knew that. She understood it. She didn't blame Jessica for anything, but that didn't mean it didn't still haunt her.

_The taste of his lips on hers. Her tongue in his mouth. The weird sensation of being forced to kiss someone with so much emotion without feeling it – yet feeling it at the same time. The passion that seemingly came out of nowhere. The passion that wasn't her own. She fought it in her mind. Wanted to pretend it was someone else she was kissing, that it was Jessica. It was disgusting to have to taint the fantasy of kissing her, by kissing this… Monster. She pretended but at the same time, her mind knew who it was kissing. She knew and she loved it. She kissed without abandon. And no matter how much she wanted it to be someone else…_

_She kissed him with passion._

_When Jessica broke the curse by snapping this monster's neck, Trish had felt immediate relief, sure. But what she felt more was utter disgust towards herself. Because of what she did and what she had felt at the moment. It was conflict, yet so real. She felt disgusting; violated to her very core. Felt like she could never be close to someone again. Like nothing would ever be real again. Like she couldn't trust the world anymore. Like the kiss she initiated just hours ago was inherently wrong. She can't help but wonder whether Jessica thought she tasted like him. Trish can still feel him in her mouth, in her mind. Poking around memories, messing up her feelings._

"Trish?" Jessica gently shakes Trish - gently by Jessica's standards - to make her snap out of whatever it is that got her zoned out.

"S-sorry. He.."

Trish stops mid-sentence to gather her thoughts but it isn't until she sees the hurt in Jessica's eyes that she realized what she just said. One little two letter word that only specified gender was enough.

"I'm the one that should be sorry. Damn it." And just like that, Jessica swiftly turns around and leaves the apartment without a parting word.

Trish, still in a daze, speaks up too late. Jessica is already gone, the cold silence is all she left behind. It's not like Trish knew what to say either way.

'Don't leave. Please, come back. I need you. _(just as much as you need me.)_ '

She looks around for her phone. The thought of calling Jessica and make her come back is the only thing on her mind now. She needs to let her know that she doesn't blame her. That everything is OK. That all she wants and needs is for Jessica to come back. That nothing changed if she didn't want it to. That they are still the same. And most of all, that she was sorry if she took advantage of the state Jessica was in. She just needs to talk to Jessica - desperately. To clear the air. To know where they stand. To know if there's even a 'they' left. To know if there ever was, to begin with.

It's of no use.

The stitches sprung open from frantically searching her whole apartment for her phone. She only realizes that the device is gone right before she passes out. It could've been from the stabbing pain in her abdomen or because Jessica left her yet again. But it doesn't matter as the outcome is the same.

Jessica is still gone.

And Trish is bleeding on so many levels.

**

Jessica is already halfway across town when she realizes that she's outside and practically leaped from Trish' home. She tries to clear her head from invading thoughts and jumps a few times from rooftop to rooftop until she feels like she can breathe again. It isn't long until she finds herself in an alleyway not far from Luke's (former) place.

_Great. What the hell am I doing here? Going from one disaster to a nuclear one._

She turns around walks a few blocks away from that place and away from where Trish' apartment is located. She's unaware of the fact that she's hyperventilating but it doesn't matter as her breathing abruptly stops when she sees something happening just a few feet away.

It's a woman who's being pushed up against a concrete wall just outside a bar. As Jessica inches closer, she hears the woman plead to the big-bellied man to' just let me go.'

Jessica feels the coiled up anger beginning to manifest itself into her fists. Standing just two feet away, Jessica spoke loudly, slowly, calmly but with fire in her eyes.

"I believe the lady asked you nicely to let her go. I suggest you do that now and move along."

"And why would I do that exactly?" He eyes her up and down; sizing her up. It makes Jessica want to throw up.

The man smirks to himself. Probably thinking that she is no match for him. It isn't until Jessica steps out of the shadow and into the light of a nearby lamppost that all color instantly drains from his face. A look of horror, of recognition in his eyes.

"You're the one from the news. The one that lifted that man from the ground with one hand. Snapped his neck in front of all those people; cops," he stampers, voice trembling on every word.

Jessica notices that he's actually frozen in fear. A weird tingling sensation floods Jessica's body.

"Not so tough now, are you?"

"N-no. I’m sorry."

Just as Jessica is about to step forward, he bolts. He actually runs pretty fast for someone with that much additional weight. Jessica smirks at the sight.

"Psshh, probably for the best," she murmurs to herself.

The woman is about to thank Jessica, but Jessica just waves her hands in front of her as a way to stop her from saying anything.

"It's fine. Go home." She immediately stops paying attention to the woman in front of her and resumes her walk. When she turns into an alleyway she jumps up once again.

_I need a drink. Badly. And some sleep maybe._

She sets her mind on going home to her apartment when her sober mind connects two seemingly separate events. Killgrave commanding someone, and the way the pathetic guy just acted in front of her. He answered with fear, but truthfully, when she asked him if he was still feeling tough. It makes her sick to her stomach and before she can push the thought out her mind, she vomits into the gutter.

_I am not him. I am nothing like him. Am I?_

With the last of her money, she buys a Jim Beam. Barely out the store, she starts to gulp it down like it's water. Jessica can down half the bottle and still only feel a slight buzz. But it will have to do because it is all she can afford right now. She finds herself in a daze, feeling slightly better or at least not worse than before.

She reaches her apartment complex and stumbles to her door. She doesn't recall having sent for someone to come and fix her window yet again. _Trish should really mind her own goddamn business._ Of course, she immediately resents the thought. Trish is the most important person in her life. The only one she can even consider trusting, if she only has the guts to trust herself first.

With the remembrance of her mantra 'always deal with it tomorrow if possible' taken into account, she falls asleep on her bed with the Jim Beam bottle still in her hand. She didn't even bother to take off her boots or jacket.

The next morning Jessica wakes up confused. She sits up for a few seconds, only to realize that she's home. The reality or what happened dawns on her rather quickly and she hates herself again. She has trouble shaking the nightmares to the nightmares herself, but she was 'used to it' by now. It's even beginning to feel normal to her, like a sick habit or something. But it shouldn't be the case for Trish. Jessica knows that Trish deserves better than that.

She's torn between checking up on Trish, and keeping as much distance as humanly possible. She wants nothing more than to be close to Trish, but she knows that she can't live with the guilt of what she did to her best friend, her only friend (besides Malcolm, who is a pain in the ass anyway.)

She opts to casually land on Trish' balcony, hoping to be as quiet as possible and peer through the curtains just to see whether Trish is OK. If she is, she can leave just as quickly. And if not.. Well. That isn't really an option. Trish has to be OK.

The curtains are open and Jessica has full view of Trish' living room and open kitchen. The blonde, however, is nowhere to be seen. Jessica edges near the end of the window to peek into her bedroom. It's hard to see but the bed was in view just enough for Jessica to make out that there is no one in it. Trish doesn't appear to be home.

A spike of worry and adrenaline reaches Jessica's heart. _Where the fuck is she? She's hurt and shouldn't just leave like th-_ Jessica cuts off her own train of thought when she realizes her own hypocrisy. _Get it together, Jones._ Of course, that's easier said than done. She decides to go and find Trish.

Where would she go?

The first thing Jessica thinks about is how Trish mocked her stitching skills. It's not a stretch that maybe she went to someone that knows what the fuck they're doing. Maybe it got infected or something.

"No one has checked in by the name of Patricia Walker." Jessica knows it's the truth as she has been listed as Trish' emergency contact since after they ran away from Mrs. Walker.

Now what?

Jessica paces around just outside the hospital. _Maybe something happened; maybe she's in danger._ All sorts of horrible things go through Jessica's mind and she goes to the only other place she can think of; Trish' workplace, the studio.

Trish' assistant seems to recognize Jessica and eases her past security. "Hi, Jessica, right? Trish isn't here. She took a leave of absence for personal issues."

"Yes, I know but I thought that maybe she changed her mind and came here?" she tries to sound as professional as possible while she thinks about where to go next.

The assistant turns toward security with a look that says 'answers the woman's question.'

"Miss. Walker hasn't been in for a few days now."

And before the assistant could ask or say something else, Jessica already left.

There's only one more place Jessica can think of. She's well aware that it's the last place that Trish wants to be found dead at, but she needs to cross off all possibilities. Out of sheer despair, she takes the subway and gets out at the third stop. It's not difficult for Jessica to find this place, as she always keeps track of where this woman is – to make sure she stays away from Trish.

She goes through the double doors and heads upstairs. She's taken aback when it looks like she walked into some kind of middle school. There are dozens of kids rehearsing lines, mothers hushing their kids and nudging them to practice their lines some more. It disgusts Jessica as she cannot understand how anyone could want this willingly. She knows that Trish hardly ever did.

Not wanting to waste any time, she opens the door to the audition room. There she was, sitting in a chair, watching some little girl do a version of an _It's Patsy_ episode. Jessica can't help but feel sorry for whoever gets the role and has to listen to this woman on set.

"Have you seen Trish?" Jessica sneers at Dorothy, effectively cutting off the little girl in the middle of her lines. Mrs. Walker immediately turns around at the voice.

"Ah, Jessica! Long time no see. Patricia, you say? No, I haven't seen her around. Did she finally decide to ditch you? How lovely!"

The mocking tone in Dorothy's voice makes Jessica's blood boil and it takes every ounce of self-control to not throw a chair right at Dorothy's head.

"Don’t get any ideas. Our deal still applies," Jessica shouts as she exits the room and then the building.

This was getting her nowhere. Jessica's anxiety is building up and she longs for another drink. There's only one more thing she can do and that's going back to Trish' apartment to try and find some clues as to where Trish went.

For the first time in well over a year, Jessica uses the elevator to get to Trish' apartment. The doorman greets her by name before tipping his hat to her. A warm feeling settles in her stomach at the knowledge that this man remembers her, but when she consciously notices the corner of her mouth moving up a little, she instinctively replaces it with a frown.

Jessica is now standing in front of the fortified door and she rings the doorbell.

There's no reply.

Jessica turns her pockets inside out and finds the key she's looking for. She isn't sure if it will still work but she tries it anyway. The lock turns but the door doesn't open. _Odd._ She turns to face the screen where Trish' face would've appeared if she was home but the screen stays black.

She apparently only managed to get past the first of all the countermeasures Trish put in place before someone could enter her apartment. Jessica can't help but feel a bit proud of Trish. She had managed to keep her out. Jessica knows that she wouldn't be able to break down this door without making a lot of noise; noise that would certainly find its way to the neighbors or at least the doorman. _Impressive._

Defeated, Jessica leaves but only to jump right back onto Trish' balcony. She mentally apologizes to Trish and swiftly breaks the door lock.

"Trish? Are you there?"

No answer.

Jessica ventures into the living room and finds dried up blood on a blanket near the couch. She starts to panic. "Trish?!" She immediately walks toward the in-home gym that she couldn't see before through the window. She hopes Trish is in there doing her ninja stuff but she isn't.

Jessica's breathing is getting out of control now. Her mind goes in a million directions. She needs to calm down before she can even begin to help Trish. Alcohol. She needs it, so she goes into the kitchen to get a taste of that fancy whiskey that Trish keeps for her.

The carafe from yesterday is nowhere to be found.

_Did I drink it all yesterday? No. I used a glass. I only had one glass. Just one._

Then Jessica hears something. A snickering coming from down the hall.

There's someone inside.

Hoping it's Trish, she runs toward the sound coming from the master bedroom. She knocks on the door once before opening it quickly, not waiting for an answer.

There's Trish. Half lying, half sitting underneath the sink. She looks miserable. Her eyes tiredly go up to look up at Jessica. She wants to speak but can only manage something that's supposed to be "hey," yet sounds more like a sigh.

In an instant, Jessica is at Trish' side. She holds her hands on Trish' shoulders in order to stabilize her. Just as she's about to speak, the smell of alcohol floods her brain. Jessica is pretty sure it's not the Jim Beam she gulped down last night as she's sober now. She doesn't want to think about the alternative, but cannot die the truth when she sees the missing carafe – empty – at Trish' side.

She's getting angry. She knows she has no right to judge Trish, or to even say something about it as she herself is an alcoholic. But this is Trish. Trish is better than she ever was or could be. Trish went to rehab and cleaned herself up. Trish got better.

Another spike of hate tinged at Jessica's heart. She hates herself. Trish keeps the alcohol for _her_ despite it being a huge trigger. Despite everything, Trish still put Jessica first, while Jessica did everything she could to push Trish away – yet again.

_It's my fault. Trish had a relapse because of me. It's all my fault. I should've never let her in again. Then none of this would've happened._

Trish slowly pushes Jessica's hands away from her shoulders. Slurring her words, she says something along the lines of "I'm fine. Don't worry."

And in that moment, it hits Jessica.

It finally hits her.

This would be exactly what she herself would say if the roles were reversed. The way Jessica is looking at Trish right now is exactly how Trish would look at Jessica when she would be drunk out of her mind and wanted to be left to her own devices.

Suddenly, Jessica feels miserable. She finally understands Trish.

She finally realizes that they bleed the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would **love to hear from you guys.** The good, the bad and everything in between.. Thanks for reading!  
>  \- prec7ous/nightress.


	3. AKA Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking and making decisions...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos!

Trish still lies on the cold tiled floor. Jessica paces the bathroom, contemplating her next move. She resisted every urge to yell at Trish. The frustration becomes unbearable, because... She can't justify that staying away from Trish would help her. No, she can't do that anymore. She left yesterday and now she inadvertently destroyed the only person she cares about.

Jessica did the exact thing she desperately tried to avoid at all costs. She wanted Trish to live, to thrive, and most of all, to be happy - without her getting in the way of all that. Almost getting lost in her thoughts, she stops in her tracks and looks at the hot mess on the floor.

They still hadn't really spoken to each other.

Without thinking, Jessica grabs Trish with the intent to put her in bed. She snakes one arm around Trish' knees while the other supports her back. Without too much trouble, Trish rests her head on Jessica's neck and sighs into her ear.

"Always a hero, huh."

Jessica stops moving for a brief second, letting those words sink in, before resuming her pace to Trish' bedroom. _Hero? I'm the Goddamn reason you had a relapse and you're calling me a hero? Yeah.. You're clearly out of it._

She puts Trish down and haphazardly tucks her in, all without actually responding to the comment. Trish wastes no time and immediately closes her eyes while settling in.

Jessica goes back into the bathroom and grabs the carafe. Her first instinct is to smash it to a thousand little pieces, but that really wouldn't help anyone. She dumps it in the trash instead.

"No more alcohol around Trish," she confidently whispers to herself.

She walks around the apartment and checks all the cabinets and dressers to make sure that there isn't another liquor stash but luckily comes up empty. Jessica sighs out slowly, calming herself down with that knowledge.

She peeks into Trish' bedroom and notices the wheezing coming from the blonde. She concludes that Trish must still be in pain. Carefully removing Trish' shirt up, she sees that the bandage is almost completely dark red. Jessica briefly puts her hand on it before putting the shirt down again and covering Trish' body with the duvet.

Jessica sits down on the edge of the bed and stares at the place she knows the wound is located. Absentmindedly, she thinks about all she did wrong.

_What am I supposed to do now? I'm not equipped to deal with all this._

Feeling tired and heavy with thoughts, she puts her head and torso onto the bed with her legs dangling off the bed. She wants to be close to Trish but she can't allow herself to be too close either.

 

**

To her own surprise, Jessica wakes up first. It's probably due to the lack of alcohol in her system. She feels grumpier than ever and wants nothing more than a little to numb the pain.

_No. No more alcohol. I need to be here for Trish._

Jessica, being on an almost exclusive liquid diet for quite some time, is standing in Trish' kitchen completely oblivious on how to make breakfast. It feels like she had forgotten what a knife could do beyond stabbing and slashing. She starts rummaging through cupboards and finds some bread to make a PB&J sandwich. _Surely Trish must have all the ingredients, her being Trish and all._

Back in the day, Trish used to be the one to make them food. Jessica always just teased Trish for being a kitchen princess but secretly admired her. Trish, perfectly capable of seeing through Jess' bullshit through years and years of practice, knew that of course.

Absentmindedly, Jessica takes a bite of one of the sandwiches she just made. She almost gags on it. _How is it possible to mess up a simple PB &J sandwich?! Really, Jones..._

She's tempted to go out and get some breakfast instead, but she doesn't want to risk Trish waking up to an empty house again. Instead, she internally curses half the world and takes another jab at making breakfast. Luckily, making coffee proofs to be a lot easier. That's only when she figured out how that damn rocket-science machine of Trish worked. She takes a sip of the coffee and adds more milk. After she ingested something akin to a drug inside her, she feels like the day should go OK if the universe would be on her side for once. On their side.

Jessica proudly takes the prepared breakfast to Trish' room. Trish is still asleep and Jessica isn't sure whether she should wake her up or not. Luckily for her, she doesn't have to decide as it doesn't take long before the aroma of the coffee reaches Trish' nose.

"Mmm... Is that a latte macchiato?" Trish opens her eyes and is fairly surprised that not only Jessica is still here, but that she woke up before she did and even made breakfast. Especially because of the breakfast.

Her head is pounding, making her groggy. She tries to sit up and adjust her eyes to the sunlight. The motion makes her groan in agony as she grips her head, hoping that it brings some solace.

Alcohol will do that to ya." Jessica tries to sound as flat as possible but it still stings at Trish' heart.

"Yea.."

Not wanting to make it difficult for Trish, Jessica shoves the plate on Trish' lap. "Eat."

"Thanks, Jess."

Jessica nods and disappears into the kitchen again.

Trish bites into her sandwich and can't help but giggle at the excessive amount of jelly dripping out onto the plate. Still, she is thankful. Thankful that Jessica didn't leave again or at least not yet. It is only because she can hear Jessica fumbling with her coffee machine that she feels at ease enough to eat at all.

She's scared of being all alone. Yesterday proved that. Jessica ran off and Trish had a full blown panic attack. She didn't know how to handle one as Jess was always there at her side when she used to have them as a child. Jessica had always been her Beacon, her home base. And with that gone, Trish grabbed the only thing in her vicinity that could take the edge off. That could numb everything she was feeling; that could block everything she was thinking. But she took too much and the liquid amber burned in her throat. She limped toward the bathroom where the cold tiles soothed her body. The only place she could lean against the wall was under the sink, so that's where she settled in. She had been meaning to at least get a pillow or blanket, but she was unable to move far. Her vision was blurry and, quite frankly, she felt herself being content for the time being.

That's all different now that she's sipping her latte - which by the way has exactly the right amount of milk in it if you ask Trish. She knows she made a mistake, but she couldn't see another option at the time. And it wasn't that big of a deal. She knows not to touch that stuff. It's just that she needs to find a way to cope with her panic attacks and nightmares when Jessica isn't around.

Actually, she needs to find a way to cope when Jessica isn't around, period. The previous time she had Krav Maga and her radio talk show to keep her busy. This time she has Killgrave issues. No Krav Maga or work is ever going to fix that.

She is still going over her options when Jessica approaches the room again, stopping just short of the door.

"Can... Can I come in again?" Jessica asks while she fumbles around with her gloved fingers.

"You don't have to ask Jess. Yes."

Jessica silently ventures into the room, seemingly looking for something. Perhaps the right words to say. Trish carefully trails her movements for a while, until she can't take the pacing anymore.

"Would you please sit down?"

Jessica sits down on the edge of Trish' bed, thinking that Trish should really put a chair in there.

Trish' thoughtfully puts the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth and swallows before speaking up. "Thank you."

"Wha-? What for?"

"Everything. For coming back for me. For staying. For still being here. And for this." Trish signaled her now empty plate. "I know I made a mistake, Jess. I know. And I won't do it again. It's just that.." Trish trails off unsure of how to say the next part.

Jessica interjects: "It's just that I'm a piece of shit that got you into trouble and now you're in the middle of a relapse. This is all my fault and I should stay as far away from you as possible. I bring disaster with me everywhere I go."

Trish can't believe what she's hearing. "Why don't you understand that I don't want to stay away from you. I don't want you to leave. You don't need to protect me. I'd rather... I..." She doesn't want to finish that sentence because it would be emotional blackmail. She can't do that to Jessica.

Trish sighs. "I don't know what to do. You can do whatever the hell you want, it's your life. I just wish that you'd include me in it. That you'd consider me close enough to be in it. That you'd let me be the exception to you pushing everyone away."

This was getting too much for Jessica. "I'm not good with this," she whispers to herself while thinking about what to say.

It is loud enough for Trish to hear, so she interrupts. "You don't need to be good at it. You just, well, need to stay. Or at least not run away. And if you do, don't ignore me for months. I'd like to be a part of your life. I wish you'd think the same way. But.." She scrapes her throat and says the following in the most serious, professional, radio-like tone she can muster, scared she might break down otherwise. "But if you don't want that, or don't feel the same way. I understand. I'll let you go, but if you do. We're through. I cannot handle you being gone, so if you must, then don't come back." As much as she didn't want to, her voice broke on the last part of the sentence. She had to swallow a few times to hold back the tears.

It's quiet for a long time. It looked like neither of them breathed. Jessica is having trouble registering what Trish said except for the part that Trish had just confronted her with an ultimatum.

_Leave and never come back, or stay and face it all together._

Jessica wants nothing more than the latter but her way of life always led her to do the first. Take the easy way out and always regret it later. Getting another drink just to forget it ever happened. Only she never forgot. Even when she took so much alcohol that she couldn't remember her own name anymore - the emotions, the feelings, always stayed with her.

Trish speaks up again, just to break the silence that is killing her right now. "I know what I'm asking of you but I need an answer, Jessica."

Jessica needs alcohol. She feels the anxiety rise over her. Trish can also sense it but decides to keep still and silent. Jessica has to make a decision on her own, and Trish had said everything she wanted.

Everything except for 'I love you. I need you. I want you.' But that is too selfish. Too emotional. Jessica needs to stay of her own accord and not because Trish pushes her to stay.

Jessica never mentioned to Trish that she felt loved when Trish stayed around even though Jessica said to steer clear of her. That Trish kept caring way too much while she only pushed her away. That Trish wouldn't let anyone hurt her, even if it meant getting hurt herself. Trish is too kind, way too kind for someone like Jessica to be associated with - at least, that's what Jessica always thought. Then again, she also wants to protect Trish no matter what.

Without looking at Trish, Jessica says: "I love you."

"I know." _I love you too,_ she wants to say, but she needs to know Jessica's answer first.

"Killgrave was right. You're the only one I've ever loved. But not in the way he thought."

This makes Trish smile. She knows. They both do. It was just never established like this.  
 "I know."

"Wait, you do?" Jessica looks at Trish with surprise.

"Hello, we _kissed_ yesterday! Do you not remember?"

Ha, how could she forget? If anything, she thought Trish forgot though due to the loss of blood and passing out and drinking afterward. Or...

"That meant something. I know you felt it too," Trish whispers the last part.

"I did. I just thought maybe you went for the booze because you wanted to forget," Jessica says without missing a beat.

Now Trish is the one that is utterly confused. She starts speaking but it is incoherent. She takes a breath and asks Jessica again. "What is your answer? Telling me you love me is not an answer, as much as I love hearing it."

Jessica hates this. Trish' ability to see right through her bullshit. She simultaneously also loves it. Instead of answering, like a normal person, she decides to show Trish. She was never good with words anyway. Jessica quickly gets up from the edge of the bed she is still sitting on.

Trish heart skips a beat and sinks thinking that Jessica is going to walk out on her.

Jessica doesn't.

She walks over to Trish and places a kiss on her forehead. _I love you._ She trails Trish' face with the back of her hand and slowly nudges Trish' chin so that Trish looks directly into her eyes.

"Did you know that the eyes are the gateway to the soul?"

"What?!" Trish flares her hands up thinking Jessica is messing with her.

"- Or some bullshit like that."

And with that, Jessica grabs Trish' hands and leans in.

Trish groans into Jessica's mouth until she loses herself in the kiss. Tasting faint alcohol in both their mouths, they keep kissing until the only taste is them. Just them.

Jessica, feeling intoxicated like no booze ever could, slowly pulls away. Still in Trish' space, she says:  
 "I'm moving in."

"Jess... That's still not an answer."

"It is... It means that if I decide to leave at any given time, I'll come back here. Because this is home. You're my home."

Trish can't help but smile at this. It's even better than whatever answer she could have imagined. She finally feels like she can say it without feeling the hurt of Jessica leaving again.  
 "I love you, Jess."

"Well, about time you said it back, you idiot. I was almost getting a complex."

Now they're both laughing. Trish slowly pats the space next to her in bed. "If you want...", she trails off, leaving Jesus to fill in the blanks.

"Meh, I figure I have some time left before heading to the office." Instead of walking over to the other side, Jessica playfully moves over Trish to get to the spot.

"Stop looking at my ass," Jessica playfully says to Trish.

"You're not giving me any other choice."

In the same playful manner, Trish pulls Jessica onto her chest, fully expecting Jessica to push herself away or retaliate in some way – only she doesn't.

This time, Jessica allows Trish to hold her instead of the other way around.  
This time, she allows herself to be loved for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would **love to hear from you guys.** The good, the bad and everything in between.. Thanks for reading!  
>  \- prec7ous/n7ghtress.


	4. AKA Thrown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish & Jessica just understand each others needs. Jessica didn't forget about sweet Malcolm aaaaaand the plot thickens when Jessica goes out to buy tea ;)... And by tea I mean tea, and not that other liquid amber!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments :)!

"Jess?" Trish speaks softly like she doesn't want to wake her up and rather just lie there anyway.  
 Jessica lies half on top of Trish - still fast asleep. Her head is on Trish' chest and their legs are intertwined. Trish has her left arm under Jessica's shoulder with her hand touching her waist while her other hand is now stroking hair out of Jessica's face.

Not only are they cuddling – which is surprising enough in itself – their positions clearly indicate that Jessica let herself be at the mercy of Trish and the blonde can't remember a single time Jessica signed over control to anyone, ever. The blonde feels immense happiness. Maybe the fact that the woman next to her looks so peaceful in the middle of it all, has something to do with it as well.

Trish' stomach starts growling. She tries to move her arm from under Jessica, but the move makes Jessica shiver from the lack of warmth. Trish waits a couple seconds to make her next move; she takes her own pillow and slides it under the woman's shoulder as she pushes herself away. Content that she won't wake up, Trish goes into the kitchen.

There isn't much to eat... She didn't have time to restock her fridge and kitchen with the whirlwind that they lived in the past week – or actually a lot longer than that. Knowing what Jessica likes, she orders take-out and pleads to let her include ice-cream in her order. The restaurant was reluctant because they don't want to get sued if it arrives a slippery mess. Luckily, being Trish Walker has its perks and she, of course, gets what she wants.

It doesn't take too long before it all arrives. She pays the delivery guy and leaves him a hefty tip – she is in a good mood after all. Initially, she wants to put everything neatly organized on a plate but she knows that Jessica would absolutely hate her for it, so she leaves it all in their respective containers. Not being able to wait until Jessica finally wakes up, she starts to dig in.

The aroma of deliciousness wafts into her apartment and it only takes Jessica 10 minutes to step out of Trish' bedroom.

"Food!" Jessica looks like a little kid, barely able to contain her enthusiasm.

Trish looks at her with raised eyebrows which Jessica promptly ignores.

"I had the courtesy to bring the food to your bed, Trish. Making me work for it... Nice." While her voice is serious, she can't keep a straight face.

If Trish had ordered fries she definitely would've thrown one at Jessica's face right about now. "Oh, shut up and grab a chair."

"Don't you need to change that?" Jessica points at the bloody bandage still attached to Trish.

"Hmm... Yeah, you should."

"You? What, me?! I'm not gonna play your Cinderella anymore, princess."

That makes Trish chuckle, but she doesn't say anything and just shakes her head instead.

They both eat their food in silence with only grunts of approval and content sighs until Trish speaks up. "I went for the booze because I had a panic attack and didn't know what to do. Not because of what you thought... Never for that. I hope I never forget that." She subconsciously licks her lips thinking about the kiss they shared.

Jessica remembers how she would guide Trish through panic attacks. The young blonde would get them while thinking about needing to attend events she didn't want to go to, or when her mom was yelling at her and she couldn't take it anymore when she finally closed her bedroom door behind her. Somehow young Jessica always knew when Trish would be hyperventilating in her room and would silently rush over, slip in and distract her.  
  
She snaps out of her memory, mumbling: "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It gave me some perspective. I need to work on calming myself down. I would've gone with street names if only my home wasn't part of the problem." Trish weakly smiles before continuing: "Maybe chanting your name will help me next time."

Jessica raises an eyebrow, "why my name?"

Without missing a beat Trish whispers: "because you're my home."

"Way too sappy, Trish. You make me wanna grab some whiskey. Shit! Sorry! Too soon?" She grimaces, cursing herself for not thinking before she replied.

It brings a genuine chuckle out of Trish. "Not at all."

They are both fully aware that Jessica said it first. 'Because you are my home.' No way that Jessica is going to admit that, though, and Trish is way too content for their ability to joke about things like this that she can't be bothered with teasing Jess – this time at least.

With their bellies stuffed with food, they sit down at Trish' couch and went to watch some stupid show on TV. They skip through the series Heroes and both agree that they have enough of those things in their life, so they settle for an episode of Friends instead. They find themselves in a similar situation as yesterday, only the TV is on and the air isn't filled with tension. Jessica is even tracing figures on Trish' legs that are placed on her lap.

Trish gets up to get herself some tea. Unfortunately, she can't find any. Defeated she fills a glass with some juice and drinks that instead.

"Everything OK over there?" Jessica heard the many sighs coming from the kitchen.

"Yes, I just need to go grocery shopping soon."

Jessica waves it off before Trish makes her go shopping instead, carrying this long list of things she won't have a clue about.

When Trish comes back, she promptly sits down exactly next to Jessica – definitely invading personal space. Jessica looks at her and almost wants to make some kind of remark about her humongous couch not being big enough for Trish, but Trish acts faster than Jessica's mind. She puts her head on Jessica's lap and lies down with her feet in the opposite direction this time. Trish exhales slowly before asking Jessica:

"Is this OK?"

"Well... Seeing as you already did it, I can't really say no, can I?" It was meant as a joke but sounded more snarky than playfully sarcastic. The fact that her eyes are still trained on the TV doesn't help her case either.

"Oh.."

Trish tenses up and moves to get her head off of Jessica's lap but is immediately held back down by Jessica's right arm. Confused as Trish is she looks up at Jessica. The woman doesn't speak or move her eyes from off the TV as she moves her right hand to brush against Trish' jawline. Trish leans into Jessica's touch and closed her eyes. The weight of Jessica's arm is pressing forcefully against her. She's straining to breathe properly yet somehow it's invigorating to her.

"Jess..." Trish speaks softly, opening her eyes. As she looks up into Jessica's eyes, she sees that her best friend is lost in thoughts. That she isn't in the moment. Instead of making Jessica snap out of it, she lets it happen. The only sound audible now is the sound of her labored breathing. She doesn't move at all and neither did Jessica.

Trish can't help but let her own mind wander, trying to figure out what Jessica is thinking about. Whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. She figures it can't have been that bad as Jessica doesn't tighten her hold on her. It isn't exactly painful either, just straining. Trish knows that Jessica is capable of literally crushing bones without breaking a sweat.

The forceful touch stirs something inside Trish. She knows damn well that Jessica will feel bad about hurting her and that she would've wanted that Trish punched her or, at least, tried to shove her away - but Trish can't bring herself to do so. She chooses to trust Jessica just like she trusted her last night. She needs some way to let Jessica know that she isn't going to run off if things get tough and that she can trust her with anything.

After what feels like hours, Trish carefully places her own hand on top of Jessica's. She squeezes it lightly causing Jessica to snap back to reality. Trish sees confusion, bewilderment and hurt reflected in her eyes. In an instant, Jessica not only releases her grip on Trish but moves her hand off of her entirely like she is made from fire and it burns her upon touch.

Trish sees that flickering of Jessica's eyes towards the balcony and immediately presses her head down into Jessica's lap. With the movement, she wants to plead Jessica to stay. She grabs Jessica's hand again and tries to place it in the same position again.

Jessica lets her. She knows she has no choice. She promised herself to put Trish' _needs_ first, instead of putting her _life_ first. Jessica understands the difference now. It isn't just about protecting Trish' life anymore, it is about protecting her heart. She understands more than anyone that there's a difference between living and being alive. Trish makes her realize that what she is doing might keep Trish alive but is denying her to live the way that she herself wants. That _they_ want.

"I'm s-" Jessica tries to apologize, tears filling her vision, but Trish cuts her off:

"Shh.."

Jessica takes a deep breath, looks at the beautiful face in her lap and feels her own hand grazing Trish' cheekbone. Her arm is pushed almost diagonally along the blonde's torso, grazing over the bandage as well. She keeps her arm still, leaving it exactly like Trish placed it. Trish' eyes are filled with questions and Jessica is unsure of how to answer them.

Her walls are up and it's not easy to break down, especially when there is no alcohol in her system to gently nudge her to lower her guard. She has to do this completely on her own, without any aide or help of any kind. Just as she takes a deep breath, readying herself to probably say something she is bound to regret, Trish raises her head towards Jessica, closes her eyes and captures Jessica's lips in her own. It's a gentle kiss. It's meant to say "I'm here. It's OK. Don't worry. There's nothing you can say to make me leave or to make it so I want you to leave" – or, at least, Trish hopes that the kiss conveyed something along those lines. She knows Jessica won't fully believe just words.

She feels Jessica relax her body into the kiss so Trish pulls back, resting her head in Jessica's lap once again. She keeps her eyes closed. She is aware of the fact that eye contact now would make Jessica feel insecure or at least very uncomfortable. She simply lies there and waits for Jessica to decide how she wants to handle the situation. She already decided to let Jessica set the pace for recovery instead of forcing her to do or say something she isn't ready for.

Jessica shakes her head and stammers out: "I can’t." She closes her eyes and tries to breathe. The air around them is getting thick with tension but Trish doesn't seem to care. She simply takes the hand that is still touching her into her own and squeezes reassuringly without saying a word.

Jessica tries to think of what to say. It takes a while before she speaks up and she is almost sure that any other person would've already gone ballistic on her; hell if someone did this to her she would've already smashed through some walls. But this is Trish, and Trish is nothing if not patient – with Jessica at least.

"I've spent more than half my life avoiding any kind of interaction that wasn't strictly necessary. I protect myself with sarcasm whenever someone tries to get close and I…" She stops speaking for a moment before adding: "I don't want to be like that around you anymore."

They open their eyes at almost the same time and spend moments just looking into each others' eyes. Jessica is almost sure that Trish can see into her soul at that moment. She is scared of what Trish might see and whether that would make her run, but Trish' eyes only make her calm and sort of seemed reassuring to her. Maybe there's even admiration in Trish' eyes but Jessica quickly waves that idea away, because that's not even possible, right?

The corners of Trish' mouth raise up into a shy smile and she squeezes Jessica's hand one more time before getting up and telling Jessica to 'please wait here.' Jessica nods once because she isn't sure what would come out of her mouth if she tried to vocalize the assurance.

Jessica shivers once Trish gets up, but Trish doesn't notice. She does turn around after taking a few steps, just to make sure that Jessica won't leave. She is met by a small nod once again.

Trish goes into her home gym and twists a metal bar around which is normally used for pull-ups. It causes a hidden room to open – her panic room. She reaches for the top of a cabinet to retrieve something and closes off the room again. She steps into the kitchen and pours Jessica four fingers of whiskey and pours herself a glass with just one finger. It isn't until Trish reaches the couch again that Jessica sees what Trish is holding in her hands.

Just as she's about to say something, Trish hands Jessica hers and in one swift motion drinks her own. She puts her empty glass on the coffee table in front of them and sits down next to Jessica. Leaving a little bit of space in between them, she shifts her whole body toward Jessica. Jessica is still a little bit confused by what just happened.

"I thought I checked the whole house to make sure you didn't have any alcohol lingering around. This is not OK, Trish."

"Maybe not but it seemed like you needed a drink. And before you say anything; that was all I am going to drink tonight, so please don't worry."

"Why?" Jessica wants to ask Trish a lot more than that but somehow focusing on this, instead of what she said before Trish got up, sounds so much better. She really doesn't want to talk about it further, at least not now. Of course, that is exactly the reason why Trish got up in the first place.

"Because I might die otherwise if you take the stitches out, Jess." Her playfulness is back and Jessica feels like she can fully breathe once again. She can't help but simultaneously think: _I don't deserve someone like Trish, I don't deserve her._ But, she decides to go with the flow instead of giving in to her fears.

" l don't think I agreed to do anything, princess." Of course, whatever Jessica says next goes in vain.

The bleeding stopped and the wound is nearly closed. Jessica yanks the rest of the stitches out as Trish managed to mess them up yesterday anyway. Trish' eyes well up with tears and she bites down, on the shirt, she took off earlier, so that Jessica has better access, to prevent her from screaming.

Jessica tries to focus as best as she can, but the sight of Trish' bare torso in front of her is thrilling because now she can attempt to do something she couldn't do before. She quickly waves off her thoughts, though.

As she finishes putting fresh gauze over the wound she finds herself tempted to put a kiss over the gauze but decides against it. _Come on Jones, that's way too sappy. You've got a reputation to uphold._

"What are you thinking about?" Trish says after Jess' hands lingered on the gauze. Her gaze suggests she's a million miles away.

"Nothing." Jessica places a quick peck on the gauze and walks off to get Trish something to wipe away the tears that threaten to fall due to the pain.

_Shit. Did I just…_

"Yep. And you also totally just said that out loud," Trish teases and can't help but laugh making the tears in her eyes quickly subside.

Jessica groans: "Whatever!" While putting her boots on, she shouts: "I'm going out to get something, gimme 90, OK?"

"Uhuh, bring me back some herbal tea!"

Jessica rolls her eyes and leaves Trish' apartment.

 

**

After stopping at her place to get the emergency money consisting of a hundred bucks, she goes to some kind of big story that seemingly has everything a person could need. She walks over to the electronics department but quickly realizes that she wouldn't be able to buy Trish a decent phone with that little money. She moves to the accessories instead and finds a good fluffy scarf. She asks one of the guys stacking food in some aisle where to find herbal tea. He shrugs and says that they don't sell any. Defeated, Jessica goes to pay for the scarf and returns to her apartment.

If she's going to live at Trish' place again, she needs to grab her things. Not that she has that many things. It basically all fits in her messenger bag. Except for her coat. She deliberates on throwing her leather jacket in the bag and wearing the neat coat that nearly reaches her knees but decides against it. It looks too sophisticated for this moment. She grabs the two other jeans she owned, some shirts, some tank tops, her laptop and, well, that is basically it. She leaves all her files right where they are, figures she could use a break. Taking one last look at her apartment it's almost comical how many empty bottles are lying around. _This is what my life boiled down to, huh._ She inhales slowly and deeply and closes the door she secretly hopes she won't have to open anymore unless it's for work. She really hopes she won't mess it all up but being the messed up woman she is, it's going to be tough.

She knocks on Malcolm's door. He opens rather quickly and it's hard to miss the shock that is plastered all over his face.

"What are you doing here? I mean. Come in, Jessica. Can I get you anything to drink? I don't have any alcohol but my mom gave me this recipe for great lemonade with a punch. The secret is cinnamon! You're gonna love it."

Overwhelmed by his rambling she blurts out: "Lemme stop you right there," she scrapes her throat adding, "Thanks, Malcolm." She doesn't bother to explain herself further and shoves the scarf in his face. "Recovering makes you cold, like a lot, all the time. Wear this. I'll be staying at Trish' for a while.

Before he can thank her, the elevator door is already closing.

There is one more thing that Jessica needs to do and that is buy Trish some herbal tea. Because she has no clue what the hell it is, she Googles it (like a real P.I.). _Sounds disgusting._ She scrolls down one page on her phone and it says something about Japanese Ginseng tea that is supposed to have a lot of health benefits. _Improves focus? Hmm, that doesn't sound that bad I guess. Bet it tastes nice with some Teacher's._

She follows directions to some small shop that seems to be owned by a very old Asian woman. As she enters the shop, Jessica is instantly greeted by a weird smell. It smells like earth; dirt mixed with a hint of cinnamon and mint. It is odd, to say the least.

"I want some eh, Japanese uh jingsueng tea." She feels stupid for not even knowing how to pronounce it properly, but whatever, it isn't like she's going to drink it or something.

The woman behind the counter stares blankly before grabbing two different things. One is a large pot with stuff that looks like marijuana and the other is a small box with regular-looking teabags.

"Traditional or the 'I just want to pretend to drink something fancy'"?

Jessica resists rolling her eyes. "If you put it that way, traditional."

The lady smiles at her but it's more an eerie smirk than 'the customer is always right' smile. "You find all this ridiculous, don't you?" She gestures at her whole shop. Her back goes rigid and her whole demeanor changes with it.

"Well..." Jessica swallows, pausing before she would blurt out her regular sarcasm. _OK, this lady is weird._

She steps out from behind the counter and is remarkably fast for someone that old. She grabs Jessica in one swift motion and throws her across the shop. She seemingly aimed because Jessica doesn't land on or against anything but the wooden floor. The woman stares at her with fire in her eyes.

Jessica can't do anything but stare back at the lady in disbelief. "What the actual fu-"

"-Please do not swear in my shop, miss. I am sorry, but your lack of respect needed to be tamed. You are gifted, yet treat it like it is a burden. I have acquired mine by meditation, hard work, and dedication. You... Did not." She spat with her words. "I can sense your energy but the origin lies not within you."

As if nothing happened she steps back behind the counter. She places a smaller pot in a bag, includes a weird looking small ball with holes and a handle, quickly writes something on the back of a flyer and adds that as well." That will be 20 bucks, please." The woman has kind eyes again and seems to wait patiently for Jessica to get off the floor.

Jessica slowly gets up, put a 20 on the table and walks out with the bag in her hand. When she is out of the shop and nearly walked a block, she stops to process what just happened. _What the hell?!_ It feels weird like she just snapped out of a daze. She walks back to ask the woman what the hell her problem was, but the shop is closed now and it's dark inside. Jessica doesn't even understand why she walked out in the first place and didn't attack the woman or, at least, did something - anything. It isn't like she was compelled but the whole 'incident' felt weird. When she thinks about it, she felt weird the moment she stepped into the shop. She just thought it was because it was a fucking shop dedicated to tea. She decides to let it go for now and heads back to Trish.

 

**

Trying to shake that weird feeling off, she goes to jump up to Trish' apartment. It's getting dark anyway.

Trish is sitting by the kitchen with a full view of her balcony. She smiles when she sees Jessica appear but doesn't bother to unlock the door. Jessica reaches for the doorknob and remembers that she broke it before. _Right… I should probably pay to get this fixed._

"I figured you wouldn't use the elevator like normal people do."

She leaves her own stuff near the balcony door and shouts: "I'm not normal, Trish. Get used to it." While dropping the bag with tea in front of Trish she adds: "I'm sorry about the lock, I'll pay for it."

Jessica installs herself on the couch, fully enjoying the warmth in the apartment.

"With what money? What's this? And take off your boots, please."

While tugging her boots off, she explains the contents of the bag which raises a chuckle out of Trish. "Ballthingy with holes?! Alright then." Jessica deliberately leaves out the part about a 90 somewhat year old woman effortlessly throwing her across the shop.

"Well... I'm impressed. I didn't expect you to actually buy it for me."

Jessica deadpans. "You didn't want it?"

"No, I do! I do! Thanks, Jess."

She makes the tea. She knows how to make it but reads the flyer anyway. The scribblings on the back of the paper aren't instructions for tea at all. "Hey, Jess.. Where did you say you got this from again?"

"I didn't. Some small shop not far from here."

"Hmmm... OK." Trish drags out the words causing Jessica to turn around to look at her. Trish is still looking at the flyer. It doesn't hit Jessica until then that the lady wrote something on it. She gets up from the couch and yanks the paper out of Trish' hand.

"Heeeeey, I was reading that!"

"You're not anymore."

"What does it mean?" Trish gestures to the paper now in Jessica's hands.

"I.. Have no idea." Jessica crumbles the paper up and puts it in her pocket.

Raising a suspicious eyebrow but deciding to let it slide, she shoves a large cup in front of Jessica. "Try it!"

"Hey, I bought this crap because you wanted it. I… It looks weird and smells even weirder. I'm good. Thank you."

Trish pouts. "Please? For me?" They both know that Jessica won't be able to resist that face.

"Fiiiiiine."

Jessica thinks it tastes like plants. But also sweet; probably because Truth put some sugar in it. "Yep, this is crap," she says while tugging down the whole glass at once. "But I was thirsty."

Trish chuckles and goes to take a shower. Jessica is left at the kitchen table thinking about the note in her pocket.

 

> If you wish to explore your full capacity, come see me at 4PM tomorrow. You may bring her along.

 

 _How does the woman know that there's a 'her' I could even bring? What full capacity is she talking about? Who is this lady? Why didn't I do or say anything in the moment?_ Jessica is full of questions but isn't sure whether she wants to know the answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would **love to hear from you guys.** The good, the bad and everything in between.. Thanks for reading!  
>  \- prec7ous/n7ghtress.


	5. AKA Worthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what's up with that teahouse?

They both slept relatively well. And relatively well meant that they both had nightmares but both dealt with it – together.

Jessica had a nightmare about killing Reva. The words Killgrave spoke kept ringing in her head: "Get rid of her." He never said 'kill her,' so why did she had to be so rough? It was haunting her. Of course, part of Killgrave's effect was that people did what they thought Killgrave wanted; interpreted his words not only literally but also in the way he wanted them to.

She was tossing and turning in her sleep but was unable to wake herself up. She saw Killgrave standing before her, telling her to 'stay here' which she subconsciously interpreted as 'keep dreaming, don't wake up.'

Trish contemplated on whether she should pull her closer and hold her, but when she noticed Jessica's clenched fists she knew better than to touch her. It's was OK though as Trish was prepared for something like this.

Before they went to bed she had filled a glass with water and put it on her bedside table. When Jessica asked her about it, she shrugged and said that she might get thirsty at night.

As Trish emptied the contents of the glass in Jessica's face, she jolted awake. Trish was almost met with a fist to get face but ducked just in time.

Being wide awake now, Jessica stared at Trish in disbelief. Trying to get her breathing under control, her anger dissipated and turned into surprise with a hint of pride. She didn't believe Trish' plan actually worked.

"You just fucking threw water in my face."

"And now you're awake; no longer haunted. You're welcome." Trish had to stifle a snort because Jessica looked like a grumpy drowned cat. Just like the one she sometimes saw online as she ventured into the weird part of the Internet.

Now that Trish had a taste - pun might be intended - of how Killgrave worked, she found the courage to joke about it with Jessica. Any residual embarrassment that Jessica felt by waking Trish up due to one of her nightmares quickly faded away. Although the circumstances were terrible, she was kinda glad that Trish understood her now.

Trish threw a towel at Jessica's wet face and went back to sleep, completely ignoring the frustrated grunts from the woman next to her. She did, however, tentatively place a hand on the grumpy cat's waist and snuggled closer when Jessica didn't protest. It effectively silenced her groans and they both fell back asleep not long after.

When Trish, in turn, had begun hyperventilating in the early morning, Jessica woke up. She saw Trish' head violently turning side to side as her lips tightly shut before relaxing again and repeating the same motions. It looked like she was struggling to stay composed and Jessica immediately knew what Trish was dreaming about. She gently nudged Trish awake. Well... She tried to be gentle but was a little bit rough. Nevertheless, it got the job done. Trish sprung upright and couldn't think about anything else besides wanting to wash her mouth with mouthwash mixed with alcohol and detergent and whatever else that could get this foul taste out of her mouth. Jessica looked at her and after Trish' breath evened out, Trish looked back at her.

They spoke without words, and Jessica leaned into Trish and kissed her. She swiped her tongue across Trish' lower lip, but she didn't give her access. Jessica tried again but this time, she gently bit down on her lower lip and it caused Trish to gasp. Jessica felt that Trish backed away a little, but because she was still kissing back, she took the opportunity to gain access to Trish' mouth. Their tongues met and Trish couldn't control the moan that escaped her mouth. She felt Jessica smile or smirk against her lips. Jessica kissed Trish, exploring every part of her mouth until the only thing she tasted was Trish. She hoped it made Trish forget how Killgrave tasted.

When Jessica slowly pulled away from Trish, she couldn't help but smile shyly at the sight of Trish completely in awe. Jessica effectively fought off her demons and they both were in heaven. Jessica pulled her closer to her body and collapsed back into the bed with Trish in her arms. They fell asleep again.

 

**

Trish' alarm clock wakes up the intended person while the other is still sound asleep. Jessica would need something more like a canon, or water to her face, to wake her up. A little noise isn't gonna cut it, especially not now that she's living in the most pleasant dream ever. Which was about her and Trish in the middle of the night at a rooftop testing out her jumping ability. It way the day that Jessica accidentally found out that she was able to do something like that.

Trish gets out of bed, takes a shower and cleans up a little. She puts Jessica's discarded clothes in the hamper, but not before she cleaned out the pockets first and takes out some money along with the flyer from that tea store. Although Trish didn't mean to pry yesterday, she is very curious about the invite. She wonders whether Jessica is going and what it's all about. The word 'her' in the note especially draws her attention.

Not wanting to interfere with Jessica's personal affairs and mess things up, she places it all on the dresser and prepares herself some breakfast. It consists of some oatmeal and a lone banana.

She boots up her laptop and drafts an email to a 'you name it, we bring it service'. When her list, consisting of mostly groceries, is finished she looks it over and adds a particular phone to the list. One of the last discussions on Trish Talk had been about electronics. Although the topic was forced upon her, she actually learned a thing or two. She remembers her 'expert' mentioning the superb picture quality of this phone. Trish already knows what kind of pictures she wants to take, or better put, whose pictures. The service promises to get it all delivered before 3 PM, and it's already a little past 9 AM - talk about fast service.

Now that Trish took some time off and Killgrave was no longer in the picture, she doesn't really know what to do with her free time. Jessica is safe and sound sleeping in her bed and well, things are finally looking up. She admittedly got a little bored after she cleaned her apartment. She can't help herself as she Googled that teahouse Jessica went to.

Unfortunately, she only found the address and the opening hours, next to a small picture of the outside of the store. It looks fairly normal. Just a shop wedged in between an apartment and something that was advertised as a 'healthy bar'. Although Trish doesn't understand how that could be a thing, she's intrigued by it and will definitely check it out soon.

She goes to check on Jessica who is still sound asleep in her bed. Their bed? Trish still isn't sure but isn't going to mention anything either. The sight of a content Jessica is so rare that Trish is definitely staring. As if Jessica can sense it, she speaks up:

"Why are you staring at me?"

Trish is taken aback since Jessica's eyes were still closed. "How did you know?"

Jessica decides to have a little fun with this. "I can hear your heartbeat." She states it so matter of factly that Trish actually believes her for a second and stays silent.

She anticipates the acceleration of Trish' heartbeat at that notion. "Jesus, Trish. Calm down. Breathe."

Now Trish is wide-eyed and walks towards Jessica who still has eyes closed. Imagining the look on her face, Jessica snorts trying to stifle a laugh.

"Not funny!" Trish picks up a pillow and smacks it at Jessica's face. "I really thought you had another cool ability you didn't tell me about!"

"Really, Trish? Hearing heartbeats?"

"Yes... Well, why not? Mind control wasn't on top of my list either."

"Fair enough."

As Trish is still standing next to the bed, Jessica briefly cracks open an eye to see where Trish stands before she pulls her onto the bed and close to her.

"You were never this cuddly before, Jess."

Jessica only groans at that at first but speaks up after all. "That's because I was worried I might do something that would ruin our friendship."

"You're not worried about that anymore?"

Jessica doesn't reply. _Yes, I am worried. I'm terrified I'm going to mess with up and lose you altogether. I can't lose you, Trish. I cannot._

"Can I ask you something? Can we make a pact?"

"Uh, okay?" Trish isn't sure where Jessica is going with this, but she figures going with the flow is best.

"If this doesn't work out," she signals the little space between them, "do you think we can still be friends?"

Trish never heard Jessica this insecure before. It is adorable and heartbreaking at the same time. "I promise. You won't get rid of me that easily, Jess." After a moment's consideration, she adds: "that is if you don't run out on me and ignore me for months."

"Fair enough. We should drink to this."

And with that Jessica is met with yet another pillow to her face.

 

**

Trish is organizing and putting away the things she had ordered earlier. It feels good to know that her kitchen is now fully stocked again. The last thing she opens is the box with her new phone.

Jessica eyes the closed cabinet which now holds an unopened whiskey bottle. She's contemplating on whether she should throw it out or drink it all. She hates to admit it, but it has a power over her beyond the need to drown herself in bittersweet sorrow. Or maybe the sorrow was all she has known for years and she is scared that everything that happened the last few days is just a dream. She doesn't want it to end but knows life can't be this good to her either. There must be a catch and she is anxious to find out what it's gonna be.

Too caught up in figuring out how her phone works, Trish is unaware of Jessica's inner battle. When she finally understands how her camera works, she quickly aims it at her... Best friend? Lover? Girlfriend? - at Jessica. She follows Jessica's gaze with her phone and quickly realizes that Jessica is thinking about the alcohol.

"Do you want me to get rid of it? I'm sorry, I thought I'd keep it in case, ehm, you needed it."

"I thought you were against me drinking..."

"I'm against you getting drunk because you want to drown everything out. I'm against you pushing away everything you feel because you think it's going to break you. I'm against it because while it has the potential to lower one's guard, you use it in a way that your guard turns to blazing flames.

You were blaming yourself for me having a relapse, but not all drugs are the same, Jess. I have no desire to drink myself to oblivion. I hope you don't either, but if it makes you uneasy having it here, I will ban it all from the house."

_How come this woman always knows what I'm thinking._

"Trish... Are you sure you don't have the power of reading one's thoughts?"

"Just yours."

"Thanks. I suppose it can stay. Just don't drink without telling me..."

"Deal. Now can you turn around please?"

"What? Why?" And Trish captures the exact moment Jess turns around to face her. Jessica lunges at her to try to take away the phone and delete the picture, but Trish is having none of it. It is going to be her new background picture.

 

**

"Trish?"

"Mmhmm?" She's working out in her home gym punching the bag while Jessica leans on the door post looking at her. It's more like looking turned into staring, though.

There is sweat dripping from Trish' head and she grabs a towel to dry it off. She looks to Jessica in amusement. "Jess? You wanted to say something?"

Jessica is caught staring and is completely flustered now. Her cheeks look like a tomato. It's silly really because they slept in the same room in the same bed.

"Uh, right." She clears her throat. Taking a second to clear her mind as well, she blurts it out. "A 90-year-old lady threw me across her shop yesterday." Her voice is completely flat, but Trish thinks she's joking again.

"Uhuh, and I flew across Hell's Kitchen last night."

"Trish, I'm serious," Jessica tells Trish about what happened yesterday, making Trish' furrow her eyebrows in such a way that Jessica is afraid that they'd stay that way forever.

"... The weird part is that I didn't retaliate or feel the need to. She clearly invited me to meet her again today. I've been thinking about it all day, but I don't know whether I should. What do you think?"

"You're asking me?"

"Yes."

"OK. Well, I can't say that I'm not intrigued but if she's evil somehow and you're as defenseless as you were yesterday, I don't think you should go."

Jessica already thought about that. Trish is right but there's something about this woman. About the atmosphere in the shop. It isn't threatening. It felt like the lady was just putting her cards on the table.

Trish sighs as she sees that Jessica already made up her mind. "I'm going with you."

"What? No. You're not. I can't -"

"Risk me – lose me. Yep, I'm well aware of that line of yours. Besides the note did say you could bring a 'her'. What other female or you going to bring? Someone I don't know about because -"

Jessica flares her hands up in defense. "No. Fine. OK. But bring a gun or something."

"I have you to protect me."

Jessica rolls her eyes at her and walks out of the room, hiding a small smile - yet worried to death.

 

**

"Alright, so this is it."

They stand in front of the shop now. It looks so small and cozy and because Trish sees so many different kinds of tea and herbs she instantly likes it. It's Jessica who needs to remind her what the lady inside is capable of and Trish immediately adjusts her posture and seems to be a lot more alert all of the sudden. _Impressive._

Jessica moves to open the door but it's locked. Just as she's about to walk away all annoyed, Trish sees a note near the door. "Jess, let's go around back."

> ** 4 PM appointment in the back. **

Jessica raises her eyebrow mockingly as if she wants to say 'let's just go', but Trish grabs her by the hand and yanks her along. Trish releases her grip when she's sure Jessica will follow along and can't help herself when she slides her hand lower against Jessica's arm until their hands met. Trish side glances toward Jessica who seems pretty amused by the smooth move. She quickly intertwines their fingers not daring to look anywhere else but the ground.

When they reach the alleyway toward the back, they both let go instantly. They need to keep their guard up as they both have no idea what is waiting for them. Trish checks her surroundings and even makes sure to glance up to the roof. Jessica is already walking straight through the alleyway without a care in the world. She figures that if someone tries anything, she'll take care of it right away. She is smug and arrogant; a good contrast with Trish. They make a good team so far.

Jessica opens the back door which happens to be unlocked. She contemplates on holding the door for Trish so she can pass first but quickly remembers that this is not a date. _Speaking of dates... Ugh, I hate dates, but I should probably ask her out or something. Wait, that's weird. We live together. I should just take her out. Somewhere fancy? Ugh, I hate fancy. Trish loves it. OK, fancy it is. Or maybe -_ Before she gets completely lost in thoughts, Trish is at her side and nudges her inside.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Trish takes the lead as Jessica would probably just throw something to get the attention redirected toward herself, not wanting to waste any time.

"Please come in. My grandmother told me you were coming. Sit down. She will be with you shortly, she's still meditating." The woman of approximately their age stands rather firm and confident. She has green piercing eyes and Trish looks into them a little bit longer than would've been considered just friendly. She doesn't mean anything by it. She is just captivated by them. She's wondering whether they are real or just contacts.

Jessica notices the staring and clears her throat rather loudly, making Trish jump a little. Before she can open her mouth to say something sarcastic, the old lady from yesterday steps into the room.

All eyes are now focused on her. She introduces herself as Alexandra. Trish introduces the both of them as well. It's barely a second before Jessica grows impatient and asks what Alexandra meant with what she wrote yesterday.

"Straight to the point I see. That's good. I like that. Please, follow me."

Trish understands what Jessica meant earlier when she said that it didn't feel dangerous. The pair seems to radiate some kind of laid back vibe off of them. It makes her feel relaxed. Yet there is something about that smell in that place. She can't quite place it but it feels off somehow. Like the proportions of the scents are deliberate. Like it isn't just some kind of incense or blend. Before she has the chance to fully figure out what's going on, she finds herself standing in front of a room.

By sliding the door open, Alexandra reveals something that looks like a dojo. The whole floor is padded, as are the walls. Jessica can't help but ask whether this is the place she is planning on killing them. Alexandra isn't amused in the slightest. She only says "no," definitely not keen on keeping this conversation going. Which would be fine with Jessica any other day, but she is filled with questions and she wants answers. She is this close to demanding them.

"Please," Alexandra says while ushering them inside. The granddaughter stands in the middle of the room, slightly more in the back.

"My name is Maya."

"Attack Maya, Jessica." She wants to nudge Jessica but decides against it, noticing the tension radiating off of her."

"Are you crazy?! Listen I don't know what's going on here, but I'm do-" before she can finish her sentence, Maya lunges at her and punches her into the wall with remarkably little force.

"Ouch!'

"Woah.." Trish is definitely interested now. She needs to get in on this technique. This is way better than Krav Maga. "Jessica, are you OK?" she is instantly at her side. She wants to yell at Maya.

"Sorry, but I was kind of losing my patience, Jessica." Maya shrugs.

"That seems to run in your family," Jessica replies dryly while she straightens out her back - now a bit sore. She nods toward Trish, telling her she's fine.

"Show me what you got," Maya taunts Jessica.

"Alright."

Jessica tries to land several punches but Maya evades every single one of them. She is definitely versed in some kind of martial arts. Just when Maya is about to speak up again, Jessica punches her in the stomach. Maya doesn't flinch as she's flown across the room and onto the wall. If anything, she seems to smile at Jessica.

Trish asks whether she and her grandmother have similar abilities like Jessica's. Maya is beginning to explain when she is cut off by Alexandra.

"The reason I asked you to come is because my way of life requires me to at least give you a chance," she directs her statement to Jessica.

She raises an eyebrow in turn and wants to retaliate when Trish chimes in again, asking what Alexandra means by giving Jessica a chance.

"A chance to prove yourself worthy. Of living at all."

The atmosphere in the room changes in an instant. _Is this woman for real?_

"Excuse me?!" Trish and Jessica exclaim in unison, now fully alert and on edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember; leaving kudos and comments motivate me to continue :).  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. AKA The Light Around You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Standoff', auras/energy, small fight, panic-attack, tension.

Both Jessica and Trish are in their fight stances; ready to attack if either Alexandra or Maya moves unexpectedly. Trish' hands are firmly gripped around her gun pointed towards Alexandra while Jessica is ready to take on Maya. She fought the need to place herself in front of Trish in order to protect her.

"Grandmother!" Maya shouts like she's belittling a child. Lexa immediately resigns and bows her head down in shame.

"I'm sorry, subtlety is not her strong suit. We do not wish to harm either of you."

Neither Trish nor Jessica backs down. Trish urges Alexandra to enter the room fully and stand next to her granddaughter. With her head, she nudges them to move towards the corner while Jessica comes up to stand beside Trish.

The air around them is thick and the tension is killing.

Just as Jessica is about to go mental on the pair by starting to inch closer, Trish places a hand towards Jessica urging her to stop.

"Speak."

Maya gives Trish a firm nod before clearing her throat. "What she meant is that Jessica has an aura around her that is.. Very different. It looks dark and… Evil quite frankly."

"Aura?" Jessica scoffs, not believing the shit she's hearing.

"This is exactly what I meant," Lexa whispers to her granddaughter. She in turn just glances with a look that says 'shut up while I handle this'. Lexa bows her head again.

 _Well, this is a weird relationship,_ Jessica thinks while raising her eyebrow at the pair.

Trish has enough of this bullshit. She releases the safety of her gun in one swift motion never lowering her gun. Jessica's eyes widen in surprise. They look at each other and speak with their eyes before Jessica mouths _don't_. Trish looks back at the pair and shifts to train her gun at the younger woman.

"I believe Trish asked you to speak. I give you 2 minutes."

Maya slowly lowers herself on the ground to make herself comfortable and Lexa follows. As she takes a deep breath she explains what her grandmother meant earlier. As Maya speaks more and more, Trish lowers her gun to the ground. She doesn't put the safety back on, still unwilling to trust the pair in front of her.

Jessica only hears half of what Maya is saying. She's taking in all the exits and rooms she's encountered on the way over to this room. She thinks about how to keep Trish out of harm's way if and when the pair decides to get hostile again. She's contemplating on whether she should take the gun away from Trish and make her leave this place. Trish would never go for it and Jessica knows it.

When she has enough of the jibber jabber, Jessica cuts Maya off mid-sentence. "What do you want from me, from us?"

"Do you know where your abilities came from?"

Jessica decides to deflect instead of answering the question. _These people already know way too much._ "Why do you care?"

"That aura you emit. I have seen it once before. On a man who seemingly told a young boy to face the fence and stay there. The young boy never moved and even wet himself. I could not help him."

_Killgrave?! She's describing Killgrave. We have the same kind of aura?! Well, isn't that just great._

"I am _NOT_ him!" she spits the words out like venom.

Maya slightly flinches at the words - not because she's scared but because she's surprised to hear Jessica acknowledge the fact that she knows him.  
"We just want to make sure."

"Why do you care?" Trish intercepts.

"The world is evil enough as it is. It does not need someone with his capabilities to use it for their own amusement."

That, Jessica, could agree on. She senses the sincerity in Maya's voice and shares a look with Trish who conveys her agreement.

**

The four of them are sitting around a dinner table somewhere in the apartment annex store. Although they are still a little weary of one another, they settle on their mutual hatred of Killgrave. Jessica had been weary because her killing Killgrave was all over the news and they must’ve seen it or heard about it. They explained it away by saying they don’t own a TV and never read the papers because the media only spreads lies to coax people into believing what they want them to. Both Trish and Jessica couldn’t really disagree with that (to a degree at least).

Lexa slowly gets up and excuses herself as she needs to open up the store again. Jessica follows the woman with her eyes until she's completely out of sight. Trish focuses on Maya instead.

"So, what's up with this weird relationship between you two?" Jessica asks point blank.

"Perhaps a question to be answered for another time, Jessica."

_Figures..._

"You have to be careful, Jessica. Do you lose all control if you are angry at something or someone?"

Trish almost teasingly wants to say that Jessica ruins someone's window or door every week by throwing someone or something into it but decides against it.

"No. Whatever I do is whatever I wanna do in the moment."

Maya seems to weigh that answer. "You will only intensify that aura you emit if you do that."

"What does that even mean?!" Jessica is getting fed up with all this aura talk. As far as she knows she doesn't emit shit except for 'stay the hell away from me if you want to keep all your fingers, or even your whole hand while you're at it.'

Maya looks directly at Trish now, hoping she'll have better luck convincing her instead. "What I am trying to say is that she has a dark aura around her. I can also see that it is not really hers at all. She has a lighter aura underneath it and that one is her own. What I am asking is.." Maya sighs deeply while she tries to formulate her next words. "Is she different when you are alone than when she is actively using her abilities? The way she uses her abilities is slowly consuming her. It can be quite lethal for her mental state if she does not learn to be in sync with it."

Jessica is done with this shit. "I'm right here. You don't have to talk to Trish like I'm not even in the room. Direct your shit to me. You know what? We're leaving. Have fun with all the lingering auras and whatever."

She grabs Trish and hauls her out the same way they came in. Trish glances apologetically towards Maya who has yet to say a word after the outburst.

"These people are crazy!" Jessica huffs still tugging Trish along with her, quite haphazardly.

"Alright, you can let go now, Jess."

"Huh, what? Oh. Sorry." She lets go and keeps walking. Without thinking, she walks towards the back of Trish' building. Trish just follows her pretty amused thinking about what Jessica's gonna do if she dares to ask...

"So, can I hitch a ride?" Trish asks all smug like she knows Jessica is gonna get all flustered and make them take the elevator instead.

It wasn't until then that Jessica realized where she was standing. _Right. I was gonna jump up._ She clears her throat. "Uhm, I was just gonna see if they fixed the crack near the roof. Could turn into a leaking problem you know."

"Mmmhmm"

Jessica mutters something under her breath that Trish doesn't understand as she walks back to the main entrance. Trish follows her, barely able to contain her laughter. She really wants to feel the adrenaline from being launched into the air. Maybe next time, she thinks.

The doorman greets Jessica who is slightly taken aback again by his usage of her actual name. _Right. He knows your name. You already know this. Relax, Jones._

When Trish reaches his desk, he greets her rather solemnly as he hands her an envelope. Trish eyes him curiously, but he already sits back down into his chair facing the monitor.

She walks towards the elevator where you want it all Jessica is already waiting for her to finally enter the damn thing.

"Who's that from?"

Trish shrugs. She'll open it when they're inside and had a cup of tea. Or maybe something else, on second thought.

Jessica flops down on the couch, still wearing her boots. Trish rolls her eyes and gives her a condescending look. She shrugs, leaving Trish to remove the boots for her. _Talk about service._

Trish pours herself some juice in the kitchen and opens the envelope. She stares at the hastily written letter for a while. "That's just great," she mutters to no one in particular.

Jessica asks her what's wrong and Trish shrugs in the same way Jessica did mere minutes ago. The only problem is that Jessica is having none of it. She can see that Trish is visibly upset under that actress mask she's currently wearing. She raises an eyebrow at Trish, but she doesn't relent. So, Jessica does what Jessica does and rips the paper away from Trish.

She furrows her eyebrows deeply. Trish is almost sure that Jessica is going to flip out or something but she doesn't. It's the complete opposite.

"This is probably my fault. I'm sorry Trish."

"What? How? What did you do?"

"Yeah.. You remember that day you made your bathroom into your new bedroom...."

"Yes."

"I might or might not have stopped by your mother to ask her whether she had a clue where you were.…" She gives Trish a look that says 'it's sorta your fault anyway'.

"You actually thought I went to her of all people? Really, Jess? I thought you knew me better than that. I'd rather-"

"Be found in a ditch. Yes, I know, but I was sorta desperate."

Trish stares at Jessica in disbelief. "So why?"

"I dunno."

"OK, so now I have to deal with her when she comes back again. Just what I need right now."

"Trish, I'm sorry.

She dismisses Jessica with a simple wave of her hand. It makes Jessica feel like a small child again. She feels anger boiling up inside of her.

"I'm outta here."

Before Trish has a chance to say anything, Jessica is already gone.

"Just great! Go ahead, walk out again!" she yells at no one in particular since she's the only one inside her apartment right now.

This time, she's not gonna go for the bottle. No. She won't give Jessica the satisfaction this time. Not that she really thinks that's what Jessica wants. She's just incredibly frustrated at Jessica's lack of communication skills. A realization hits Trish. Jessica only does this to her. She never backs out of a confrontation otherwise. So, OK, maybe Trish is overreacting. She does admit to herself that if she'd be on the receiving end of that gesture she wouldn't appreciate it in the slightest either.

She calls Jessica with her new phone. A small smile plays upon her lips at seeing the picture of Jess. The phone rings until it sends her to voicemail. She knows Jessica will never listen to her voicemail, so she goes to her messages instead and stares at a blank screen for a few moments; gathering her thoughts on what she wants to say. She finally settles on something and hits send. Trish knows that she's being mean right now and pretty much emotionally blackmails Jessica into coming back.

Like clockwork, Jessica appears on her balcony mere minutes later. She stays there with her back towards Trish taking in the scenery below her. Trish knows that Jessica doesn't give two shits about whatever's happening below but is amused by her attempt either way. Figuring it would be best not to play with her right now giving the state they left things at, she moves towards her balcony and comes up to stand next to Trish. She hands her some chocolate chip cookies.

Jessica rolls her eyes at Trish and stands her ground. Just as Trish is about to take a cookie for herself, Jessica snatches it out of her hands and stuffs the entire cookie in her mouth, all the while still looking at whatever's going down below them.

Trish points to a couple sitting on a bench seemingly enjoying each other's company. "Isn't he sweet for buying her those roses?"

Jessica's still chewing but speaks anyway. "He probably cheated on her or something. Do you see the way he pointedly refuses to look into her eyes as he's speaking to her?"

Trish admits that she didn't notice that. She's amazed by Jessica's observation skills. If she were to be completely honest, she always thought Jessica was sorta brute forcing her way into things P.I. related, or anything really. "Point taken."

Jessica points to a group of kids next. It consists of two guys and three girls, probably attending high school. "Which one of them has an unrequited crush on the other?"

Trish eyes all of them carefully. There's a girl that keeps clutching her bag as if she's nervous to do something with her hands or like someone is about to snatch it at any point. One of the guys is wearing a gray sweater with his hoodie up, seemingly trying to avert others from seeing his face. There's one guy Trish thinks is being annoying. He's walking backward facing two of the girls seemingly trying to hold their attention while they keep walking. She thinks it's probably him trying to win one of the girls over. Or maybe both.

Jessica rolls her eyes like Trish just made a textbook mistake. Which, actually, she did. The boy she described was just your regular annoying charmer. The guy who needs attention; craves it like a drug - like he'd die without. Jessica points to the guy with the hoodie. The one that's awkwardly walking next to the paranoid girl. Trish doesn't see what Jessica does.

Jessica moves closer to Trish to make her point. "Look at where he's not looking at." That didn't make any sense to Trish. "What?"

Jessica sighs, stands behind Trish places on hand on her shoulder to nudge her into a better viewing position and points her other hand back at the guy. "He's looking at the ground, the girl next to him, the two in front but not at..."

"That obnoxious guy!"

Jessica snorts at the classification. "Yep. And every time his eyes do find him he quickly looks back to the ground."

"Poor guy." Trish genuinely feels sorry for him.

Jessica is not paying attention to the street anymore. She's not pressed up against Trish but damn she's close. She didn't realize until now that her heart is beating faster. _So much for being mad at Trish, stupid heart._ Instead of doing what she wants to do, she changes the subject back to the message Trish sent her and leans back against the window, away from Trish.

"So... Do you want me to beat her up?"  
  
"No, just be there for mental support?"  
  
Jessica nods and goes back inside but is stopped by Trish speaking up. Her voice sounds small but grateful.  
"Thanks for coming back."

Jessica smiles softly when she thinks Trish can't see it as she still faces away from her. She doesn't know that Trish sees her face reflected in the window. It warms Trish' heart.

**

"What are we gonna do about Alexandra and Maya?" They haven't spoken about it since Jessica rushed them out. "You know, the idea of auras is actually pretty interesting," Trish speaks into the air without looking away from her screen. "It says here that everyone has the ability to learn to see it if they practice hard enough."

"Riiiight." It isn't so much that Jessica doesn't believe that there is something around everyone. She figures it's somehow connected to that feeling you get, the vibe you get, from some people you never even met before. It's more that she can't help but feel offended (or maybe even hurt) at what both of them had said about her specific aura and how it was similar to Killgrave's. She knows she's not the kindest person and usually doesn't give a fuck about anything but the man ruined her life. By extent, they said that Jessica was also a heartless psychopath, a ruthless killer, a menace to society.

Her mind darts back to the man in the alleyway. The look in his eyes when she asked him a question. The way he swallowed thickly, afraid that she'd end him right then and there if he didn't reply accordingly. It's becoming too much for Jessica. _I'm not Killgrave._ She repeats it over and over but in the end, she can't really convince herself.

"Jessica!!" Trish shouts, with a certain emphasis, as she cannot seem to get Jessica out of her trance. Jessica snaps out of it only to be mortified at the way Trish said her name. It feels like he said it. _Damn it._

Trish is confused as Jessica's face turns from fear to confusion to anger and everything in between. Jessica is _this_ close to grabbing Trish by the throat. _She's not Killgrave. I'm not Killgrave. The man is dead. Get it together, Jones._

_Main Street. Birch Street. Higgins Drive. Cobalt Lane._

"Jess?" Trish asks softly now.

 _Main Street, Birch Street, Higgins Drive, Cobalt Lane..._  
  
Main Street, Birch Street, Higgins Drive, Cobalt Lane.

She says it out loud now.

Trish wants to help Jessica desperately. Should she give Jessica some alcohol? Should she hold her close? Should she give her some space? She doesn't know. She doesn't know. She quickly remembers how Jessica held her down that day on the couch. She figures it was a panic attack of some sorts as well and apparently she wanted Trish to be close to her. So, she kneels down in front of Jessica, not touching her but just staying very close. She moves slowly. She deliberately breathes loud enough for Jessica to hear her. She breathes in slow, steady breaths and hopes that Jessica will focus on it and follow her.

Because she cannot take it anymore, she gingerly, but deliberately places a hand on top of Jessica's hand as reassurance as it's currently balled up into a fist. Jessica tenses up at the touch but doesn't move away. Trish tries to open Jessica's hand, but she doesn't relent. So instead, she traces circles on her hand with her thumb. It seems to work because she slowly feels Jessica tense a little less.

After being quiet for a while, Jessica starts repeating the words again.

"Main Street, Birch Street, Higgins Drive, Cobalt Lane."

Trish releases her hand and Jessica feels hollow. She walks away and Jessica's mind is driving her into more of a mess than she already is. Trish is back at her side within seconds. "Here," she whispers.

Jessica opens her eyes for a brief moment and sees the bottle Trish is handing her. She takes it instantly and gulps it down. She feels better as the liquid burns her throat. She feels calmer. Her breathing slows. She's drowsy but drowsy is better than being panicked.

Trish looks up at Jessica. Her eyes speak for her as she tentatively moves in on Jessica. Jessica barely moves her head in a nod, telling her it's OK, so Trish closes the space between them and hugs the black haired woman. Jessica still isn't sure how this whole affection thing works especially at times she feels like this, but she feels somewhat safe in Trish' embrace. She whispers the street names one more time before going quiet. Trish doesn't let go of her, much to her relief.

It probably takes Jessica 10 minutes before returning the hug and Trish squeezes her a little stronger in reply. After a while she asks, "are you OK?" Jessica doesn't answer and Trish pulls away to look her in the eyes but Jessica doesn't loosen her grip. "Can we stay like this? I mean you feel nice." It was unlike Jessica to ask for something like this and given the circumstances Trish decides now is not the time to tease or joke, so she simply nods her head.

The position is getting a little bit uncomfortable for Trish as her body is twisted in an unnatural position. Also, she didn't expect Jessica to let her hold onto her this long.

"Just go with it - please," she announces as she lowers herself onto the couch and taking Jessica with her. She doesn't resist. Instead, she burrows her head into Trish' neck. Trish lets her. They hold each other wordlessly.

"Tell me what's on your mind."

"No." Her voice comes out harsh but Trish doesn't take offense. She squeezes Jessica once more to let her know it's OK.

 

Trish eventually gets up, because she really needs to pee. Jessica seems to have fallen asleep anyway. When Trish comes back she's is gone. Trish thinks she's gone, gone. But she soon finds her passed out on the bed. Her heart calms down its frantic beating at the sight, thanking the Heavens Jess didn't leave in her current state.

Content that Jessica is OK for now, she goes into the kitchen to prepare for dinner. Meanwhile, she reads up on auras some more.

She tries to see her own around her hand but it isn't really happening. One tutorial online spoke about feeling auras and more specific feeling the energy it consists of. Trish soon discovers that there are a lot of words and different spellings for it. Psi, chi, ki, qi, prana, universal energy and life-force.

She inches the pointer fingers of her opposite hands slowly together. Just as they're almost about to touch, she feels it. She feels her finger but it's somehow different. The tips aren't touching. Trish is not one to be persuaded by mumbo jumbo easily, so she chalks it off to some sort of placebo effect because her brain fills in, in this case, the literal gap. Basic neuroscience. She didn't feel the energy. It was her brain playing tricks on her. Right?

She eats her food in silence, takes a shower and flops down next to Jessica who's still fast asleep. Trish wants to touch her badly but knows that's a bad idea. She settles on watching her sleep instead. Which is also a little creepy, she knows but doesn't care. She decides to try that aura thing on Jessica. She focuses on a point just beside her face. After a while, she thinks she sees a white'ish glow contouring her whole face. She gets giddy and loses her focus. It's gone in an instant. She tries again, but she doesn't see it again. She soon gives up and groans in frustration.

The noise made Jessica wake from her slumber. She bats her hand beside her, clearly looking for the source of that sound. "Are you OK?"

Trish thinks it's typical for Jessica to worry about Trish and not about herself. "Yeah, go back to sleep."

Jessica grumbles something incoherent but leaves her hand lightly brushing Trish' side. There's almost a pattern Trish thinks. Jessica reaches out to her in some affectionate way when they're on the bed but hardly when they're outside of it. Maybe the daze of sleep makes her less wary or more comfortable. Trish decides she doesn't care about the why and revels in it instead.

She scoots just a little bit closer, feeling Jessica's hand tighter against her skin. She closes her eyes focusing on the way it makes her feel. Jessica tenses up at Trish' move. Trish immediately moves away and gets up out of bed. Jessica opens her eyes as she loses the feeling of warmth beside her. She sighs deeply and beckons Trish to come back, apology in her eyes. Trish reluctantly walks back over and slips in under the covers, keeping her distance this time.

They both lie awake in silence for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you may argue that auras and chi/psi are different phenomena. In my opinion, it's the same thing only manifested in another way, or perceived by us in another way.
> 
> I'm thinking about eventual Hellcat WITH canon-divergence as to how she gets the power(s).. Because I OBVIOUSLY cannot let Trish commit suicide, go to Hell and get resurrected =P.. I think Jessica would kill me for writing it.


	7. AKA Topping Dates (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish has this effect on Jessica that makes her do and say things she normally _definitely_ wouldn't. Jessica takes Trish on a date and it doesn't exactly go as planned. Not that she planned anything..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I've written 10k words for this chapter but decided to split it up so the chapters are an even length - more or less.

Trish really, really wants to talk about what they're going to do about Alexandra and Maya, but she doesn't know how to approach the subject without upsetting Jessica. She doesn't realize that the twitching of her leg is shaking the whole bed.

"Spit it out, Trish. You're driving me insane."

"What?! What are you talking about?" Trish knows her speech gives her away and relents. "I.. Wanted to talk about auras, maybe?"

Jessica doesn't miss a beat and feigns disinterest, "what about it?"

Trish speaks while Jessica mostly listens. There's one thing that really bothers her and when she relays it, Jessica can't help but let it get to her as well. Just a little bit, though. Maya mentioned the double aura around Jessica and it being potentially dangerous. Both Trish and Jessica know that Jessica sorta loses it sometimes when she's angry and that she's really different around Trish, especially when they're alone and especially nowadays.

"Maybe we should go back and hear them out? There's no harm in it, right? Maybe meet somewhere more neutral?"

"OK."

"Well, that's almost too easy. Are you OK, Jess?

"I'm fine."

Trish asks her if she's mad at her. Before Jessica can reply, Trish apologizes for wanting too much and disrespecting her boundaries. Jessica is quiet. She doesn't know how to tell Trish that, that wasn't the issue.

Her body and mind aren’t always in sync. She's always guarded and on edge. She came to think of touches of having a negative connotation, like as an act of pity or something – or tainted by a certain someone with an unhealthy love for the color purple - and forgets it can also be a positive thing. She wants to do right by Trish and doesn’t want to 'just use' her. She’s afraid she's going to mess this up. Fuck, she thinks she already did.

"Don't apologize, Trish. You did nothing wrong." _It's me that's acting like a complete idiot._

Trish senses that Jessica doesn’t want to talk about it and lets it go for now. She just really hopes she didn’t mess things up. She clears her throat. "Right. OK."

"So, you’re OK with meeting Maya again?"

Jessica clenches her jaw. _Fucking Maya._ "No. Not Maya. Alexandra."

"OK? But Maya seemed to be the one in charge despite being younger. Come on, I know you noticed that as well."

Yes, she did. She did indeed and that only pisses her off even more. "Maybe you should date her instead," she muttered to herself. _Ah, fuck. Did I say that out loud? Of course, I did. You idiot._

"What?!! Jess, what the hell are you talking about?" Trish turns on her side to fully face Jessica.

 _Might as well just finish what I started._ "I saw the way you were looking at her, Trish. I get it."

She didn't get it. Or actually, she did. She didn't want to, though.

Trish bites the insides of her cheeks to prevent herself from laughing out loud. "Really, now?" A smirk forms on her face. She's clearly amused by Jessica being jealous. "I'd never think I'd see the day the great Jessica Jones would be jealous."

"I'm not great."

"You _do_ realize you just inadvertently confirmed you _are_ indeed jealous?"

"Whatever, Trish."

Trish moves up to Jessica and stops just inches from her face. "Do you see the way I’m looking at you, as well?"

Confusion spreads over Jessica’s face as she faces away and Trish feels even more smug. "Not really."

"That's because you refuse to look me in the eyes." Trish almost wants to lift Jessica's chin up to meet her gaze but decides against it. She worms herself down the sheets to be able to glance up into Jessica's eyes.

The silly action causes Jessica to roll her eyes, but Trish is almost she sees her ears turn red behind the black waves. "What are you doing?"

"I love you, Jess."

"Whatever, I gotta go. I have an appointment soon." Jessica is about to get ready to leave, but Trish interjects: "No, you don't."

She places herself fully over Jessica's body. She makes sure not to touch her and shifts her weight onto her hands on either side of Jessica's head. She leaves Jessica with no choice than to either stay put or shove her away in order to leave.

Trish' left hand moves slowly to place a stray lock of hair behind Jessica's ear. If Jessica wanted to stop her, she easily could. She didn't.

Jessica refrains herself from saying something sarcastic to annoy Trish for that stupid cheesy move, but her body betrays her. She shudders and suppresses a groan or maybe it's a moan. Either way, it would be an embarrassing sound. Because damn; Trish really knows how to play her. Jessica feels warmth spreading throughout her body and suddenly forgets what they were talking about.

Trish removes her hand and leans down to kiss Jessica but stops just when their mouths are less than a breath apart. Jessica eagerly moves forward to capture Trish' lips, but she just pulls back more and more until Jessica’s groans in frustration.

It's exactly what Trish wanted.

She chuckles, brings her hand back to Jessica's face and kisses her. When Trish pulls away she moves up to whisper in Jessica's left ear:  
"I'm yours."

 _Well, fuuuuck._ She breathes it out.

Trish actually snorts now.

"Oh, are you kidding me?! Did I say that out loud _as well_?!"

"Can't help the effect I have on you, Jess." She winks and has a wicked smile that Jessica doesn't understand.

"Apparently, neither can I." She focuses on not saying any more embarrassing things. Focused on keeping in control of her breathing.

Trish flops back down next to Jessica, unable to keep the semi-plank position going. She shuffles closer, still careful not to touch, but Jessica subconsciously lifts her arm up so Trish can cuddle up to her.

So she does. She burrows her head in Jessica's chest and drapes her left hand over her stomach.

"Jess? Trish' tone is suddenly very serious.

 _Ah, fuck._ "Yea?" she replies uncertainly.

"You're not him."

Jessica tenses up, her heart beats uncontrollably and there's a sharp intake of breath audible.

"What?"

It's barely a whisper but Trish heard it loud and clear. She doesn't say anything and just holds Jessica tighter in reply.

Jessica wriggles out of Trish' embrace. She's not sure whether she wants to leave or stay. Trish isn't sure whether Jessica is going to leave or do something equally stupid. Because yeah, leaving is stupid. Leaving is only a way to avoid someone that doesn't understand you. And Trish... Trish understands her better than she understands herself sometimes.

Trish lets Jessica out of her embrace. If Jessica needs space, Trish is prepared to give it to her, no matter how much it may hurt - is going to hurt.

She leaves the bedroom. Not the apartment. Yet. Jessica comes back with the bottle Trish gave her last night. OK. It's a small step, Trish supposes. Jessica makes a point of looking at Trish before she takes a sip. Trish is thankful for the gesture. She nods her head and pulls back the covers; an invite to come back. Jessica accepts. Trish purposely stays on her own side of the bed, afraid to spook the tensed woman.

Jessica moves her head invitingly. Trish pauses. She looks into Jessica's eyes for a few moments. And whatever she's looking for, she seemingly found as she moves into her former position. She feels Jessica slowly relax underneath her and instantly feels her own anxiety leave her body.

She waits patiently until Jessica is ready to speak, fully content if that moment doesn't come.

It takes Jessica a few more sips, but eventually she explains to Trish why she thinks she’s exactly like him. The story isn't coherent and she repeats the same things a lot, but Trish understands what she means. She doesn't interrupt and it takes her a lot of willpower to do so.

"...He ruined my life and continues to do so even in death."

It's clear that she's done talking. She needs to recharge and Trish is so glad that Jessica is still here. That she opened up and didn't shut down. She really thinks Jess is starting to heal and it makes her heart swell in response.

Her first instinct is to rebuff what Jessica is saying. She wants to console and assure her. She knows that it isn't what Jessica wants nor needs. She decides on a tactic to make Jessica see reason.

"So what did that man do?" Trish asks.

"Who?"

"The one that made you think you're... Like.. Him."

"Was practically getting ready to rape some lady."

"And you saved her from him, right?"

Seeing where Trish was going with it, she huffs and refuses to answer and takes a swig of the bottle instead.

A smirk forms on Trish' face. She knows she's getting through to her girlfriend. Or.. Whatever, Jessica. Just Jessica.  
  
"Right, OK, I'm going to take that as a 'yes'. Have you ever attacked anyone that didn't deserve it, for no reason?" She deliberately chooses her words carefully. Sure, Jessica picked fights at bars but only if they're being obnoxious to either her or someone else. So in their book they'd deserve it. She might've hit a few because she knew they were bad guys even though they didn't do anything in the moment but that also didn't mean that they didn't deserve it. So, she figures that the way she phrased the sentence there was no way Jessica could say 'yes' to this question.

And she doesn't. She doesn't reply at all.

Trish pretends Jessica answered the way she wanted. "Exactly. Because you are altruistic. You're a hero. I'm pretty sure that when that woman wanted to thank you, you either shoved her out of your way or simply ignored her, didn't you?"

Trish should really stop talking now. Jessica groans in frustration. "Shut up, Trish." It comes out harsh like she's angry.

Trish' smirk only grows and turns into a genuine smile. She knows she's gotten through to her although she knows the woman would never admit to it.

Jessica closes her eyes and tries to tune Trish out. It's nothing personal though anyone else besides Trish would certainly (and rightfully) think so.

Trish stops talking and holds out her hand for the bottle and Jessica reluctantly parts with it. It's as close to a 'thank you' Jessica allows herself and Trish accepts it with a smile.

**

Jessica puts on her boots - which Trish makes her leave by the door when she steps through the threshold of the apartment. Trish would rather she'd put it in the shoe cabinet but knows that's too much to ask.

"Put on your shoes and coat, we're going out."

Trish hums from the living room. It takes her a beat to realize a few things. She doesn't voice them. She turns off the TV and eyes Jessica suspiciously as she comes up to her.

"Where?"

It looks like Jessica is deliberating whether to just tell Trish to hurry up and basically leaving her no choice but to comply, or actually be like a normal person and just ask her first. She does the former.

"Just hurry up, Trish"

She puts on her shoes and coat without question and follows Jessica out the apartment. They walk next to each other - but with space in between - for a good 15 minutes before Trish is getting a bit restless and starts to worry whether them 'going out' is a good thing or a bad thing.

Jessica is sweating a little, her hands are definitely clammy and her mind goes a hundred miles per hour. _I should probably say something. What should I say?_

"We're going out." Jessica blurts out before she can catch herself at the idiocy of her statement. _You're such a dumbass, Jones._

"I think you've already mentioned that," Trish chuckles and tries to lighten the mood. It doesn't really help because Jessica feels like they're walking towards a volcano. It doesn't matter that both of them are wearing scarfs to keep them warm.

Jessica doesn't reply, and so Trish puts her hand on her shoulder to nudge her to a halt. "Did I do something wrong, Jess?"

She stares at the ground before her, not willing to meet Trish' gaze. "Would you," she pauses for a few moments, "like to go out with me?" Her voice is small like she's afraid Trish is going to either laugh in her face or flat out decline. No, she thinks, Trish would politely decline and do it in such a way that it won't even feel like a turn down unless you really think about it.

Trish stares at Jessica, trying to figure her out. Normally, she wouldn't have a problem with that, but this is so out of character that she's having a hard time figuring out what she means exactly. She hopes it's what she thinks it is.

"Like on a date?" she tries to keep her voice steady but her eyes widen noticeably.

Jessica isn't sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. "Uh, yeah. If you want?"

Trish lights up and a grin forms on her face. She can't be held accountable if it splits her face in two. She wouldn't even care. “Yes! I'd love that! Where are we going to?"

"Just wait and see, Trish." She feels her nerves calming down. _She wants this, thank God. Don't mess up. Don't mess up._

They arrive at the place. It's a large building. The name is written in Neon lights and the logo lights up as well. It's absolutely cheesy, but it's better than dinner and a movie Jessica thinks. Because, why would you want to go to a movie for a date? That's just weird. You can't even talk or look each other in the eyes or whatever. Not that she thinks that would be a problem. _Maybe it would even be a good thing. Damn it, it would've been perfect. No chance to screw up._ She quickly shakes the thought out of her head because, well, they had already arrived and Trish sorta seemed to maybe like the idea?

Jessica holds the door open for Trish and they walk into a relative empty bowling alley. They put on their shoes and walk towards their lane.

"So, how good are you at this, Jess? Don't break the lane out of frustration alright? Because I'm going to kick your ass at this!"

The black haired woman is not one to shy away from a little competition. "Really?" she sounds smug and decides to add a little excitement. "Wanna bet?"

"What's going to be the prize?" Trish inquiries with a smirk.

Jessica acts like she's thinking about something good. She already knows what she wants to say, though.

"Whoever wins takes the other on the second date?"

Trish freezes for a second before a smile appears on her face. "Win/win situation; I like it! You're on."

Jessica goes first and hits a spare. She's pretty smug and thinks she's doing great' until Trish hits a strike. She decides it's time for some diversion tactics. Before Trish takes the next ball, she grabs it for her and gives it to her. Instead of moving away towards the bench, she stays next to Trish, slightly behind. Trish eyes her warily but doesn't say anything. Just as she's about to take the shot, Jessica moves in and wraps an arm around her from behind.

Trish startles and the ball goes into the gutter. Jessica has a huge grin on her face which is swiftly wiped away by Trish spinning around in her embrace so that they face each other. She doesn't hesitate to lean in and kiss Jessica quickly and roughly forcing her tongue in briefly, before pulling away. It leaves Jessica breathless as she didn't expect this kind of dominance from Trish. She takes the next turn and misses by a long shot.

A different kind of adrenaline is surging through Jessica's veins, but she tries to suppress it the best she can. _You're on a date. (...) Oh. My. God. I’m on a fucking date. OK. OK. Breathe in. Breathe out._

Both of them are pretty competitive but neither of them really cares about who's going to win. They're almost tied. Jessica is leading by just a few points when Trish is being recognized by some guy that wobbles over screaming: "Patsy! I wanna be your friend." He spits the words in a demeaning way. "Whereshya red hair, huh. Redhead too good for you," he hiccups. Trish is facing away from him, still focused on Jessica who should've taken the shot by now.

"What's wrong?" she quips, clearly hinting at the fact she's about to win.

Trish has no idea what's going on as she's so focused on the whole idea of being on a date with Jessica. Jessica, however, is almost seething with anger.

When Trish looks closer she thinks the bowling ball is denting along where Jessica is holding it. She glances up at her face and that's when she sees it. Jessica is _this_ close to completely losing it.

The man is coming closer now. A teenage employee is walking in opposite directions with drinks in her hands. The man wobbles and loses his balance and crashes right into the teenager.

"Hey! Watch whereyagoin you stupid little shit."

Jessica all but drops her ball and marches over to the two. "You better apologize to her NOW." Her voice is low and demanding. It's edged with hate and if he doesn't say something soon she thinks she's going to rip his head off.

The teen is quick to reply and profusely apologizes to the man. She doesn't want to lose this job, no matter how shitty it is.

Jessica faces towards her. "Hey, none of that. He crashed his drunken face into you and not the other way around." Trish is approaching the group now and overhears what Jessica said.

The man grumbles and it takes a few tries until he's on his feet again. He's drenched in soda but smells like a bar. He points his finger towards the teenager, almost touching her. She flinches away and Jessica quickly steps in and twists his finger around. He yelps out in pain. "Leave. Now." She lets him go and he pushes himself in front of Jessica who's getting ready to punch his sorry ass - hard. Trish notices this and places a hand atop of her forearm and she tenses at the touch. She lets Trish guide her hand back down. The man pushes on and Trish yanks Jessica back, clearing a path for him to leave this place.

"Thank you. What a creep," the teenager says to Jessica.

"Yeah, sure." Jessica shrugs and starts to walk away, effectively leaving Trish behind.

She leaves the bowling alley but stays just outside the front door. She needs a breather. Trish is quick to follow her after paying.

 

"Are you OK?" Trish asks.

Jessica doesn't hear her. She's lost in her own thoughts. She's still fuming and doesn't know whether it's because he attacked Trish or the girl, both or maybe neither. She feels like she's losing herself a little. She feels the ground shift under her feet and is almost sure there's an ongoing earthquake surging through Hell's Kitchen.

Trish is now inches away from Jessica. She lightly brushes her arm over Jessica's gaining her attention. "Come with me."

She starts to walk away and Jessica silently follows. She soon realizes that they're walking back to Trish' apartment and she can't feel but think she messed this date thing up big time.

Trish doesn't speak but glances up to Jessica every few minutes to make sure she's still there. She knows that Jessica is inside her own head right now and gives her the space she needs - as long as she physically stays with her, that is.

Trish quickly asks the doorman something, but Jessica isn't paying attention as her gaze is still mostly fixed onto floors and random objects. They reach the elevator and Trish gently nudges Jessica inside the apartment. She makes eye contact with her and a silently pleads her to stay put, she gestures her hand for emphasis. Jessica has no idea what's going on but nods anyway.

The blonde is back within a minute with a bag. A thought flashes through Jessica's mind. _Is she throwing me out? Yeah.. I probably deserve that anyway._ The blonde gives her a small smile and the thought leaves her mind. _Maybe not._ She opens the front door again and beckons Jessica to follow her. She does.

They walk up the stairs and Trish uses a key to open the door that reaches the rooftop. She moves her head and Jessica steps outside. Trish puts a rock in between the door to keep it from closing.

Jessica is standing in the middle of the roof, her gaze fixed on the sky above. It's already dark out and there's a full moon today. It's mesmerizing. Or it would be if her mindset wasn't all messed up.

Trish lays down a thick blanket, clears her throat and sits with her back against the air conditioning unit that controls the temperature in the building itself. Jessica joins her, albeit a little reluctantly. She pulls out another blanket and silently wraps it around the two of them.

They both stare at the beautiful sky above them. Trish feels content and Jessica would've been touched by the sentiment if only... She sighs deeply and Trish looks her way. She knows the blonde is looking at her but doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't look back.

Trish pulls out a bottle of liquor out of the bag. It's not scotch, it's wine. Jessica hates wine. Only because it doesn't make her drunk fast enough. Only because it doesn't burn her throat when it slides down to her stomach.

Trish curses under her breath for forgetting the glasses. Drinking wine straight from the bottle doesn't make any sense. She decides she doesn't care and positively knows Jessica won't either. So she opens the bottle with the corkscrew, which she did bring, and takes a few sips.

From the corner of her eye, Jessica observes that Trish still attempts to drink it like she's some kind of wine expert or wine taster. It makes her lips curl a little bit upward. Just a smidge.

She offers the bottle to Jessica who happily takes it. While she's gulping it down like water, Trish tentatively places her head on her shoulder. Jessica tenses at the touch but Trish doesn't move away and Jessica soon relaxes into it. She isn't sure if it's because of the slight amount of alcohol coursing through her veins or because she likes having Trish this close. It's probably both.

They still haven't spoken and neither of them really feel the need to do so. After a while, Jessica calmed down enough for her to snake her own arm behind Trish' back to nudge her closer. Trish fully relaxes into her, feeling the steady thrum of Jessica's heart beneath her head.

 

"It's pretty out here at night, isn't it?"

Jessica hums in agreement, still not ready to talk.

"You know.. I have this weird idea of wanting to eat the moon ever since I was a little kid. I told someone and they laughed in my face. After that, I was too afraid to admit to it." She waits in case Jessica wants to chime in with a sarcastic retort but that doesn't happen. Jessica only squeezes Trish a little tighter, prompting her to continue the story.

"It looks so beautiful high up in the sky. It's out of grasp, yet when I look at it.. I feel like I'm staring at something that feels somewhat like home. The night is comforting as it hides all sorrow, all negativities, until the sky and the light it emits against the darkness, is all that remains."

Jessica looks up at Trish with some kind of reverence. She never heard her talk about something so passionately. Well, she has. When Trish is going on and on about fucking tea or healthy lifestyle shit. But it's never something like this. Something she can relate to. It almost feels like maybe Trish does understand her better than she gives her credit for.

"Yeah, the night makes you forget everything else when it allows you a glimpse into the past."

Trish' mouth is slightly open and her jaw is slack. She can't believe what Jessica just said. It's like she read her mind. "E-exactly."

Jessica turns towards her, "Why are you so surprised? I can be philosophical if I want to be.."

"Mmmhmm, you big softie." It's a tease and it makes Jessica feel in the moment again. Grounded again. With Trish against her side, by her side, joking around while touching on subjects she normally would've avoided by a mile.

"Whatever, Trish." She says with no foul intent, and Trish just smiles up to the sky. _God, she's beautiful. The way the night sky illuminates her face. Damn._ Her breath hitches and Trish absentmindedly traces patterns on her abdomen as they sit in silence once more.

"Do you ever feel like walking among the stars?"

"Why, Trish, would you want to?" she gives Trish a coy smile.

She couldn't really walk among the stars or even reach them... But she could try to reach them. Lost in thoughts she smiles. Jessica is thinking about the first time she went jumping with Trish on her back when they were kids. It was a good day, although it was technically an evening.

Jessica isn't aware that Trish is staring at her. She isn't even sure if Trish answered the question or said something to her that calls for a reply. When she looks at Trish, they lock eyes. There's that twinkle in Trish' eyes again. It makes her go all giddy, at least that's what a normal person might've called it. She calls it annoyance - but in a good way. She abruptly stands up, leaving Trish to wonder what the hell she's up to.

She walks towards the edge and Trish panics. She stands up, ready to jerk Jessica back but before she can, Jessica turns around to face her. She forcefully pushes Trish back against the unit they were sitting against. She purposely keeps a face that's unreadable to Trish. When Trish' back thuds against the metal, Jessica cups her cheek and kisses her hard. Trish immediately returns the fire and it becomes heated in more than one way when Jessica snakes her arms around Trish' torso and pushes her off the ground. Trish wraps her legs around Jessica and without preamble and without breaking the kiss, Jessica braces herself and pushes up from the ground and into the sky.

The sudden rush in Trish' stomach causes her to gasp and pulling away from the kiss. Jessica is having none of it and forces Trish to focus on her again. Jessica pushes her tongue in her mouth and there is nothing tentative about it. She's ravishing Trish and Trish - Trish is too preoccupied with all these feelings and adrenaline rushing through her body to really know what the hell is happening. She isn't even sure she's even still alive. Or dreaming? Is she dreaming? It sure feels like one. Things like this aren't possible for a reason. Her heart beats uncontrollably but the feeling is so, so good. Her mind goes blank when Jessica holds her a little tighter when they reach an altitude where it's getting harder to breathe. Breathe? Trish doesn't even know if she's still breathing. You don't need to breathe in a dream, right? Jessica pulls away from the kiss, making sure that Trish does, in fact, at least inhale.

"Open your eyes, Trish."

And she does. She's mesmerized. But not by being in the sky, the amazing skyline she could look down upon or the stars and moon which would seem just a bit nearer. Not even by the clouds she would imagine she could grab if she tried hard enough. No. She's mesmerized by the woman holding her. She can't look away. Those brown eyes are captivating. If it wasn't for the altitude knocking the breath out of her lungs, those eyes certainly would.

Jessica is getting ready to brace for impact as she shuffles Trish up just a little bit higher on her body to make sure she doesn't get hurt. She doesn't want to but has to look away and down to the ground if she doesn't want to break a leg - or two. The landing is a bit messy with Jessica first landing on her feet and then immediately dropping down to her knees almost letting Trish fall backward. She holds on tight and Jessica is so off balance that she lets herself fall backward instead with Trish still pretty much cradling her.

The blonde is now atop of the other and she's not making any attempts to move. Instead, she dips down and continues what they started. Jessica moves her hands down Trish' body, but before she reaches her ass, Trish grabs her hands and guides it over her head. She interlaces their fingers and puts pressure on it as to say 'stay put'. Trish knows Jessica could easily get out of her grip. This is about trust. This is about Jessica's willingness to let someone else take control and just let it happen. Jessica isn't planning on taking back control, oh no, she's enjoying this way too much. But this isn't what she wants right now. Her body tells her it's exactly what she wants, but her mind is telling her this here on the rooftop after she acted the way she did just isn't right. Her mind tells her that Trish isn't ready for this either. Neither of them are. She knows better than anyone how mind control can mess you up in ways you cannot be aware of until it hits you in the moment or when it's already too late.

"Wait," she croaks out, without much sustenance, when Trish is already kissing her collarbone.

Trish either doesn't hear her or pretends not to and continues to kiss a trail that would inevitably lead to her breasts.

"Wait, Trish." Jessica speaks louder and attempts to sit up and almost throws Trish off in the process.

They lock eyes and Trish is completely lost. She's filled with love for Jessica, hate towards herself for not correctly reading Jessica and crossing lines, hurt because evidently Jessica doesn't want the same things she does and... Immense sadness because of it. She swallows thickly before remembering this would be a good moment to get off of Jessica, so she does. She doesn't know what to say and for a moment neither does Jessica.

There are tears in her eyes she determinedly doesn't want to let fall. It works until Jessica breaks eye contact and looks towards the ground in front of her.

This time it isn't Jessica who walks away.

It's soft, it's barely a whisper, but it's there nonetheless. It's cracked and you can hear the tears through it. "I'm sorry."

Trish is already out of sight when Jessica snaps out of her daze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not satisfied with my fic (more specifically my characterization of Jessica), so I might delete/rewrite the whole thing. Figured I'd post it anyway since THERE AREN'T ENOUGH TRISHICA FICS!!
> 
> Leaving a comment makes you a nice person ;)..


	8. AKA Topping Dates (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish is heartbroken (times two) due to a misunderstanding & Jessica is sweet in this one.

A part of her wants to run as fast as she can for however long she can. The other part can't bear to be out in the night anymore. She just cannot. So she goes into her apartment and closes the door behind her. She kicks off her shoes and leave them haphazardly across the hallway. She shrugs off her coat and leaves it wherever it falls off her body. She changes into an oversized shirt, kills all the lights and slips into bed.

She subconsciously lies on Jessica's side.

Her tears fall freely but silently. It hurts so much. Rejected by the only person she ever felt this much for. She curses herself for moving too fast and then curses Jessica for leading her on. She hates herself for that thought. Knows somewhere that, that isn't what Jessica was doing.

It cannot be.

Jessica let her guard down almost completely when around her. Hell, they even went on a date. Jessica doesn't do dates. Her heart swells at the thought that maybe it was Jessica's first date? Probably not. No, she knows it isn't. There was Jake when they were both in college. Trish absolutely despised the guy. More so when he revealed he only tried to get into Jessica's pants due to a fucking bet (" _because who could even like someone as weird as Jessica Jones_ "). Like Jessica is some kind of object you can win. It made Trish sick to her stomach and it made Jessica even more closed off. Fucking Jake.

Trish is having trouble breathing. Her crying turns into full-on sobbing. She has never felt this way before. Not when her mother used to yell at her or even hit her to the point she had to go to the ER and pretend she fell off the stairs. Stairs they didn't even had in their house. Not when she felt so unloved or overwhelmed that she wanted to escape reality by popping every pill she could get her hands on. No. This feeling is different. Someone she loves and trusts made her feel this way. Crushed to the core. And what for?

No. This feeling is different. Someone she loves and trusts made her feel this way. Crushed to the core. And what for?

She cannot imagine a life without Jessica in it. She has always been there. The only person she could count on. Even in the six months Jessica was gone and said the most hurtful things over the phone so that Trish would back off; even the year after that when Jessica wouldn't talk to her or let her come closer.. She never lost hope. She never faltered in her faith in Jessica. The reason is simple. Jessica had always been there for her. She fought off the biggest demon in her life (her mother) and made her enjoy life again. She even helped Trish get clean and Trish knows what an absolute hellish bitch she was when she was having withdrawal symptoms or when she was so high on pills she felt hopeless to the point of no return.

She puts two fingers on her pulse point and tries to match her breathing to it. Three beats in, hold for one, four beats out. It's the only thing she can focus on when there's so much going on inside her.

Three beats in. Hold for one. Four beats out.

It's difficult. It's painful. She wants to take the edge off, but no. No. She's stronger than that. She has to be. She doesn't hear Jessica reaching her balcony.

 

Jessica contemplates on whether to leave _and never come back_ , or... Yeah. Trish is her home. No matter how pathetic or sappy that sounds. It doesn't make it any less true.

The lock is still broken. It's not such a big deal since Trish basically has a penthouse apartment but the thought of her being in danger if someone finds out about it and causing her harm makes Jessica sick to her stomach. She opens the door and closes it behind her. She can hear Trish crying in her bedroom. Immediately, guilt rushes through her body, reaches her heart that threatens to stop beating on the spot and her vision goes blurry. Despite the fact she wants to drown herself in sorrow and liquor and forget about everything and everyone, and just leave it all for a future Jessica to deal with, she doesn't. Because she learned that is the worst thing she can possibly do.

She scrapes together enough courage to enter the bedroom (she wants to ask whether she can come in but remembers Trish saying that she doesn't have to ask) and kneels before Trish' figure. She barely makes out the hand touching her neck and the way she seems to concentrate on breathing. Her eyes are closed. Jessica is sure that Trish is unaware of her presence.

As gently and quietly as she can, she speaks into the air around them: "I'm here, Trish."

A sob escapes and her breathing is getting more unstable again.

Jessica walks towards the other side of the bed and slips in. She makes sure to quietly tell Trish about her every move. ("I'm walking towards the other side of the bed; I'm not leaving. I'm joining you now.") She sits up with her back against the headboard. They've done this a million times over the years. Jessica consoling Trish; Jessica wouldn't often let Trish come close enough to do this the other way around when she needed it.

"Trish? Come here. Please."

She doesn't move but doesn't seem to spiral completely out of control either. Jessica needs her to calm down. Trish has to calm down.

"I'm going to move you, OK?"

"No," it comes out cracked and barely intelligible, but Jessica heard it.

"Please, Trish. You can hate me all you want later. I love yo-"

"Don't you," Trish is panting, gasping for air, "dare say that to me."

"Tri-" she catches herself, "I wasn't rejecting you. I.. I want it too. Just not like that."

She hears Trish getting a bit calmer. She keeps talking and make Trish focus on her instead of whatever makes her feel this way.

"I want it to be special, to mean something. And I don't want us to be intoxicated. I want us to be just us."

Trish chokes up upon hearing those words. Her thoughts stop abruptly as she has no idea what to think anymore. Here was Jessica spilling her heart out while she was being the spoiled brat that cried because she didn't get what she wanted. It's not exactly true, but she needs to blame herself for this in order to keep her own sanity.

"Can you please come over here?"

Jessica can see her nod, but the woman makes no effort to move.

"Can I move you?"

Trish nods again.

Jessica tentatively scoops Trish up and puts her back on her front, between her legs. Trish is encased by Jessica now.

She takes a deep breath, leans against the headboard and presses Trish up against her. She starts to breathe deeply and slowly - loud enough for Trish to hear and to feel.

"Breathe with me, Trish."

It takes nearly twenty minutes but Trish calms down. Jessica still has her arms around Trish' waist. Trish signals Jessica she's OK now by tilting her head away from Jessica. She doesn't let go.

"I meant everything I said, Trish."

Trish' breath catches and she whispers "OK."

Jessica pulls the duvet over them and slowly lowers herself a little more on the mattress, never letting go of Trish.

"Sleep some, Trish." she places a kiss on Trish' shoulder.

 

Jessica knows Trish isn't asleep even after what she thinks would close to an hour. She's still tense and barely allows herself to move in Jessica's embrace. Which, by the way, feels strongly soothing and restricting at the same time.

"Do you want to talk?" Surprising enough it's Jessica who initiates a conversation about stuff she'd rather avoid until all eternity.

Trish doesn't answer immediately, but then says:

"I think so, yes."

Jessica's mouth twitches up due to Trish' honesty. At least they can still be honest with each other despite all the misunderstandings they chased each other into.

"How do you wanna do this? D-do you want me to say something. Or.. Do y-you wanna start?'

Oh, Jessica. If she only knew how she could make Trish smile without even trying.

"What you did up on the roof wasn't only extremely hot ( _she blushes_ ).. You made me feel alive, you made me feel wanted. And I just.. Just.. Wanted to make you feel the same way... I guess. I'm so-"

“God, Trish. You already make me feel that way.” A pause, “are you still tipsy?”

“No?” Trish drags out the word into a question unsure where Jessica is going with this.

“Good.”

She takes Trish’ dominant hand and guides it behind her back, onto her stomach and down. She dips Trish’ pointer finger underneath the waistband of her underwear and into the slickness of her wetness between her thighs. She lets go of Trish’ hand and leans forward and whispers into her ear:

“This is what you do to me.”

The movement also effectively traps Trish’ hand and she has to swallows a moan but, because of their near proximity, Jessica physically feels her doing so. She smirks.

Trish moves around to face Jessica for the first time now and tentatively asks whether this is what Jessica wants. Her reply is instantaneously but there’s a clause. “.. But not now.” Trish tries not to be hurt, but before she has the chance to say something or think about it, Jessica slips out from under her and flips them.

She dips down and it’s the beginning of a make out session that lasts for quite some time. They’re in no hurry and explore each other’s mouths thoroughly. Although Jessica is physically on top, Trish took the lead a while ago. She suddenly pulls away and shakes her head.

With one look they understand each other. It comes rushing back for the both of them now.  
  
|            To Trish: “ _Kiss me. Mean it.”_  
|            To Jessica: “ _Make love to me.”_  
  
“This is why I said not now,” Jessica says. There’s no judgment in her voice, only understanding. “This has to be just us; I won’t let _him_ come between what we have.”

“We need a safe word,” Trish says.

Jessica rolls her eyes but caresses Trish’ cheeks affectionately. “How about ‘stop’?”

“How about green, yellow, red? Because maybe I don’t want to stop altogether, you know. Like when you said ‘wait’ and I took that as a ‘no’?”

“Mmhmm… What color are you now, Trish?”

“Yellow.”

Jessica smacks her lips together and kisses Trish’ neck slowly, tentatively. She moves back to her ear and sucks gently on her earlobe before asking, “how about now?”

“Green.”

Trish raises an eyebrow suggestively and in one quick movement flips the two around. She bites her lower lip and looks Jessica in the eyes. Jessica is momentarily stunned because - fuck - Trish using her sly Krav Maga skills on her is hot. She goes for the neck and sucks on the skin. She leads Jessica's attention away from it by moving one of her hands down Jessica's side to rest on her thigh briefly, swiping along the lower part of her abdomen towards her other hip. She sucks harder, turns it into a bite and soothingly licks over it while simultaneously moving her own thigh over Jessica's center.

Jessica unsuccessfully swallows a moan. Trish smirks in victory. Not only is Jessica a complete mess under her; she didn’t notice the hickey Trish just left.

"What's your color, Jess?"

Instead of answering, she tugs Trish up to kiss her roughly. Trish angles her head to deepen the kiss and Jessica has to pull away to breathe, because damn. Trish' thigh is still pressed so closely where she needs it. She wants more friction. She wants to buck her hips and make Trish give her what she wants. But she doesn't want to push it. Especially not after what just happened. Especially not after she said 'not now'.

 

Trish sees the conflict in her eyes. "Tell me what you’re thinking, precious."

"... Precious?"

"Want me to call you sweetheart, darling or buttercup?" Trish mockingly asks her.

"Neither unless you want me to leave."

"Fine… You're no fun, JESS." Trish moves her legs and instead just puts her whole body over Jessica, figuring she can easily take it.

"Sorry, star-struck lover."

"I was talking about the moon, not the stars." She lifts her head up to speak but drops it down on Jessica's chest and tangles their legs, fully intending on getting comfortable there.

"You sure about that?"

"... Not really."

Jessica must admit that it's getting a little hot with this burning hot mess on top of her. Part of her wants to shove Trish off and keep some distance, worried about the physical and emotional closeness, but the other part is just way too happy to finally have what she wanted for years. That what was off limits. She can't help but think that something terrible is going to happen. Something always does. Jessica Jones just cannot have good things.

Trish feels Jessica starting to squirm under her. "Do you want me to move?"

 _No. Yes. Just a little?_ "No."

Trish places a kiss on her collarbone before rolling off her and settling down next to her. One of their legs is still intertwined.

Jessica looks at her curiously.

"I know your voice _too_." she smiles softly.

Jessica rolls her eyes and tries to stop her face from smiling. She realizes she's been smiling a lot lately. Unforced. Without thinking it's the appropriate thing to do. She just does. It's sorta liberating, she thinks. Her smile is swiftly replaced by… Fear when Trish asks a dreaded question.

“Can we talk?”

Jessica doesn’t answer but Trish feels her tense up; nearly going rigid beside her.  
  
_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She’s going to say how this is all just a big mistake and that we should end whatever the fuck this is, or that she needs a break, or that I remind her too much-_

Trish realizes that the line ‘can we talk’ was probably the most stupid thing she said so far.

  
"No. No. No. Wait, that's not what I meant. Shit. I'm not breaking up with you. Wait. I don't even know if we're really, uh, dating." She lets her mind wander for a few moments before taking a deep breath to collect herself. "That's beside the point. I just want to know where you stand mentally, physically. Apart from us I mean. Just you. H-How do you feel?"  
  
Trish ends her rambling and Jessica releases the breath she was holding; relief flooding over her. It is short lives as she realizes what Trish is asking of her. _How do I feel?_ Feelings are a foreign concept to her. If she asked how she felt about _them_ she could’ve formulated an answer somehow but this particular question leaves her speechless. It leaves her aching for whiskey. It leaves her with the urge to run as far away as possible.  
  
Jessica looks up at Trish hoping that her eyes can convey what her mind cannot. _I don’t know, Trish._ She isn’t sure if Trish would’ve been content with that reply but it was all she could give _if only_ her speech hadn’t decided to abandon her, _if only_ her mind wasn’t so keen on finding some perfect answer that probably didn’t even exist.  
  
Trish, bless her heart, understands her struggle. “Do you think you can tell me what you think, while you think of it, without any filter of any kind?”  
_  
What?! Don’t be ridiculous. No! No. I can't let you into the darkness of my soul. You will leave me once you've seen a glimpse. I can't risk it. No. Just let me b-_

"I won't leave you know," she says barely above a whisper, but firm and somehow with reverence. She's still looking towards Jessica, trying to lock eyes.

“You can’t promise me that,” Jessica whispered back. She had always (subconsciously) lowered her guard when around Trish but more so the last few days – especially today. Certainly more than she ever did with anyone else. She can’t deny it feels so incredibly good to do so, but she also cannot deny that lingering feeling that resides in the pit of her stomach. Sometimes it shoots its way up to her heart. It’s the feeling of someone roughly running their hands through her tangled intestines; reveling in the way blood fills her insides as they dig scrape along blood vessels. It’s the materialization of her guard telling her to _stop_ letting Trish in. To stop letting Trish know more than she can handle. Because, yes. Jessica still doesn’t give Trish the credit she deserves but it isn’t about Trish. It’s about her. She doesn’t want to push Trish away and giving her a free pass inside her soul is a sure way to make her run for the hills. It’s a dark place where she sometimes gets lost in herself. Someone else would surely drown in it.

"Maybe I can't, but I know you, Jess. I know your heart. You know mine. We might get mad at each other but we always find our way back to each other. You can’t deny that.”

It’s quiet once again and Jessica knows that Trish is waiting for an answer. She decides to venture into the unknown and vocalize what she feels. She has no idea what she feels. _What are feelings again?_ After hesitating and starting sentences that end and start with “I..” she settles on:  
  
“I feel conflicted.”  
  
When Jessica doesn't elaborate on that, Trish asks her why she feels that way. Jessica only shrugs in response. She's already subconsciously closing herself off, hiding in the fortress of her heart; guns blazing towards anyone that requests entry. The urge to run is back and tugging at her, begging her to leave everything behind.

"Please, don't get mad at me for suggesting this. But would whiskey help? I will be right here. And I will stay, even when we somehow end up in a fight. We'll both stay here. OK?"

Jessica hears the pleading behind the words; _Please, let me in._ She nods slowly.

Trish leaves for a minute and comes back with a bottle of scotch, no glasses. She makes a point of looking at Jessica, making sure she sees her take a large sip, before handing it over to Jessica.

"We're in this together. I won't hold back what I think, so I hope you won't either."

Jessica nods as she gulps down almost a quarter of the bottle. She's fighting herself inside. One side wants to tell Trish everything but is conflicted with what 'everything' means, while the other side is pushing back so hard just to bury that intangible 'everything' so far back in hopes it will simply disappear.  
  
Trish asks her the same question again, but before she fully finishes, Jessica blurts out that she feels something akin to happiness but that she's so afraid it will be taken from her very soon. She tells Trish that happiness is not something she is accustomed to and that there was always something hiding in the shadows, ready to fuck everything up.

Trish understands what Jessica means. She had been with Jessica long enough to see her point. She had also been there long enough to know that she would always stay. She would always forgive. Even when Jessica was gone for months, Trish still cared and stayed loyal to a fault. Although she definitely did not see it as a 'fault'. Caring about Jessica could never be a mistake.

"Are you afraid that _you_ will fuck everything up?"

There was no point in lying to Trish so Jessica answers quickly and honestly. Yes, she's afraid of that. She has the tendency to push everyone away until they are too tired and too hurt to come back, to the point that they'd just rather pretend to not know Jessica at all than to acknowledge her in passing by. It was fine by Jessica as that was always her intent. Yet somehow deep down it still hurt. There's that conflicting part again. Jessica is a paradox in itself.

"Do you think I will fuck everything up?" Trish asks next.

"No." Jessica's answer comes instantaneously.

"Why not?"

"Because you're.. You. Caring. Loving. Putting others first."

"I feel like you just described yourself."

Jessica can't help but scoff at that. It's absolutely ridiculous. _Caring? Loving? Me? No way._

Trish is smiling but Jessica doesn't see that.

"You care, Jessica. Maybe even too much. You put others’ lives before your own. The gesture is nice but you should give yourself more credit. You are worthy of love as well. You are worthy of living."

 _There she goes again, reading me like an open book._ "I've already said it. I'm not the hero you think I am."

"And I already said that you definitely are."

"Fine, Trish. I won't argue. Tell me how _you_ feel."

Trish is quiet for a minute." I don't think I've ever been happier in my life than right now... With you. I'm _with you_ , Jess. It's all I ever wanted."

Jessica's stomach starts to hurt real bad at that declaration. In a good way. They are called butterflies, she knows the term, but she thinks of it more like angry moths chewing her insides. She secretly loves it anyway.

Trish continues to talk about Killgrave's effect on her and how Jessica keeps him at bay for her. Maybe even unknowingly. Trish reveals how Jessica is able to ground Trish just by looking at her the way she does.

She props herself up to hover over Jessica's face. She stays there; just staring into dark brown eyes. Being completely mesmerized. If she wasn't tipsy already, she definitely is now. Jessica's breathing is getting heavier with anticipation but Trish doesn't move and neither does Jessica. She momentarily forgets where she is and who she is. All she sees is green with nothing but blonde in her peripheral. "I won't let you fuck us up, Jess."

 

"Do you wanna play 21 questions & shots?" It basically means they have to take a shot before answering the question the other asks. Trish agrees, takes a shot for good measure and asks Jessica since when she'd known that she liked her more than just a friend.

"Wow, getting to the good questions right away I see? I have known since… The day you came home from school with tears in your eyes. You told me that Ryder had tried to kiss you after you'd told him to back off repeatedly. You jumped into my arms and while I was meant to comfort you, it seemed like you comforted me instead. I held you close for what seemed like hours until your tears subsided and you just flopped down onto my bed and stayed there until dinner. In that moment I felt so much hatred towards Ryder, so much that I wanted to hurt him so bad. But I also felt so much affection towards you. I wanted to just take away all the negativity in your life and just see you happy. I wanted so much for you. And in that moment I knew. I just knew."

"Oh my God! I was wondering why Ryder changed schools all of the sudden. It was you! Wasn't it!"

"Yep. I'm not sorry either. If it makes you feel better, I didn't hurt him _that_ much. Just told him to stay as far away from you as possible, or he'd regret it."

"Thank you." Trish places a gentle kiss on Jessica's lips. "You know... I kinda hoped you'd join me on the bed that day, just lying there with me. I remember the day. I never told you why I didn't want to kiss Ryder. It was because there was someone else I wanted to kiss."

"Who?" Jessica asks rather genuinely.  
  
"You, you dumbass."  
  
"So you felt the same? Even back then?"  
  
"Yes. Only you didn't seem like... Well it didn't seem like you felt the same and I, well, kept it to myself. We were starting to get closer as friends and I didn't want to risk losing that. Also, it could never work with my mom and the line of work and all that. After years passed I just kept pushing it away more and more and I was just thankful that I had you in my life at all.”

"It basically went the same way for me."

Jessica kissed Trish gently before asking her what changed for her to make a move. It was stupidly obvious to Trish. "Because you finally said what you never say. I never heard you say it about anything. Then you said it to me four times. The first one was you claiming it as a safe word but the way you said it.. It felt like a goodbye. And when you said it again at the docks it felt like a reassurance. When you wrote it down for me, I just couldn't help myself. I needed to know what you meant exactly. Words don't work on you. You'd just run away, so I did the only thing I could. Thank God you felt the same way.

"Mmhmm."

"Why didn't you give up on me? I came back after months to only ask you for a favor and you agreed."

"Because you were always there for me too. I love you, Jess. I'd never give up on you, even if you'd given up on us. I mean us as friends - whatever. I'd still love you. No matter how pissed off I am at you. And trust me I was definitely pissed off. Remember you told me to not have feelings and I told you that that wasn't OK; not fair to ask of me? Because how could I not have feelings. I know you're grumpy and hardly ever show emotion besides anger but I knew that whatever was going on between us; you had feelings too."

"You read me like a book. I don't like it. Don't like books either." She takes a few sips since they forgot that part of the game before handing it back to Trish.

Jessica asks why she dated Simpson. Trish retorts and asks why she slept with Luke.

Jessica replies truthfully. "The first time I just wanted to feel something but in the end all I felt was shame when afterwards I saw a picture of Reva in the bathroom cabinet. The times after that were just because I knew I couldn't break him. I didn't have to hold back and it was good to be able to let go like that."

Jessica doesn't realize that she's a little too honest or forward now. Trish is visibly hurt. She feels like Jessica indirectly said that because Trish wasn't unbreakable that she wouldn't be able to ever fully let go with her. She feels her heart break, knowing she can never give Jessica what Luke can.

Trish doesn't speak after the revelation and chucks the amber liquid down her throat like it's nothing. Jessica gives her a puzzled stare but doesn't speak. It isn't until Trish asks whether they could stop this game, barely above a whisper, her voice cracking, that Jessica realizes that she said or did something that hurt the blonde. She wasn't even sure what she said anymore. _What was the question again?_

Trish faces away from Jessica but stays in bed. She did promise that neither of them would leave and she wasn't about to break a promise, even one that Jessica probably wouldn't even remember at this point. Silent tears fall from her cheek. She doesn't really have the right to be angry or hurt because they weren't even together then, and she asked Jessica to be honest without a filter but it still hurt. And it wasn't even about the sex, it was about what he could give her that she couldn't.

"Hey.. Trish… What's wrong?" Jessica asks her uncharacteristic gentle way. "I'm sorry, I'm not good at talking, you know that. I… Please talk to me."

Trish tries to even out her breathing but a small sob escapes. Jessica gets up out of bed and walks towards Trish from the other side. She crouches down next to her, tries to look into her eyes, only Trish wouldn't meet her eyes.

"I'm sorry. You did nothing wrong, Jess."

"Wrong or not, you're upset. I don't want you to be upset. Do you want me to go?" When it looks like Trish isn't going to reply she continues. "You wanted me to be honest with you.. So.. If you're not gonna talk I'm gonna run outta here and avoid you until I know what I did wrong and probably avoid you some more because of it and drink myself half to death in the process. So, yeah."

When Trish doesn't speak or meet her gaze, she gets up slightly frustrated. Maybe more at herself then at Trish, because yep, she already fucked up barely an hour after saying she would. When she's about to turn on her heels, Trish grabs her arm.

Wordlessly, she pulls Jessica back down, still not looking at her. When Jessica reluctantly lies back down, Trish moves over and nuzzles her head on top of Jessica's chest.

_Should I touch her? Are we OK? Are we fighting? What the fuck do I do?_

Trish moves her arm to drape over Jessica's waist. Jessica is afraid to even move at this point. She feels Trish soundlessly cry upon her. Her T-shirt is getting soaked but she doesn't give two shits about that. It probably takes her longer than it should, but she moves both of her arms to envelope Trish in a hug. When she feels Trish relax against her body, she hugs her tighter never letting go. Trish eventually falls asleep due to exhaustion.

Jessica's mind is going haywire. She tries to remember what she said and what the question was but she cannot focus. She let's it go and focuses on the hot mess curled up within her arms instead. She traces lazy patterns on Trish' back, who eventually awakes because of it. She keeps still but Jessica knows Trish is awake. She felt the slight hitch in Trish' breath and jump when she awoke to her touch. Jessica smiles at the realization that this, acting like this, definitely hurts her bad girl imagine. She doesn't care. Only Trish sees it. She trusts Trish.

"I know you're awake Trish."  
  
"I didn't want you to stop."  
  
"I won't. Will you tell me what I said to upset you?"

Trish tenses up again and breathes out: "No..."

  
Jessica sits up and drags Trish up with her. She nudges Trish to look up to her. She reluctantly does. They stare at each other's eyes, none of them are talking for a long time.

Jessica averts her eyes and speaks up.  
"You asked me to trust you and to let you in.. I did. Now I'm asking you to do the same. Can you?"

Trish knows she cannot argue with that logic. She feels self-conscious now because she doesn't know how to explain it and knows she's acting like an idiot. "Yea.." She tries to come up a good way to tell Jessica what upsets her but comes up empty. She blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

"I realized that Luke can give you something I never could."

_Luke? What does Luke have to do with this? What the hell did I say last night?_

"Luke?"

"You said he makes you feel good because you can fully let go with him. And because I'm not unbrea-"

"You're seriously worried about Luke?"

"No, I'm not worried I'm just saying that I can never-"

"You're an idiot, Trish Walker."

That statement throws Trish off. She keeps quiet.

"I was frustrated and practically used him as a punching bag in a sexual way. I would never dare to do that with you whether you are unbreakable or not. That with Luke was just sex, Trish, it wasn't making love, damn it.

Trish smiles and hears what Jessica doesn't say. _"I want to make love to you, not just have sex."_

"Yeah, but you have to hold back with me. Like.."

"Trish?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Just _trust me_ when I say that you don't have to worry about that. It's not even something that crossed my mind as a worry or anything. Damn, Trish, you really have no idea."

She was right. Trish was completely puzzled. She has no idea what Jessica is talking about.

Jessica sighs because she knows that it will just keep haunting Trish in her thoughts. She moves her mouth close to Trish' ear; just breathing near it for a few seconds. Trish shudders at the sensation and awkwardly shifts in Jessica's arms. She whispers.

"I like to be topped."

Trish' breath catches and Jessica feels her heart accelerate rapidly in response. She smirks, thinking that she finally gotten through to Trish.

She licks her ear and bites it softly before adding:

"Can you manage that?"

The response is priceless Jessica thinks. Trish' eyes are dark, full with pure and utter lust. Jessica ruined the moment when her stomach grumbles at the lack of food and abundance of liquor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it OK for Trish to give Jessica alcohol in order for her to talk to her? No, probably not. Should you pressure someone like that? No. No, you shouldn't. This only works for the two of them, OK? OK.
> 
> Oh, I probably forgot to mention that it's going to be a slow burn regarding smut between those two. I will post a one shot smutty Trishica fic soon; please let me know what you think about that because I'm kinda self-conscious (about it) and want to improve my writing.
> 
> True plot will be back next chapter :)!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading - and by all means - leave a comment!


	9. AKA Green Deceit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish and Jessica meet with Maya. Can't say more than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter within a week? Whooooo!

They’re on their way to the teahouse. Trish might be a bit too excited; definitely too excited for Jessica’s taste. She wants to know more about auras and that fight technique that Maya demonstrated before. She’s also wary of them; Trish is not stupid. Maya seemed to be able to handle Jessica. The fact that all of them are still alive and that no one got seriously hurt gives her hope that they could all be allies at the least.

Jessica is reluctant. She doesn’t give two shits about all this. The whole way she’s been muttering things like ‘fucking auras’ and ‘stupid Maya’ under her breath. Trish just pretends not to hear her annoyed huffs, but can’t help but smile every now and then. Jessica is really cute when she’s acting like this (but Trish would never tell her that).

They’re not showing any public displays of affection and Jessica is, of course, very glad that Trish didn’t initiate something stupid like holding hands. She’s also very glad for the space between them so that Trish doesn’t need to brush their shoulders together once in a while because that would, of course, be very annoying and would let to her having to resort to some kind of sarcastic remark.

Nope.

Jessica is actually kind of pissed off that Trish didn’t even try. Why didn’t she?  
  
  
She’s the first one to step through the threshold of the store. Trish is quick to follow. A waft of that peculiar scent reaches their noses almost immediately.

Trish is thinking about how the combined scents of everything she sees would somehow morph into this smell. It doesn’t seem likely as this smells too… Crafted. She shakes the thought and already missed part of the very one-sided conversation taking place.

“We don’t want any tea or other sh-stuff. Where’s your granddaughter? We want to speak to her.”

On second thought, Trish thinks this is probably how this conversation started.

Alexandra doesn’t miss a beat. If anything she looks a bit relieved to see that the pair decided to come back. It’s been close to a week since the altercation. She tells the two to wait and watch the store for her. Jessica is pretty sure that no one ever comes in here anyway. She wonders how these people pay their rent.

Trish roams through the store, occasionally picking up a jar and examining it. Nothing in here is from a manufacturer and there are no labels with ingredients on any of the products. They only have names which sound downright ridiculous to Jessica. She reads things like ‘midnight crush’ and ‘downtime diamonds’ but also things like ‘second senses’ and ‘fatal sleep’; what does that even mean? Trish silently admits that she has no idea either but would like to find out.

That is if she ever trusts to drink tea from here again. Initially, she was reluctant when Jessica wanted to throw it out when they came back home from the ‘gunfight’ (as Jessica so gracefully dubbed the meeting) but Jessica made her see reason. Jessica and reason; yeah she is capable of it once in a while. She pushed upon the fact that they had no idea if they mixed in some kind of poison or mind altering drugs. After all, anything was possible in the world that they found themselves in.

Maya comes back alone. “Thank you for watching the store.”

Trish cuts in before Jessica can say something, “No problem.”

Jessica clears her throat. She really didn’t like the way Maya was looking at Trish. Or Trish was looking at Maya. Or they were looking at each other. “Right, OK. You’re gonna tell-“

“We were wondering if we could interest you in expanding on the topics you mentioned the last time we were here. Preferably somewhere on more neutral ground.”

_Fucking Trish! That’s not… Ugh. OK. That’s probably more tactical; but do you really have to smile like that too?! Ugghh.._

Maya is noticeably taken aback by this request. She keeps silent for quite some time and Jessica inwardly already rolled her eyes numerous of times, but the look Trish shot her made her shut the hell up before she even opened her mouth.

“Yes, I think I can manage that. When would be a good time?”

“How about right now?” Jessica chimes in (a little bit) rudely.

Maya furrows her brows at the hostility but quickly changes her demeanor to something more inviting. Jessica, not paying attention to Maya’s face, didn’t catch that. Trish certainly did.

“In one hour at Indigo?”

 _She wants to meet at a bar?_ Jessica shoots Trish a look that says ‘why not.’

“An hour it is. We’ll be on our way. Bye, Maya.”

“Bye, Trish.” She turns to the other woman and gives a curt nod, “Jessica.”

Jessica gives her a nod back and waits for Trish to exit the store before she does.

***

“So…”

Trish looks at the black-haired woman and hopes she’s going to take the hint and say something, but she doesn’t.

“… I get that you’re annoyed right now but this could be interesting, OK? Let’s just hear her out.”

“Sure! Why not,” she quips sarcastically and flares out her hands in a way as to say ‘whatever you want, your majesty’ and takes a sip from the scotch Trish ordered her.

The blonde tries to not be offended or hurt, but Jessica is making that pretty hard lately.

“The fuck?!” she mutters to herself. “Hey, Trish. Taste this.” Jessica slides the drink in front of Trish.

She narrows her eyes at the drink and looks back at Jessica. “You know I don’t drink th-“

“Just a sip.”

She isn’t entirely sure whether this is a test of some sorts but does to take a small sip anyway. Jessica carefully looks at her face as the bitter taste enters her mouth. Just as Trish is about to ask what this is all about, she tastes it. A very sweet aftertaste. “This is good!”

Jessica rolls her eyes at Trish’ enthusiasm, “…But definitely not what we ordered. Unless you asked the bartender to put something extra in it?” Trish might not drink scotch, but she certainly knows about the good stuff and how you’re supposed to drink it. Jessica knows this about Trish but asks anyway.

“No. Just The Macallan; neat, like I always order for you.”

This scotch is supposed to have a faint hint of sweet caramel in it (that people that never drink scotch wouldn’t even taste through the high alcohol percentage) but this was just like someone poured some sugar in it.

"I think there's a reason she wanted us to meet here."  
  
  
Jessica absent-mindedly goes to take another sip when Trish snatches it away. She glares at her and has a look that says 'are you crazy?'

Trish shakes her head at Jessica, pretends to be clumsy and spills the liquid on the table. A waiter comes running over. "I'm so sorry! Let me help clean that up."

"That's OK ma'am, I got this." He goes to clean the table and offers them a new whisky. They politely decline the offer.

"I'm going back to work on Monday."

They didn’t necessarily avoid the topic but they didn’t mention it either. Both took some time off, but the station really needs Trish to come back. She also wants to. Being cooked up in the house is starting to make her restless. Being with Jess is the best thing ever, but she needs to feel like she’s accomplishing something; like she makes a difference to someone no matter how little. She also knows that being around someone too much will inevitably lead to annoyance and fights – something she desperately wants to avoid.

Jessica fiddles with her gloves and doesn’t look Trish in the eyes. “OK, yeah. Half the country probably misses your voice by now.”

“Wow, Jessica. Low blow. I do have interesting things to say, OK. I’m not just a pretty face.”

She looks up to Trish now. “Pretty voice. You can’t see your face on the radio, Trish.”

Trish rolls her eyes but didn’t miss the disguised compliment Jessica shot her.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" Jessica asks feigning hurt.

"What?! You do it all the time."

"But I'm me. You're... You! The politically correct Trish Walker."

Trish scoffs but doesn’t answer. She sees Maya walking up to them. Jessica follows her eyesight and has to swallow thickly and count to 10. Because – _what the fuck?! She ignored me flat out to look at… Her?!_

Yeah, OK. She had to admit that Maya looked, well, pretty good in her tight skinny jeans that framed her ass just right. She _almost_ pulls of the leather jacket better than she does. It also looked way out of character. The last two times they saw her, she wore boyfriend fitted jeans with hoodies. She also couldn’t help but notice that she actually changed outfits in the hour since they last saw her. Why?  
  
  
"Ladies," she greets them curtly but with a smile.

_That’s also different. What’s up with these people?_

She eyes the empty chair, clearly waiting for one of them to ask her to sit down. Trish is the one that gestures her to sit down. Jessica would surely have left her standing there.

“Would you like something to drink? I get a discount for knowing the owner.”

Trish and Jessica share a casual, but knowing, look. Jessica tells her that they already had one.

Maya looks pleased to hear this and Jessica is trying really hard not to show any physical reaction.

“You have questions...?” Maya looks at Trish. No. She gazes at Trish. Jessica wishes she actually had laser eyes now.

“A lot. You dodged questions when I held you at gunpoint and I, we, let you but we’d like to know what you know regarding Jessica.”

Maya scrunches her eyebrows just slightly in a way that barely anyone would notice, but Trish being an actress and growing up around people who didn’t mean the things they said, surely did notice.

All Jessica could see was the intense gaze and the way Trish seemed to give Maya her undivided attention. Her jealousy wouldn’t let her see what she normally would’ve seen. Which is Trish just trying to get a read on this woman. Her jealousy wouldn’t let her do the same thing. The thing she made her very job. Noticing little things in people’s demeanor, figuring out if they’re telling the truth.

There was something else that was making Jessica a bit hazy. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, though.

“I only know what I already said. There are ways to get rid of the second aura but that would take time and dedication.” She looks pointedly at Jessica with those freaking green eyes, trying to make a point.

Jessica thinks she’s silently saying _‘you wouldn’t be able to pull it off anyway._ ’ Trish lightly brushes her arm on Jessica’s. It would seem accidental or casual to most but definitely isn’t. Jessica seems to catch on and stays quiet despite the fact that she really, really wants to hit something (or someone).

“How can you see this second aura and how do you know it’s not hers?”

Maya stares at Trish for a few moments. “The same way I know that something happened to you since our first encounter that makes you very happy beyond just an emotion or feeling. Your happiness is spread into your entire core. Dare I say, it’s love?”

Trish’ eyes widen and she swallows thickly. Her mouth feels dry all of the sudden. Her heart beats uncontrollably and she feels very naked in the moment.

“Alright, use your magic crystal ball on me and leave Trish out of it.” Jessica tries to make Maya look and focus on her so Trish can breathe again.

“Very well. I.. See something of the same in you,” she pauses and shifts her sight between Trish and Jessica. Something seems to click as she blinks a few times, “but the other aura seems to smother it.”

Trish interjects, “is yours light blue right now?”

“What?” She looks down at her own reflection in her watch and looks at her hands. “As a matter of fact, it is,” she says with reverence and in awe. “How do you know to do this?”

She ignores the question and looks at Jessica. The longer she looks at her, the more confused Jessica gets. She’s being scrutinized under an intense gaze. After what feels like hours, but is mere seconds, she speaks up, “Trish?”

“Maybe you should leave us. It is a full _moon_ after all.” Trish hopes that Jessica remembers the story she shared about her fondness of the moon and how she’s the only person she trusted with. Trust. Jessica had to trust her in this moment and leave her with Maya without knowing why. Jessica, who wants to punch something and feels incredibly angry (or just jealous) has to leave Trish with… No. She couldn’t. But she has to. Because Trish is asking.

They’re looking at each other and Trish can almost read in Jessica’s eyes what she’s thinking about. Her own eyes soften momentarily, a silent plea before she turns her stare into ice. She means it, and Jessica can almost physically feel the way it stabs at her heart. She feels the heat rising in her body. It hurts and Jessica cannot deal with hurt. She can, however, deal with anger. She feels the anger flaring up and feels slightly better because of it.

Maya catches the change in colors in front of her and looks pleased. She thinks that neither sees the lopsided smirk on her face, but Trish does. It makes her furious and it shows – directed toward the wrong person, however.

With a huff, Jessica slams her chair into the table and takes off without a word to either of them.  
  
  
Trish briefly hopes that Jessica understands but quickly pushes that to the back of her mind as she focuses on the anger. She turns back to Maya, who now has a curious but worried look on her face.

“What was that all about?”

“I needed her to leave _us_ alone.” She doesn’t give further explanation and Maya doesn’t ask for it.

“Do you know what the colors mean?” Maya asks Trish.

Trish notices that Maya seems a little nervous like she discovered something she wasn’t supposed to. Unfortunately, she really has no idea what it means. She isn’t even sure why she can see Maya’s aura as she couldn’t see Jessica’s just now.

“No.”

Maya gives her a faint smile and signals the waiter to come to their table. She orders two organically sweetened herbal tea without consulting Trish.

The blonde can’t seem to get a read on Maya. She’s clearly hiding something but also seems to be genuine in her answers, albeit a bit curt.

She unbashingly stares at Maya now. Not completely at her, but more so through her. Maya doesn’t seem phased and lets it happen. She doesn’t speak nor move. She gives Trish the time to process what she sees. The blonde gets lost in the blue hues surrounding Maya. It doesn’t seem to move yet looks so fluid. She fights the urge to try and touch it, feel it. From what she read that evening, it’s not something you can disturb by simply trying to reach for it. It’s not something you can grab and hold in your hands to observe it.

When the waiter puts down the tea on the table with a semi-loud clunk, Trish snaps out of her trance. She gives Maya an apologetic smile and she in turns just shrugs it off and moves one cup of tea in front of Trish. She goes to grab her own but is stopped by Trish.

Trish grabs Maya’s cup instead and takes a sip before she can speak up. Maya looks at her with raised eyebrows but takes Trish’ cup as her own. Trish knows she shouldn’t have drunk the liquid at all, but she figured the switch trick should do because she has no plausible reason to be wary of the woman.

But then why did she send Jessica away? And why did Jessica go so easily, without a fight?

Her thoughts are getting harder to form as she gets a little tired, sleepy even. She hears Maya asking her what she thinks about the tea and something about it being her favorite. Something about them being the supplier. Something about Jessica. Jessica?

Trish can’t reply despite her many tries. Her mouth won’t seem to open, and even if, her voice won’t come out. Her eyelids are getting heavier. She blinks and it’s hard to open her eyes again. The last thing she hears is Maya asking her if she’s alright. She cannot focus anymore. She puts all her strength into keeping her eyes open but her vision blurs until there’s nothing.

Nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me please, everything will be OK. I mean, it has to, right? All will be revealed in the next chapter (I think).  
> As always, comments and kudos are fuel for the writer!


	10. AKA Missing Delta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm; the voice of reason & wooden doors from Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone pointed out I should've rated this fic as 'mature', so I did now. Sorry, I thought the tags would suffice.

She takes off without looking back. Damn, it hurts more than she will ever admit.

That look in Trish’ eyes; her whole attitude. _What the hell is going on?_ Jessica didn’t miss the split-second in which Trish’ eyes pleaded for her to leave without asking questions. So she complied. Fuck, she did what she wanted of her. But she doesn’t understand why.

Jessica doesn’t know why she left and why she left Trish with _her_. She didn’t trust Maya and she thought Trish didn’t either.

_What the fuck am I supposed to do now?_

She feels the need to punch something or someone. She refrains from punching a random stranger or starting a fight. No. This is the new Jessica Jones, _the hero Tri-ah fuck._

In hopes of calming herself down, she starts running through the streets. She doesn’t want to resort to her usual. Doesn’t want to slip back the mask and go back to just surviving. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, being with Trish made her better. It also turned her into this sappy idiot that cares – and that notion pisses her off.  
  
  
It turns out that her aimless running wasn’t aimless at all as she looks at her own apartment building now. She must admit that her subconscious has good ideas. As she walks towards the elevator to get to her floor, she gets hit by the realization of the past months. _A girl killed her own parents in cold blood right here where I’m standing. I could’ve stopped it. I should’ve known._

She sprints out of the elevator, unable to breathe. She stumbles through the hallway looking drunk as hell and inadvertently knocks into some doors on her way to her own.

As she stands before her door, looking at the window pane Trish ordered her, she realizes she only has the key to Trish’ apartment in her pocket (which was ridiculous to begin with as she never used the front door anyway). Somehow, the thought of Trish grounds her a little and her breathing slows.

She snaps her own lock with a sigh and doesn’t bother to close the door before crashing onto her bed. The bed where Ruben was killed. _Fuck. This whole building reeks of death._

Her head is spinning and her breathing is ragged. She knows this is the start of a panic attack. The same attacks she always tried to manage with alcohol. It helped her to stop her from thinking ten things at once, feeling a million things and from bursting into flames.

It helped to numb the pain, even if it was just a little.

She tries reciting the street names again. The words barely come out as it feels like _his_ hands are around her neck now. _This can’t be happening._  
  
  
Jessica doesn’t notice that someone came into her apartment. They closed the front door and are standing near the threshold to her bedroom.

A voice speaks up and she’s too focused on not choking that she can’t even be bothered to look up or defend herself at this point.

“Jessica?”

The voice is gentle and familiar. It takes her a few moments to place it. It’s Malcolm.

“Are you OK?”

It was a stupid question and he knew it the moment it left his mouth.

"Can I come in?"

Jessica attempts to laugh at his question. It was the same question she asked Trish a few days ago.

Malcolm pretends he isn’t fazed and steps into the room. He knows better than to touch her, so he doesn’t even ask if he can.

He slides down the wall next to her bed and sits there. He starts talking slowly and in a low voice. It sounds ridiculous but somehow the sound of his voice becomes more soothing as time passes. She uses his voice to anchor herself in the here and now. Her breathing slowly becomes more stable, but Malcolm doesn’t stop talking as he keeps observing her through hooded eyes.

If she was completely honest, she didn't want him to stop talking. Which was remarkable because he usually just pisses her off with his endless rambling.

When she’s calm enough to function again, she thinks she should thank him but the words won’t come out.

"Malcolm...."

He interjects, "So, what brings you here?" She flinches but he carries on anyway. "Ready to get back in the game? I was thinking about using a separate line for cases."

She knows he's trying to distract her from whatever and she appreciates it more than she can show. "You were thinking or you already did?" She quips and feels a bit better. Although she was basically losing herself, she did notice the stack of papers on her desk when passing the office.

"Right. I hope you don't mind. I didn't make any promises to anyone. Just... If you want to look into any of those…" he signals to the files, "their contact information is on every first page."

She slings herself off the bed, promptly ignoring Malcolm, and takes a seat at her desk.

As she walks away, he notices that she doesn’t reek of alcohol and that her movements appear to be a lot more fluid than he has ever seen. He smiles to himself. He’s not the only one that gave up a bad habit.

Jessica opens up the first file as he moves to sit at the opposite of the table she's sitting on. "That one is from a dad with a missing 9-year-old. He got contacted by people pretending to be the kidnappers and they robbed him off all his life savings. I don't think they were the kidnappers."

As he speaks she looks at a small photo attached. The girl has blue eyes, blonde hair and a smile that looks so genuine and carefree. Her name is Jennifer Woods.

"Make me an appointment with the man. See if there's any new news. I see this folder is a few days old."

He grabs the file and starts to dial the number on the folder.

Her mind wanders over the stack of files. They're not all missing children, but she feels guilty at not giving attention to any of them. She objectively knows she cannot help them all but damn it if she didn't try. She vowed to herself to take on at least one of those cases at a time. No more cheating spouses unless it pays well; girl's gotta live too.

Just as she's getting lost in thoughts, Malcolm nudges the file back into her hand.

"She's still missing. Cops can't find any leads and because he’s an alcoholic, he's the main suspect in their case... "

This information riles Jessica up. Why are alcoholics immediately placed into the 'don't trust - keep at bay' category?

"… In 30 minutes."

"What?" Jessica wasn't listening anymore.

"I said he'll be here in 30 minutes," Malcolm gently repeats.

His eyes betray his need to know if Jessica is OK. She trained herself to see things like this, but it doesn't mean she understands why he cares. Well, it's more that she doesn't want to admit it is mutual. She cares. She helped him get clean in her own way. Yeah, it was emotional blackmail in a way but it worked and he seemed to appreciate it in the end.

**

As Malcolm went to pick up the remaining empty bottles in her apartment (much to her dismay, what the fuck did he think he was doing?) he asked about Trish.

"How's she doing?"

_Well fuck. Probably fucking some girl right now._

"Fine," she croaks out.

He can see and hear her grit her teeth and drops the subject. Luckily, it’s also the moment Jennifer's dad knocked on the front door.  
  
  
Before Jessica could say something, Malcolm already opened the door and introduced himself to the man. He was still obscured from her view. She thought she recognized his voice somewhat, however.

When Malcolm pushes the door open for him to enter she sees red. _That asshole?!!_

When their eyes meet, all color drains from his face. Yeah, he recognizes her as well. It was the moment he knew he fucked up earlier. Despite being drunk as fuck; he remembers what he did. What he said.

Malcolm, caught in-between the two, keeps eying the two carefully. He can sense that Jessica is about to go ballistic but also knows that she apparently has every right to, based on his reaction.

He tries to release the tension in the room. "It seems like you already met each oth-"

"Why should I believe a word you say?" Jessica all but snarls at the man.

He slumps down, unable to meet her gaze anymore. If it wasn't for Malcolm holding him up he would've been a puddle on the floor by now. Malcolm leads him towards the sofa to sit down.

Jessica is angry but Malcolm keeps her from saying anything with a stern look. As a way to repay what he did earlier, she keeps quiet but cannot refrain herself from rolling her eyes.

Malcolm is actually quite surprised that she keeps quiet but doesn’t comment on it.

As the man recomposes himself, he gives Malcolm some files who passes them to Jessica. It a police dossier that he isn't supposed to see let alone have in his possession. She's equally impressed as she is skeptic of its authenticity.

"A janitor who has access to the file room got them for me when they told me that the case got stuck. They didn't want to give me any information so I took it in hopes of finding something. Anything. I..” his voice breaks, "I didn't."

Jessica hums in reply. The files look genuine after a quick look and she understands what he means. The dossier is eerily thin. She doesn't understand why the police wouldn't give more attention to a case as delicate like this. It makes her blood boil.

She sees the name of the lead detective on the case. She thinks she recognizes the name but can't place it and lets it go.

"Tell me everything you know. Anything at all that might be relevant. Even if you think it isn't. Start at the day she went missing. You woke up; and then what?"

He went on and told Jessica and Malcolm everything he could remember. She asked him about enemies or anyone that gave either of them a side eye. Both Jessica and Malcolm are scribbling notes as he continues his story. Malcolm even interjects and asks a question of his own. At first, Jessica is annoyed, but the question he asks proves to be quite useful so she lets it go. It was then that she realizes she actually likes working alongside Malcolm.

They got all they could from the man and he left after Jessica promised to look into it. She knew she couldn't make any other promises like 'I will find her. You will get her back.' and if anything he was just glad someone else was looking at it as the police and he were stuck.  
  
  
She looks over her notes and tries to find a place to start her search. Malcolm, however, drags her out of her thoughts.

"How do you know each other?"

She's confused as she has no idea who he's talking about. He points at the files.

"A few nights ago, he drunkenly tried to start a fight with a girl that could've been his first child. I told him to leave her alone." He frowns at her and silently prompts her to continue, not believing they didn’t fight or something.

She rolls her eyes. "I didn’t hit him. I was at the bowling alley with Trish.” She didn’t mean to say her name or the place of the meet. Jessica stops talking and braces herself for his reaction, as he may or may not put pieces together. None comes.

She looks up at him and he’s smiling like a puppy. “What? Why are you smiling?”

His smile grows as she gets more frustrated. "It's about time, Jessica." He calmly speaks into the air between them. It's her turn to frown at him.

He doesn't elaborate. He doesn’t have to. Everything Jessica thinks she’s hiding is right there in her eyes when she speaks about Trish.

"So, where is she?" he asks gently. He knows now that something probably happened between them that made her come here in the state she was in.

"I don't know." Her voice is level, all business; somewhat cold. _She hasn’t called yet._

He doesn't seem fazed by this. "Shouldn't you go find out?" He smirks.

"I... " It was the first time that Malcolm left her standing there with nothing to say. No sarcastic remark, no quip; nothing to fire back. Nothing at all. Because his question was simple. It was so damn simple and rhetoric.

He picks up her cell phone from the desk and hands it to her. She looks at it but decides against calling. She pretends to look at the time on the device instead and states that she has to go.

As she prepares to walk out, she tells him she'll call him later regarding _their_ case. A slip-up or a silent question for him to be her assistant or whatever they were not going to call it? Malcolm just beams at her and nods.

When she's at the door he says: "She's good for you."

Without looking back or saying anything she briefly pauses and shuts the door.

_I'm clearly not for her (but I want to be)._

**

She lands on Trish' balcony and roams the apartment. The blonde is not here. It's a little over three hours after Jessica left Trish with Maya at that bar. She loses her patience. She doesn't care how many things they needed to discuss privately. She waited long enough. She's been accommodating enough toward Trish. So, she gives in to Malcolm's earlier suggestion and calls her.

She lands on Trish' balcony and roams the apartment. The blonde is not here. It's a little over three hours after Jessica left Trish with Maya at that bar. She loses her patience. She doesn't care how many things they needed to discuss privately. She waited long enough. She's been accommodating enough toward Trish. So, she gives in to Malcolm's earlier suggestion and calls her.

It goes straight to voicemail.

She's pacing Trish' living room now, contemplating on whether to do something (reckless) or just wait for Trish. The blonde is not one to turn off her phone under any circumstances.

Jessica goes to the home gym and starts punching the bag hanging from the ceiling. The punches start off somewhat controlled as she tries to mimic how Trish was doing it earlier in the week. She was too proud to ask her to teach her some moves but definitely appreciated the controlled, graceful movements Trish displayed.

Whatever. Jessica has always been about the quick punches. Technique be damned. Couldn't hurt to learn it but hey, she can hold her own either way, right? Her mind struggles to move away from the subject that is Trish. As she replays that cold hard stare Trish gave her, she lands a particularly hard punch that nearly rips the bag to shreds.

It actually did rip to shreds.

The sand that once resided in the bag is now a big pile on the ground. "Fuck!" she groans and takes off toward the bar.

**

The bartender tells her that the pair left and that the blonde seemed to look ill and even passed out. He helped the brunette get her in the back of a cab. Jessica loses it, grabs the bartender over the counter and demands to know where they went. As he holds up his hands in surrender, he tells her that he has no idea. He didn’t stay long enough to hear where the cabbie would be taking them. He suggests trying one of their houses. Still gripping his collar, she closes her eyes, counts to 10 and releases him from her hold. She gives him a curt nod, grits out a weak ‘sorry’ and promptly leaves toward her next destination.

She practiced this restraint with Trish. It seemed stupid to Jessica and initially she wouldn't take it seriously and mocked it to the greatest extent possible but when Trish seemed hurt that she wouldn't even give it a shot, she genuinely tried. One day they even went out to a place they'd know Trish would be recognized with the chance of being ambushed by strangers that are a little too excited. Jess would act like some sort of bodyguard but _with_ restraint. One guy was so in awe of Trish in a creepy way that he tried to kiss her. Jessica nearly punched the guy in the face, settling on a kick to the groin. After a talk with Trish, she handled the next guy a lot better. She pointedly told him to stop harassing Miss. Walker (saying it like that felt weird on her lips) and only threatened him. When he mocked her little figure she refrained from hitting him and counted to 10. His smug face was quickly replaced by fear when Jessica opened her eyes with such fire in her eyes that he probably thought he would combust on the spot. He weakly apologized and walked away. Trish' hug from behind came so suddenly it knocked the breath out of her but it was definitely worth it all.

**

The teahouse is closed which was to be expected. She goes around back. That door is locked as well. She rolls her eyes and breaks the lock with ease. It might as well have been unlocked to begin with. At first glance, the apartment seemed to be empty.

Jessica is getting sick and tired of that damn smell that's still residing there. It's a million times stronger now and she thinks she might pass out because of it. It makes her even angrier.

She pushes through in favor of finding Trish. She left with Maya and didn't go to her house, so they have to be here. It annoys her that Trish didn't contact her, but it's also worrisome that she didn't pick up her phone or let Jessica know she's fine. Or something. Anything, really. Even an angry message saying she never wanted to see Jessica again would suffice.

After searching all the rooms and finding no one, she stands still to plot her next move. Maybe the smart plan is to locate files to see if they owned anything else. Like another place or even a storage unit. She goes through all the rooms she just visited and starts to open drawers and closets and pretty much uproots the place.

When she's down the third room, she realizes that the smell is stronger in some places than others. She tries to pinpoint the origin.

It's how she finds herself standing in front of a nearly _empty_ wall. There's only a clock to the side and a plant in the opposite corner. It's not out of the ordinary as the place is scarcely furnished.

She leans on the concrete with her forehead. The scent seems to be coming from _behind_ the wall. Out of sheer annoyance, she punches the wall at eye level. She expected drywall but it seemed to be even harder than pure concrete. It almost seemed like solid steel. She's sure she just broke some knuckles and grunts in pain and frustration.

She taps the whole width of the wall to hear if something sounds off. It all sounds the same. She takes a step back and looks at it. It's faint. Like it only lights up in the dark or something. There’s a large triangle spanning the whole wall.

A recognition. She realizes she's seen it before. At Indigo. Behind the bartender. When she opened her eyes after counting to 10 she looked passed the bartender and saw it. Only there it looked like part of the décor. It was a nice eye-catching color of green. _Green._

The corners of the wall look different than other walls. It’s neat; it doesn’t look out of place at first glance. She pushes on the left corner, as it seems like the whole corner is like some sort of handle, not really knowing what she’s expecting. Nothing happens. She pushes the right corner and something clicks but nothing else happens.

She tries again, harder this time. The whole wall seems to pivot and rotate. She pushes it far enough so she can slip through it. She barely has any room to stand behind the wall. It’s completely dark. She uses the flashlight from her phone to look around. The width is barely one meter and the length is the same as the wall she was just looking at. _OK. Now, what?_ She expects to see some kind of safe or something but there is none.

Jessica walks towards the left corner and almost falls down. There’s a very small stairwell leading down. It is obscured in such a way that unless you walk all the way to the corner, you cannot see it.  
  
  
She walks down endless steps of stairs which ends in a long corridor. She’s definitely below subway level now. It’s not entirely dark as she sees flame torches spanning the whole hallway. _Weird._ The smell from before seems to be even stronger down here. She walks through the corridor and passes a door. She walks further but realizes that the smell is getting slightly fainter again. It originates from behind the first door.

It’s a big wooden wall with things carved into it. There’s that triangle again, right in the middle of the door. She yanks on the door but it doesn’t budge. She uses her strength and tries to push it open. It doesn’t give. She punches it but only ends up hurting her own hand. She’s not indestructible like… For a brief second, she wishes he was here.

She tries to collect herself to give the door another push, and in those moments of concentration, she thinks she can hear Trish' voice on the other side of the door. She's not sure whether it's in her head or if Trish is actually there. Either way, this is her best shot right now. She growls, feels her anger boiling up within her. It’s amping her up and she tries to push the door open with her shoulder by launching into it. It doesn’t even creak. _'The fuck kinda door this?_

Jessica tries and tries and tries until she’s too weak to surge at the door anymore. Her shoulder is probably dislocated and her knuckles are bruised and bloody. She kicked the door so many times that she can barely stand anymore. Tears are streaming down her face and she doesn’t even know why.

Broken, she tries to catch her breath against the wood, slowly lowering herself onto the ground. She cannot give up. She wants to be the hero Trish thinks she is. She cannot fail her.

She focuses all her thoughts on Trish. _What would Trish do?_ She would be calm and collected. Wouldn’t brute force it at all. Hell, Jessica tried that and failed. It’s time for a different approach. WWTD? Probably tell her how stupid she’s being. Probably say something along the lines of “Jess, be smart about it and just think for a second before you go all ballistic.”

She kneels toward the door, head against the wood. She laughs to herself. “Fucking Trish. Like the door is going to open if I just pet it or something. Oh, and now I’m talking to myself as well. Great. Fucking great. This one is on you, Trish.”

Trish always breaks straight through her anger, her hurt. Through everything. Whether she wants it or not. Until all is left is something she can only describe as good. But there cannot be any good in her. She doesn’t want to feel that. She doesn’t deserve that. Maybe the past couple of weeks were too good to be true. No. Fuck that. She refuses to go there.

She has to find Trish. She wills the door to open. It has to open.

She’s not even aware that she’s slowly, gently pushing at the door. Eyes closed, forehead against the door. She’s confused because did it just move?

It did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's behind the door? Jessica doesn't know but she pretty much gave it her all to get it to open. Because, damn it, if she gets beaten by a fucking door, right?!
> 
> As always; thanks for reading & lemme know what you think!
> 
> PS. Chapter two of "AKA Lightning Storm" has been posted!


	11. AKA Blue is the Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish is dead.
> 
> I'M KIDDING, OF COURSE SHE'S NOT.

Faint noises. Harsh touches. A throbbing headache.

She hears two people talking but cannot make out what they’re talking about as she fades in and out of consciousness. Trish is pretty sure one of the voices belong to Maya. She’s standing upright but her legs are too weak to stand on; someone is holding her up. Her mouth refuses to speak, her mind cannot piece things together and she has no idea what’s going on. There’s only one thing on her mind; Jessica. Trish is happy that she sent her away. She’s happy that Jessica left. In Trish’ mind, she kept her safe from whatever the hell is going on right now.

"Why is she smiling all of the sudden? Is she supposed to react this heavily?" A male voice asks.

"No, she took my tea before I could say something," Maya replies a little worried.

Trish finds her voice again and slurs out "Jesssss.. Ica."

She hears Maya say something about taking her home before she passes out again.

**

She regains consciousness as a particular smell reaches her nose again. It takes her a minute to be aware enough to be able to fight back a little against Maya’s hold on her. She doesn’t know where the brunette is taking her to and well, the fact that she was incapacitated is worrying, to say the least.

The brunette tells her she’s safe and that she doesn’t have to worry. Trish attempts to look up at her but her vision is blurred with a vividly blue color that seems to still surround Maya. It makes her head spin. Maya tightens her grip around Trish just a little. It didn’t feel restricting to Trish. Actually, it feels oddly reassuring – but no. Trish won’t be fooled so easily. She waits for her moment. The moment to get away. She pretends to feel hazier than she actually feels and lets her feet drag across the floor, trying to make it harder for Maya to drag her along. Only it doesn’t really seem to work as Maya easily picks her up.  
  
When Trish feels like she can move again, she tries to subtlety look around for signs as to where the hell she is but it’s too dark to see. The only thing she seems to see are fire torches. It looks like she is in some kind of long hallway. A secret passageway of sorts in the middle of Hell’s Kitchen? The furthest fire torch seems to be, what, five miles away? She can make out some path divergences to the sides. It’s definitely some kind of (underground?) passageway.

Maya stops walking as they stand before a huge heavy looking wooden door. The clouds in Trish’ mind are almost gone now as she looks at the carefully crafted designs running the entirety of the door. The icon in the middle catches her attention. It's a big triangle carved into the wood, giving it a 3D effect. It's the same icon the teahouse uses delicately. It's not the store's logo, but she's seen it on the carpet she stepped on upon entering, and on the ceiling where the 'gunfight' took place. When she thinks about it, Trish is also certain she saw the same symbol delicately hidden in plain sight behind the bartender at Indigo. It was huge and spanned the entire wall like a random yet elegant decoration. It was so skillfully done that neither Trish nor Jessica noticed it then.

Trish’ plan to run off as fast as she can immediately leave her mind as Maya asks her to open the door. She won’t be fast enough in the state she’s in and well, she has no idea where to go. Looking back at the door, she can’t seem to find any handle or another way to open it.

Maya just nudges her head toward the door again without saying anything and even takes a step back.

Trish isn't really sure if she should but can't help but feel a tiny bit intrigued as to what would be behind it. She briefly thinks about Jessica and hopes she's OK before attempting to push the door open by placing a hand upon the triangle.

She hears Maya gasp behind her and is in the middle of snapping her head back to ask what's wrong when there's a sudden bright light blinding her. It only lasts a second and in that second the door opened. She’s not sure if she’s the one that opened it as she barely even pushed the door, right?

Maya is frozen on the spot. She knew it would be a long shot for Trish to get the door to open, but that she got it on her very first try was nothing more than spectacular. Maya closes her eyes and Trish sees something change in the demeanor of the green-eyed woman. Getting out of her reverie, she nudges Trish inside and lets go of her. The door closes behind them with a very loud thud which makes Trish grunt in pain. Her head is still spinning a bit.

She looks around the room as Maya kicks off her shoes and sits down on the floor with her back against the wall. Maya doesn't speak and waits for Trish instead.

It's a fairly large room. There's a big wooden desk placed in direct correlation with the door which makes it look like an office. The floor is carpeted with what looks like extremely soft material, a soft light brown in color. The ceiling is high for being in the basement. It would look like some kind of Cathedral building if not for the lack of windows. There's no natural sunlight coming in, yet it looks oddly inviting and light. She's not sure where the light is coming from as there's only a large chandelier hanging from the middle of the ceiling which doesn't appear to be on at all.

One side of the wall is completely filled with books. Very old ones from the looks of it. They're encased with glass spanning each vertical row presumably preventing them from getting too dusty. The other side holds a fireplace which is also very peculiar, because Trish didn't see a chimney, from the outside nor the parts of the apartment she's been in, that would explain a fireplace in the freaking basement.

Slowly, she realizes the position she's in and her body tenses at the realization. Her adrenaline spikes as she mentally prepares herself for battle or at least an explanation. There's no way she passed out without her drink being spiked or something.

Trish turns to Maya who is just sitting there looking at Trish, waiting for her to say something. She doesn't look intimidating nor like she wants to fight, but Trish can't seem to shake the feeling that something is very wrong. At least she thinks that's what Jessica would say if she was here.

"What did they put in my drink? Why am I here? What do you want from me?"

Maya softens her eyes and signals Trish to come sit - anywhere really. Trish reluctantly walks over to the opposite side of where Maya is sitting, keeping more than a fair distance between them. If Maya launches at her, she will have enough time to see it coming and act accordingly.

"You took my drink, remember? You were not supposed to drink it. I need it but you are too weak or, well, unaccustomed to it. I took you here because I have no idea where you live and well… Quite frankly, you turned out too interesting to just let go."

Trish tenses at that notion and eyes Maya carefully, looking for anything she could use as a weapon. She has no idea what Maya did with her purse which contains her sidearm.

"Sorry. That is not what I meant." Maya sighs, pinching her nose. "You saw my aura after what I initially thought was one glass of whatever you ordered at Indigo. The bartender told me you only took one small sip of the scotch. That is remarkable. It is not supposed to have that effect on normal people."

Trish scrunches her eyebrows. She has no idea what that is supposed to mean. Does that mean that Maya isn't normal? That she's somehow like Jessica maybe? Does it mean that she herself isn't 'normal' either?

“It is supposed to hide my energy from others while also preserving it. The smell and the taste of it is supposed to keep people with evil intentions at a distance. They usually show a remarkable amount of hostility and aggression because of it, but you… You kept calm and studious. I already told the two of you that I need to make sure you are not like that man, Killgrave, I think you called him? Now I am sure that you are not. You are destined to become something great. I do not know about Jessica yet but we will soon find out."

Trish only fixes on one thing; Jessica. "What did you do with Jessica?"

"Nothing. You made her leave. It has been over an hour since she left. I am assuming she will come look for you if you have not contacted her by the end of the night?"

It's a question but Trish doesn't answer her. She's not sure if Jessica will come looking for her. She hopes so but also knows that she was a bitch to her back at Indigo and that she wouldn't be surprised if she'd packed her bag and left considering how she made Jessica leave. OK, she would be.

"You passed the test I did not intend for you to take. You are free to go but I urge you to stay until Jessica comes looking for you. You wanted to know more about this all and this is your chance."

Trish looks back toward the door. She doesn't see a handle on this side either. Maya follows her eyesight and nods knowingly.

"The door only opens if your intentions are pure or just."

She asks about the blue color around the brunette that she can’t seem to see anymore. Maya tells her what the color stands for.

“Don’t take my word for it.” She stands up slowly and walks up to the bookshelf behind her. She opens the glass panel and skims her fingers over some books until she seemingly found the one she was looking for. She takes it out and hands it to Trish. “You may borrow it if you want to.”

Trish takes the book but doesn’t open it. She places it on the desk behind her. Maya smiles, grateful she didn’t put it on the floor.

The blonde decides to be straightforward and asks her what kind of place this is and whether she's some kind of witch or Wiccan. Maya gently smiles but nods negatively. She explains how she and her grandmother are part of a group that's been around for decades that help keep the balance between good and evil. They work in the shadows, never or rarely drawing attention to themselves. They call themselves The Order of the Delta.

**

They both see the massive door open just slightly. Maya is wide-eyed and Trish is just looking curiously, waiting to see who will come through it. Maybe Alexandra or one of the other members she hasn’t met yet. The door gets pushed open all the way and Trish sees her – it’s Jessica. She’s still kneeling in front of the door, looking utterly destroyed.

Trish is relieved that Jessica is here. That she didn’t abandon her. That she went looking for her. But especially that she didn’t go off the deep end and got wasted beyond recognition. Jessica fought for her and Trish’ heart swells at the realization.

That’s until she looks closely at Jessica. “Holy hell! What happened to you?”

Trish immediately gets up, but her body is still a bit weak and she stumbles forward and almost crashes to the ground. Jessica is quick to get off her knees and grabs her just before she falls. Trish lets the force of the stumble pull Jessica’s body flush against hers.

Jessica snorts and shakes her head slowly. Didn’t they do this before? Only now Jessica is the one bloody (and beaten) instead of Trish. _This fucking door. THIS FUCKING DOOR, TRISH. That’s what happened._

Maya just sits there, watching the scene unfold. She’s relieved and a genuine smile is taking over her facial features.

Jessica places one hand half-heartedly on Trish’ back and lets it travel along the surface to look for any signs of physical hurts. She finds none. She cannot raise her other hand due to her shoulder, so she can only do so much to try to hug Trish. Not that she would want that anyway. When Trish finds her footing again and he physical closeness gets a bit awkward for Jessica (with Maya around), Jessica lets her out of her hold. They look each other in the eyes and instantly know that the other is OK. It’s probably not all they see.

The black-haired woman marches toward Maya who in turn just holds up her hands in surrender. Jessica, however, won’t fall for that crap and demands to know what’s going on. She’s a foot away from Maya and somehow it’s getting harder for her to move forward. She does anyway and has to use her additional strength to do so.

The brunette seems a bit distraught and holds up her hands with more determination. “Jessica, calm down.”

Jessica feels it. Maya is doing something to her, but she tries to push through.

Maya sees something in Jessica’s eyes. It’s not anger. No. Jessica is still coming at her but it’s out of the sheer need to protect. The _want_ to protect. Maya doesn’t want to fight if there’s no need to do so. She lowers her hands and Jessica trips forward at the loss of resistance.

The brunette catches her and Jessica can’t shrug her off fast enough. She’s getting angry again. Because how dare she touch her. How dare she touch _Trish_. As if Trish senses her anger, she speaks up and tells Jessica that Maya didn’t do anything to her. Maya immediately backs down and sits back on the floor, trying to look the least intimidating as she can. She’s not trying to gain an upper hand here. Jessica isn’t entirely sure why but moves back toward Trish with the intent of getting her the fuck out of here.

Trish shakes her head when Jessica offers her hand for Trish to take.

“Wait, Jess. Listen to her, please.” She pleads with her eyes and Jessica knows she’ll give Trish whatever the fuck she wants – even if it kills her. She lets the blonde tug her down on the floor next to her. _Trish at the fucking floor willingly; I’d never thought I’d see the day._

Maya calmly tells them they passed the test and brings Jessica up to speed. The private investigator is reluctant to believe a word she says. Yes, OK, there’s something odd about this lady and she seems to have a remarkable amount of power and somehow is able to slow her down just by raising her hands, but that doesn’t mean that she’s not evil somehow. _The Order of the Delta? Really?_

“Right,” Jessica tries to keep her cool. “So you needed us at odds to see if we were worthy enough of,” she opens up the only hand she can move and flays it around the room, “whatever this is?”

“Yes. I had to observe the effects of the scents and drinks had on both of you. I needed to know if the true you is strong enough. Apparently you are, as you were able to open the door.”

Maya explains that the door is only to open with just intentions, with love and peace. Jessica found that in Trish, with Trish and because of Trish.

“So who are _you_ exactly? Your grandmother said that she is gifted as well.”

Maya furrows her brows. They weren’t exactly gifted. This is just how they were born after all. Can you really call that gifted?

“No, we are not exactly human."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because this chapter is descriptive enough as is, I didn't want to bother you guys right away with the specifics of The Order of the Delta and especially about them not being human. Rest assured, though, that they WILL be written as a part of the existing Marvel Universe. I just need to do a little bit more research before I want to throw it out there.
> 
> This chapter may be relatively short(ish) but it's essential for at least one major future arc. I foreshadowed it in this chapter, and probably also every time I made this one particular character says this particular word throughout the fic. Vague, right?
> 
> PS. I'm sorry if you were expecting some huge fight and I didn't deliver.


	12. AKA Doll Realities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Jess & Trish, but also Alias Investigation's case regarding the missing girl.
> 
> Also, they both can't seem to keep it entirely in their pants.  
> [for those of you wondering; no Order of the Delta in this chapter nor the next one probably].

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I give a masturbation warning? Is that a thing? I don't know, but there you go. It's non-explicit btw.

When they round the corner toward Trish' apartment complex, Jessica sees someone familiar exiting it. She holds Trish back with a not so gentle hand to the sternum which would've knocked her into the ground if not for the fact that her reaction time is vastly improving due to her Krav Maga training.

Without thinking, she grabs the hand pushing into her, uses their own force to knee them in the abdomen and grabs their arm to flip them onto the ground.

It wasn't until Jessica hit the pavement that Trish realized what she did.

It wasn't until she hit the pavement that she realized that Trish completely owned her. Moments passed in which Jessica couldn't do anything but stare blankly at Trish while lying on the floor.

Unfortunately, the woman Jessica was trying to avoid saw the altercation from the corner of her eyes. At first, she wanted to enter the awaiting cab as fast as she could, but when she noticed that her own daughter singlehandedly won a fight against a super-powered charity case, she couldn't help but smile. She waved the cab off and marched over toward the pair.

Meanwhile, Trish is furiously apologizing to Jessica. She's extending her hand for Jessica to take, but she's only met with cold wind greeting her hands. She's getting worried that Jessica is really mad at her.

"That was actually pretty good. I'm... Impressed." _And my ego is definitely bruised._

Trish shakes her head and goes to pick Jessica off from the ground as she wouldn't take her hand. A voice behind her speaks up.

"Trash should remain on the floor, Patsy."

Trish' back immediately gets rigid from tension and she snaps up upon hearing that voice coupled with that name. If it wasn't for Jessica helping herself up, she would've fallen backward onto the ground again.

Jessica looks Dorothy straight in the eyes. There's venom on her tongue and she's eager to spit it out. Instead, she grits her teeth and keeps quiet. She isn't going to interfere unless Trish gives her any indication that she can. She's acutely aware that Trish wants (and should be allowed) to fight her own battles.

She can't help but say something, though, as Trish doesn't seem to have found her voice yet.

"Hi, mom." She spits sarcastically. She keeps Dorothy's gaze, hoping that she knows that she's threading in thin waters regarding the 'agreement' they made over 15 years ago.

Trish is in the moment again and turns around. "Mother." She nods curtly. She's tense but determined to hold her own.

"I see you let _that_ back into your life but refuse to even see me?" She was referring to Jessica as an object, unworthy of even being called a person.

" _She_ was _never_ out of it." Trish waits for a moment to continue; more for her own sake than her mother's. "What do you want, mother?"

"Can't a mother just check up on her _only_ daughter? I couldn't reach you on your mobile and heard that you were somewhat missing. Didn't you get my letter? Your doorman told me that he gave it to you.

The blonde ignores everything she said and only responded with: "He did."

They stare at each other. Trish is waiting for Dorothy to either leave or say something. Trish has nothing to say to her.

And Jessica? She's pretending to look at something important on her phone. She's leaning on the side of the building, just a few seconds away from Trish. Ready to step in at any given time but not close enough to make it seem like she doesn't trust Trish to handle this on her own.

It's Dorothy that puffs out air in a sigh. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Trish isn't fazed. She knows her mom and her manipulative ways to get what she wants. The way she talks, her intonation, her pitch, the way she pauses between words like she's carefully weighing them for other reasons than you'd normally think; everything.

From her peripheral vision, Jessica sees Trish standing her ground. She's proud and a warm feeling settles in her belly.

" _We_ are fine. And _we_ need to go."

She looks up at Jessica who starts to walk up to her. As they start to walk away, Dorothy says something that makes Trish stop in her tracks.

"Remember you can always drop by to look at those boxes."

Trish doesn't turn around, but she does reply before resuming her walk.  
"OK."

Of course, she would reintroduce the only leverage she might have over Trish. She definitely meant for Jessica to hear it as well; hoping to maybe cause some trouble between the two.

**

"Did I hurt you back there?" Trish asks Jessica. She's genuinely concerned. Jessica thinks it's ridiculous, because... Well. She's Jessica Jones.

She looks pointedly at Trish and rolls her eyes. The blonde brings her a cup of hot cocoa and she takes it almost instantly, earning a chuckle from Trish.

"Let's watch this new series called 666 Park Ave, I heard it's good."

"Is that where the devil lives? Because I might start visiting to get more acquainted if I'm going to hell anyway," Jessica states dryly.

Trish tells Jessica to shut up, brings the popcorn over and settles her head in Jessica's lap to watch the first episode.

"The lead looks a little like you," Jessica observes.

"No, she doesn't."

"You're right. You're way hotter."

"You think so?"

Jessica isn't sure whether she's fishing for a compliment at this point. There's something in Trish' voice; a slight waver. It's barely noticeable but, of course, Jessica hears it. She decides this is not the time to mess with Trish.

"Yes. Not only do I think so, I positively know so." _When did I become so sappy? Shit, it's the truth, though._

Trish bites her lip and definitely cannot keep the smile off her face. She has no idea how she ended up with the only thing she ever dreamed of.

Jessica absentmindedly plays with Trish' hair while Trish traces her thigh in a non-sexual way. They occasionally yell at the TV and steal glances at each other. They don't speak or initiate anything when they catch the other one. Nothing besides a sly smirk or genuine laugh. They are having fun without strings, without worry. The realization of them being so... Normal. So... Couple-like hits Jessica like a train.

Not the fact that they looked like a (married) couple but the fact that they acted normal. Like normal people. Not strained. Not weird. Just. Easy. Like Jessica wasn't a freak. Wasn't a murderer. Wasn't an alcoholic. Wasn't an orphan. Like Trish wasn't rogue. Wasn't an addict. Wasn't an abuse victim. No. They're might've been all those things when alone, but together... Together they are so much more. Together they are good. They're a team. Them against the world. And Jessica? Jessica wouldn't have it any other way.

She leans down and kisses Trish so gently on the cheek that it has Trish looking up at her with a question in her eyes. "What was that for?"

"No reason." She turns her attention back to the TV but knows Trish is still looking at her. She can't help but smile. She hopes to play it off like she's smiling at something on the screen.

Trish briefly looks back at the screen and laughs. Not at what's on the screen, no at Jessica. There's no way Jessica was smiling at the TV because of the TV. No. Not when some terrified man quite literally got sucked into a wall. It looked brutal.

She playfully jabs Jessica in the jaw.  
"Ouch!"  
"Baby." She meant to say it demeaning, jokingly, but it came out sounding sweet bordering on seductive.

Jessica doesn't reply. She's not a baby. She doesn't want to be called baby. Not in any way. No. She's Jessica. Just Jessica. Nothing else. _Or Jess, but only when Trish is the one saying it._

Trish is disappointed that their banter is over. She contemplates about focusing her attention toward the TV again but decides against it.

She jabs Jessica where she kneed her just hours before. The other woman unwillingly hisses at the contact. Trish feels an adrenaline rush at the notion that she one-upped Jessica without even trying to. Maybe that's the only reason that she could; because Jessica wasn't expecting it.

She furrows her brows in deep thought, thinking that she really, really wants to fight Jessica. Jessica would never go for it, though. Not wanting to hurt Trish. Afraid of whatever, for whatever reason. No, if Trish wanted a fight, she needed not to ask but just do. But she didn't want a real fight with words and broken hearts either.

"Hey, Jess." She pauses until she knows she has her attention. "Since you broke my punching bag, can I use you?"

She snorts, thinking it's a joke. She realizes it's not when Trish raises an eyebrow at her.

Thinking that it could be fun, she agrees. She didn't expect Trish wanting to train right this instant, though.

 

And this is how she found herself standing in the middle of the home gym facing an overly eager Trish. She suddenly regrets she said yes.

Trish is wearing boxing gloves and Jessica reluctantly puts some on as well. Because a punching bag just needs to sit there and take hits, right? She's not planning on hitting Trish back, scared she might slip and hit too hard or hit her the wrong way. Unlike Trish, she never had any training and just throws punches without really knowing what she's doing.

She's effectively brought out of her thoughts when Trish throws a punch out of nowhere. It lands on yet the same place Trish hit her earlier. She doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that she might have a bruise there now.

She hears the Krav Maga expert say something about always being prepared and observant of surroundings.

 _Right. Focus._ But Jessica cannot focus. Trish looks hot when she's getting all worked up. Trish looks hot when she's trying to prove a point. Trish looks hot when... Well, she always does.

The blonde throws another punch and Jessica blocks it. Finally, some action, Trish thinks. She punches a combination of a right hook to the jaw, a knee to the stomach and moves her leg to twist Jessica to the floor. Jessica blocked the first punch and half-heartedly got the second but missed the footwork.

She's lying with her back against the floor. Trish smirks triumphally when the move somehow also pinned Jessica's arms behind her own back. She straddles Jessica's waist and uses her weight to keep her hands pinned down. She moves her own hand toward Jessica's neck while the other is firmly placed right atop a forming bruise.

Jessica's brain is going haywire. She, objectively speaking, has more than enough strength to push Trish off of her but none of her body parts seem to function at the moment.

The hand is now around her neck. She feels Trish squeeze. Not enough to cause pain but enough to feel her heartbeat. The moment only lasts a few seconds as Jessica finally kicks into gear and first pushes into Trish' hand, momentarily causing her hand to almost cut off her own oxygen flow and uses Trish' stunned appearance to free her hands and pin Trish down with both her hands above her head.

"That's not fair!" Trish pouts.

Jessica lets go and stands in the middle of the room again. Trish stays on the floor for a few moments but springs into action and immediately launches at Jessica.

She doesn't hold back now that Jessica showed she will fight back even if it's just a little. She bites her lip unconsciously and Jessica loses focus and her eyes wander toward Trish' face. _Those damn lips._

Trish throws an uppercut and Jessica doesn't evade, block nor attacks. It hits her square in the nose. There's blood on Trish' glove.

Trish sighs and starts to take off her gloves. She hoped to get a real fight or at least something more than an actual punching bag.

"Fuck!!" her response to Trish' punch is somewhat delayed as her brain was having trouble sorting through everything. It's then that Trish smirks and throws her a towel. At least Jessica felt that.

While Jessica tries to stop her nosebleed, Trish goes and does some pull-ups. Yeah, Jessica might be stronger but Trish has more muscle and, most importantly, more skills.

Jessica stares at Trish. She's at 8 pull-ups - _and damn does she look hot when she flexes her biceps, her shoulders, her back... The glistening of sweat illuminating her skin. Damn. Damn. Fuck. Get your mind out of the gutter, Jones._

Trish stops just short of 10 and jumps down. She smirks, gesturing Jessica to try it. As smug as Jessica is, she reaches up the bar and starts the motions for the first pull-up. _OK, this is harder than it looks._ She has to use her own strength to push herself up. That's infinitely harder than just push someone or something off of her or into something. She's using her strength the wrong way and inadvertently tries to pull the bar down with her. She feels Trish' hands on her waist and flinches slightly.

"Sorry," Trish mutters and backs up a little. "Pull yourself up, instead of the bar down to you. It's like when you jump up off the ground. Only now use your arms instead of your legs."

That sounds more than reasonable, Jessica thinks. She tries again and hangs on the bar. She tries to lift herself up, but she's not moving.

Trish looks back at the bar. Jessica is denting the bar with her hands, molding it to the shape of her hands. "OK, stop! You're messing up my bar!" Trish playfully jabs at Jessica.

When she's about to ask what Trish is talking about, she follows her gaze and immediately lets go of the bar and lands on her feet. "Well, that went perfectly. Not that I need to be able to do whatever it is you were doing." She tries to play it off by being her sarcastic self but fails miserably.

She's kind of embarrassed that she couldn't pull this off. Or well, she could quite literally pull it off but not pull herself up. She is determined to work on this, without Trish knowing of course.

**

Jessica's phone rings while she's in the shower. She left it on the coffee table in the living room. Trish is staring at a headline article for an online magazine. 'COVER UP: What the police are hiding about the docks incident.'

It’s been close to a month since the whole docks thing and she hoped the hype would've died down by now. More people actively tend to get out of Jessica’s way but other than that nothing really happened. No one really knew that Trish was there. The dock workers knew but they were too caught up in what they were doing to each other to actively pay attention. Afterward, they were just too shocked and scarred.

She decides not to read the article and instead focuses on researching tomorrow’s topic. She’s going to be interviewing an aspiring new artist called Stephen. He just released his first album “Sincerely.” She opens up her Spotify account and pulls up his songs. The first one is “Crossfire” with a little over 5 million views; not bad. His lyrics are raw, feel true and she instantly likes it. She thanks God that it’s not a sell-out artist she has to feature on her show.

Trish intently jots down some questions derived from his songs. Jessica is almost sure Trish doesn’t know she’s creeping up behind her. Just as she’s about to startle her by placing her hands upon Trish’ shoulders, the blonde speaks up not looking back.

“I know you’re right behind me. By the way, your phone was ringing a few minutes ago.”

Defeated, Jessica decides to let it go. “Did you pick up?” She sounds unsure and a little defensive.

“No, I did not. I don’t even know who it was.” Trish’ voice is level but can’t keep from thinking that Jessica is hiding something from her. She won’t let it show, though.

“OK,” Jessica responds a little relieved but kisses Trish’ shoulder through the blouse she’s wearing. The blonde turns her head and smiles at Jessica. She would would never admit it out loud but she turns to mush every time Trish smiles at her.

Trish unbashingly checks Jessica out who's only clad in a large towel. She looks so innocent and pure like this. Jessica clears her throat, not knowing what to do when Trish so clearly checks her out. Trish gets the hint and turns back to her laptop, intently listening to another song she clicks on. Jessica takes her phone and goes back into the bedroom to put some clothes on. She sees she also has a text message. Her face lights up and she's back at Trish' side within three minutes.

She clears her throat, lets her fingers slide along Trish’ chair. Trish acknowledges her by humming, not looking up from her screen this time.

“Can I take you to dinner, tomorrow evening?”

Trish turns around and smiles, absolutely loving it when Jessica catches her off guard like this. “Yes! Where are we going to?"

"It's a surprise. And before you ask, just wear whatever you want. You look good in anything."

"Hmm, you said dinner, right?"

"Right."

Trish got all she needed from just that one word said by Jessica. "Can't wait!" Tomorrow suddenly can't come quick enough for Trish. Back to work and a date to look forward to.

**

"So, what do we have, Malcolm?" She walks into her apartment and observes it looks cleaner than she left it. On the way over, she fully expected she’d find the place completely empty as her front door was unlocked this whole time but no one even bothered coming in. Maybe living in a bad neighborhood has its perks after all. Only she didn't live there anymore. This apartment wasn't her apartment anymore; it was her office. Maybe she should think about tearing the whole wall, separating the office from her former bedroom, all the way down. I mean, there was already a huge hole in it anyway… She made Trish promise not to get it fixed as it added character to the place. **  
**

"Well, I tried to do what you said but apparently I'm not P.I. material. I couldn't find any public social media pages of her." He was referring to Jennifer Woods.

It's odd. Yes, she was only nine and technically she wasn't allowed to have a social media page but who in the world follows that rule as even pets seem to have their own fucking Instagram or Twitter account nowadays.

“It’s OK, neither could I. She’s homeschooled so we can’t take her school as a starting point either. You said her dad kept her indoors most of the time because of some kind of skin condition?”

Malcolm sifts through his notes, “Hmm, yes. She has an extreme form of photodermatitis.”

Jessica raises her hands up in the air as to say ‘I’m no damn doctor.’

Malcolm amends: “She’s highly allergic to the sun.”

_Well, that must be very inconvenient._

“Alright, so no family that they talk to either right?”

“I managed to find an aunt of hers; her father’s sister. Lives about an hour away,” Malcolm says.

“I’ll go check it out.”

“Shall I come with?” Malcolm gets all excited, ready to see some action.

Jessica doesn’t think it would help to ambush this woman with the two of them. “No, try to see if you can find some friends of Jennifer. Doesn’t seem likely that he isolated her all the way, right? Call me when you get into trouble.” Jessica smirks at her apprentice. She would never call him that out loud, though.

**

She exits the cab and stands before a house in a fairly nice neighborhood. It seems like the aunt has kids of her own if all the various toys scattered around the yard is anything to go by. She rings the doorbell and waits.

It opens almost immediately. “Sorry, we don’t buy anything.” Before Jessica can say anything the door is already closed. _Well, then…_ _Do I really look like someone that would sell you anything?_

She rings the doorbell again and makes sure she puts her foot between the door. The woman looks down at her foot and then finally up at Jessica for the first time. “You’re not here to sell anything, are you?”

“No, I’m here because of Jennifer Woods. Are you Emma?”

The woman, in her thirties, frowns deeply and cocks her head slightly to the side. “Yes, I’m Emma. I haven’t heard the name Jennifer for a long time. Who are you?”

“My name is Jessica Jones, I’m a private investigator investigating the disappearance of Jennifer. Can I come in?”

Her eyes widen almost imperceptibly. Jessica, however, noticed it. “Ehm... Yeah, sure,” she gestures Jessica inside, and yells up the stairs “Jessie! Get your brother to practice now! Dylan, hurry up!”

She turns to Jessica who was just looking around the house and settled on observing some family pictures. _Jessie, huh?_ Jessica feels like she’s suffocating but tries to push her feelings back into Pandora’s box. She hears the woman talk about her family but truth be told, Jessica didn’t catch any of it. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t important anyway. Her main focus is Jennifer.

“When is the last time you spoke to either of them?”

Now that she set aside her own feelings, she observes that the woman seems nervous. She fidgets and keeps picking up random things and putting them in other random places; she’s not cleaning up. She’s rearranging.

“My brother and I had a fallout years ago. I haven’t spoken to him since. As to Jennifer? Jennifer doesn’t exist. There never was a Jennifer. He doesn’t have a kid. I’m sure he left out the fact that he’s diagnosed as a schizophrenic? I’m sure he has all kinds of issues. He’s unwilling to believe that…” The woman drops the glass she was just filling up with water. Her hands shake.

Jessica is unsure whether this behavior stems from her memories of her brother and the fact that they don’t speak to each other or because she’s hiding something. Either way, she doesn’t offer to help clean up but decides to observe the woman some more as she asks the next question.

She isn’t going to ask about the fallout or the issues Jennifer’s dad might have. She isn’t even going to ask why she’s so clearly lying about something. Jessica never mentioned Jennifer being his kid. She only mentioned the name. Sure, Emma could’ve assumed but why would she do that if she’s so sure that he doesn’t have a kid to start with?

She decides to take the conversation into a whole other direction instead, before coming back to this.

“What was his occupation before his diagnosis?”

“What? Ehm... I mean he worked for some sort of pharmaceutical company. I’m not exactly sure what he did but it had something to do with researching DNA replacement something? I have no idea.”

That was interesting information; she would look into that later. She took the conversation back to Jennifer.

“How are you so sure that Jennifer doesn’t exist?”

That got the woman off guard. She frantically starts to clean the dishes. “I can’t do this again.”

“Do what exactly?”

“Years ago he asked me to come stay at his place; thought it would be good for his kid to have some more human interaction. I.. Don’t even know what that means because I had no idea he even had a kid. But I went but never got to see it, uh her. He said that she was sick and that I shouldn’t come near her. She was supposedly in her room the whole time I was there. He also mentioned something about her being allergic to sunshine or something. How ridiculous was that? Eventually, I went to bed and so did he. When I was sure that he was asleep, I opened up the door he called her room and took a peek inside. There was no one there. I mean there was a bed and everything but the only thing inside it was a doll. I thought he was going crazy. He was always a little weird growing up. So anyway, the next day I confronted him and demanded to see this child of his. He said that she slept in his room that night because of some nightmare or something. But I was awake the whole night I didn’t hear anyone exiting the room or any noise whatsoever. He just said that she’s always been a very quiet kid. When I asked to see her again, he got very hostile toward me and told me to leave. That if I didn’t believe him, he didn’t want me being a part of his kid’s life. So I left and I never heard from him again.”

 _What the hell have I gotten myself into?_  
  
**

She discusses her findings with Malcolm who seems very skeptical about the whole thing. “So, we’re looking for someone that doesn’t exist?”

“I’m not so quick to give up on this. I’m going to ask a friend to find out his medical records and maybe even find the kids’, because if she has a condition there must be a record of it. Meanwhile I would like to ask the officer on the case if he has any more insights.”

She sees Malcolm lighting up. He wants to do more than just make phone calls. “Do you want to talk to the cops, instead?” She asks him, fully knowing the answer already.

“Yes, that’d be cool.” He tries to supress his bouncing up and down the chair he's sitting on.

She hands him the file. “Don’t mess it up.” She contemplates on telling him that he isn’t supposed to have the file and to stand his ground when he’s the one that gets interrogated. She decides to have some fun with him instead. Call it a hazing if you will. Maybe he’ll surprise her as there’s always a possibility that he thought this through more than she gives him credit for.

**

Although it’s already far into the evening, she decides to see whether the father sleeps at night or has other plans. She wants to get a feel of how many issues the guy exactly has. With his address in her hands, she goes off to find the man. Just as she’s about to settle in on a fire escape at the opposite of his apartment, she sees the lights go off. He’s either going to bed or he’s going out. She doesn’t have to wait long to see which of the two it is. Not two minutes later, she sees him exiting the complex and make his way across the street. _Game on, apparently._ There’s a split second in which she thinks he might’ve made her but instead he passes underneath the staircase and walks into an alleyway.

She takes photo’s off him being dressed in some kind of business suit, before she jumps down and trails him. He walks two blocks before he gets into a cab. She hustles one of her own and tells the driver to follow the other cab. The driver doesn’t even flinch and does as he’s told. _That’s Hell’s Kitchen for you._

They follow the cab to a nicer part of town where it finally comes to a stop. She tells the driver to stop a little further away, just around a corner; pays him and gets out quickly. She snaps some more pictures of the man as he walks up to an apartment complex. She just hopes this isn’t going to be some kind of booty call. She settles onto the roof of the opposite building and tries to see if she can follow him throughout the building to pinpoint which apartment he’s going into. _Bingo!_ A light comes on where it was previously pitch black. She takes a picture of the window and a zoomed out one of the complex so she can find out later who lives there exactly. _Third one from the left, two stories up._

The curtains are too thick to see anything but there’s a slight slit in between in which she can see that it’s not a woman he’s visiting. _Thank God, unless... Well. OK. Anything is still a possibility._

She decides to call Trish and it rings before she realizes that the blonde is probably already asleep.

_[fast forward the conversation a bit]_

"...It's probably gonna take all night," she says with a sigh.

"I wish you were here," Trish replies. It's an honest statement without any ulterior motives, but Jessica can't help but think about what it could mean. _Fuck._

The truth is that she’s been restless for a while now. She misses something. That something probably being sex. All the sex. She wants to lose herself in the act. It’s not something she thinks she can discuss with Trish. How do you discuss something like that anyway? ‘Hey, wanna bang?’ Luke was the first person she ever had more than just a one night stand with. It was weird; she thought they could have a future together. Only they can’t. She killed his wife, kept it from him and banged him. Multiple times. It’s silly to think anyone can come back from that. Besides, she would settle for him. He was never her first choice. Not that Luke was bad. Not at all. Objectively, he’s hot. And unbreakable. It made for interesting sex. But no, she doesn’t crave sex. She craves a level of intimacy with Trish that they haven’t explored yet. On a level she briefly touched upon with Luke, maybe. Sorta. But also, not really. Being with the one you really want is different in every single way. She knows it. It’s also much more threatening to everything she ever took as fact. The truth is that she craves Trish on a level she didn’t even think was possible. It messed with her head; her entire being.

She scrapes her throat, trying to find words. "Right."

The blonde doesn't say anything. Jessica's 'right' is a whole dictionary wrapped up in one word. Depending on her tone of voice, her articulation and the circumstances it could mean anything from 'fuck off,' to 'fuck you – right now.'

A few moments pass in comfortable silence. Both listening to each other’s' breathing. Jessica never knew that simply hearing someone breathe could be such a turn on.

"I've got movement, Trish. Gotta go! I love you."

It isn't until she pushes the 'end call' button that she realized what she said. It just rolled off her tongue so naturally. Like it's the most normal thing to say. It's not like she haven't said it before but there was always a reason she said it. A need to say it because the moment called for it. This time, though, there was no such need. She said it because... She feels it in her entire being.

She feels uneasy. Being with Trish is amazing but also very weird, like a comfortable uncomfortable? Jessica doesn't do well in unknown territories. This thing with Trish is a dive into the ocean to levels one cannot breathe without aide from an oxygen tank. She feels like she doesn't have an oxygen tank. Fuck, she doesn't even have scuba gear. She has no idea what she's doing.

Literally, no idea. Because where the fuck did Jennifer’s dad go? She was so lost in thoughts that she completely forgot to trail him.

_Trish is going to be the death of me._

**

Her jumps are getting much stealthier. She barely makes any noise when she lands on Trish' balcony. The lock is still broken. Neither of them bother to fix it or let it get fixed. The height makes it impossible for anyone to reach it; anyone besides Jessica that is. Yes, there's chance there's someone out there like Jessica, but the odds of them coming here are low. Actually, they aren't low if they figure out what Jessica can do and follow her here. OK, maybe she and Trish should have a talk after all. She makes a mental notion of it.

She kicks off her boots and shrugs off her jacket. She leaves it haphazardly on the floor but makes sure to be quiet. Trish is probably sleeping by now. It's 3AM after all. Jessica enters the bedroom and yes, it's dark and the blonde is breathing in steady, long breaths. She knows how much Trish hates it if her sheets are somehow 'unclean' so Jessica takes a shower and puts on a bra and some underwear.

She kisses Trish on the forehead, just because she can and Trish doesn't know anyway, and slips in next to her under the duvet.

Just as sleep finds its way to Jessica's eyes, Trish stirs in her sleep. At first it seems like she's going to wake up, but she doesn't. She makes some incoherent sounds and slings one hand over Jessica's chest. As she keeps talking gibberish, her hand slides down to Jessica's waist. Jessica's breath catches and she silently hopes the hand won't go further south. Or, actually she hopes it will. And if it does, she hopes that Trish doesn't wake up. She's not up for an awkward conversation about why she didn't wake Trish up or either them being uncomfortable and weird for the next few days because of it.

Luckily - or not - the hand stays firmly placed just above her pelvic bone. The incoherent mumbling turns into something that Jessica can make out vaguely. Trish is talking to or about her.

It makes her uneasy at first, thinking the blonde has some unresolved issues that her conscience mind deliberately doesn't talk about (they promised not to have any secrets for one another) which would be a disappointment. But then... Trish' other hand makes its way down her own body and goes straight to... Well, Jessica can't really see her hand under the covers, but she's quite certain she knows because of the sounds Trish is making now.

Yes, Trish is touching herself in her sleep. It turns Jessica on so much that she has to control her breathing, which turns out to be much harder than she expected because Trish' hand was now gripping her flesh like she thinks she's holding onto some sheets. The sensation makes her wetter. _Fuck._ She has to control the urge to touch her or touch herself. She wants to simultaneously run back into the night, and devour Trish whole. Her body screams in her mind and her mind is going haywire with so many feelings flooding her body.

Trish is moaning due to her own touch and it somehow makes Jessica jealous. She wants to touch Trish. To please her. To be the reason she makes those sounds. She wants to be the reason that Trish comes undone. She shoves Trish' hands from her body and gets out of bed to go and throw some water in her face - or something. She hears Trish moan expletives and things like "Yes, there!" But when she reaches the threshold of the master bathroom she hears Trish pant something that makes her stop dead in her tracks.

Trish is chanting _her_ name as she fucks herself closer to the edge. She keeps moaning and panting and cums with something that could be "fucking hell, Jess!" leaving her lips.

She comes down from her high, but somehow the aftershocks wake Trish up. It takes her a moment to remember where she is and more accurately where her own hand is. Or even more specific, how wet said hand is. She instinctively feels eyes on her. She sees a figure standing a few feet from the bed, frozen in place. From the silhouette alone she knows who it is. She's not sure how long she's been standing there. When her eyes adjust to the darkness, she sees Jessica's face being slightly illuminated by the lights outside. Jessica's eyes are wide and fixed on the approximate place of her hand. It's the moment Trish realizes she's been caught.

Jessica's eyes snap back to Trish' face and she smirks before winking at the blonde. Trish blushes furiously and gets out of bed faster than Jessica can whip out something sarcastic. She dashes passed Jessica and locks the bathroom. Jessica hears the sink running when she curses herself that she didn't stop her from running away.

Jessica knocks on the door with urgency. "Trish, please open the door.” There's no response as the water is still running. She tries again, "It's perfectly normal. Don't worry about it. Come on, it's just me. Open up."

Still nothing. She sighs, "Alright, I'm coming in. You know I will."

Her hand is already on the doorknob when Trish unlocks it from the inside. She doesn't open it, though. Tentatively, Jessica pushes it open and steps into the room. She finds Trish hunched over the sink with her hair masking her face.

A small smile plays on Jessica's lips. She would never say it out loud, but she thinks it's fucking adorable that Trish is so flustered by something so... Natural.

"I'm sorry," Trish croaks out.

"What for?" Jessica quips half amused.

Trish snaps her head in the direction of Jessica, fully intent on locking her out of the room, or maybe the whole apartment - until she sees the look on Jessica's face. She looks slightly worried and that worries Trish. Why is she worried exactly? Because she thought about her? Because, hell, how can she not? "I don't know. Embarrassing myself?" She's uncertain of how Jessica feels about this, so doesn't want to give away much.

"You didn't. I thought it was hot. Just worried for your reaction when you'd wake up and saw me, well..." She trails off, equally uncertain.

"My reaction?" Trish doesn't understand because she was the one that did something and not Jess.

"That you'd feel betrayed or something that I didn't stop you and instead just watched?"

Trish snorts, unable to keep her cool at how ridiculous that is. She wouldn't have any reason to feel betrayed. She realizes something. "You saw it all?" The silent question 'did you like what you saw?' wrapped within it.

Jessica blushes now. "Yes," she breathes out. _Fuck._

It takes Trish a lot of willpower not to smash her into a wall right now and take her. But, she can't. Her subconscious mind may be ready, but her conscious mind is not. Is not ready to accept Jessica's word that she herself is ready. Trish only dealt with the psycho briefly but Jess dealt with him for months and in complete isolation.

She wants her to heal. She wants to help. She, ugh... Probably wants too much. Jessica had issues before he came along, and it escalated and now. Well, Trish isn't even sure where Jessica stands now. The woman quit drinking, seems to genuinely smile more often than not, seems to take her job seriously and, well, seems to be overall put together. Maybe, maybe she's actually OK with everything that happened? Trish wonders for a moment too long. She was staring at her and didn't reply to… Oh, when the private eye said that she saw it all and probably liked it.

"Ehm, do I have something on my face? I wouldn't think so. I took a shower before I came to bed," Jessica says trying to lighten the mood.

"No! Sorry!" She says it a little too quick and enthusiastic and Jessica just quirks an eyebrow in reply.

"OK. Let's not make this awkward, shall we? Join me in bed when you're... Ready in here?"

Jessica as the one diffusing a potentially very awkward situation? Trish didn't think she'd ever see the day. Maybe Jessica is OK after all.

"I'm exhausted," Jessica adds as an afterthought and walks back into the bedroom.

Trish cleans herself up and joins Jessica in bed. The latter is already asleep which is not that weird as she can fall asleep in any spot within seconds. It's something Trish is extremely jealous of. Jessica simply says you just have to close your eyes and think about nothing.

Easier said than done with the love of your life next to you, Trish thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys still with me on this story? Thanks for reading!


	13. AKA The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trish' first day back at work, a little bit of Malcolm & Jessica and, of course, let's not forget about the dinnerdate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments!
> 
> Trigger warning: homophobic insults during Trish' talkshow. It's just a few lines, but I capped it between horizontal lines, so you'll know what to skip. Trish' reply is not capped because she shuts them down like a pro.  
> 

When Jessica wakes up, Trish isn't lying next to her anymore. She checks the time and instantly regrets it. _Why am I awake?_ It's a quarter past seven in the morning. Trish is most likely doing her morning workout. _She could do me instead._ She sighs, pulls the duvet fully over herself again and falls back asleep.

**

She wakes up to the smell of coffee and Trish sitting on the edge of the bed, sipping on her cup.

"You know it's creepy to stare, right?"

Trish chuckles, not even trying to hide the fact that she was indeed looking at how she was sleeping. "Can't help it. You look so peaceful when you sleep."

She wants to throw a pillow in Trish' face but can't because of the steaming cup in her hand.

"You know..." Jessica trails off, not really knowing what she wants to say.

"Not yet, apparently." Trish quips.

"Well, aren't you just in a good mood this morning."

Trish' face falls and she tries to hide it in her cup. Jessica might still be half asleep but she did notice that. She tries to redirect the conversation again.

"So, where's my coffee?" Trish points to the bedside table next to Jessica. She didn't even notice it. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. I have to go into the studio, will you be here later?"

Jessica wants to say yes instantly, but she won't be. She has to find out the truth about Jennifer and, of course, prepare for their date.

"No, I have work. But I'll pick you up around 7 PM?"

Trish' face lights up. "That's still on?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Jessica already picked up on Trish' insecurities and decides that she doesn't like this look on her. Trish is the confident one while she is supposed to be the one that holds back. She's aware of the fact that Trish lets her set the pace in this relationship and is thankful for that but sometimes she wishes that Trish would be confident enough - in the relationship they have and especially in her - to just take the lead. Maybe it's something she should talk to Trish about. Later today.

She puts her cup down. "C'mere."

The blonde walks over warily, eying the taller woman sitting up against the headboard carefully.

Jessica takes Trish' cup and gently sets it down next to hers. She then not so gently yanks Trish into her on the bed.

"Stop whatever you're thinking. Yes, dinner is still on. No, there's no need to feel awkward. Yes, I meant what I said last night. And..." She kisses Trish softly before pulling away, "I love you."

**

Jessica is lingering outside the hospital. She's not really sure whether to go in and even where to go. She's not even sure why she's going this far. It's not like Claire has any reason to help her. If anything, Jessica owes Claire. It's always worth a shot, though.

She doesn't even know when Claire will come outside and whether she's working at all. Maybe she quit her job or got fired after what she did for her and Luke? She didn't even get her full name. She knows the woman was working the ER.

Fuck it, Jessica thinks as she goes in and finds the wing the ER is located in. _These things are like damn mazes. In and out, Jones. In and out._ Finally, she spots the ER and walks up to the desk. The lady doesn't spare her a glance as she furiously types away and stares at a screen. Jessica is not too keen on waiting but wills herself to be civil even though that hurts.

"Excuse me?"

Nothing.

She reads the nametag, "Excuse me, Debra?"

The woman finally looks up. “You can put the filled out paperwork in the tray on your right. It is possible that someone that came in after you will be helped first if the injury calls for it. Please understand and I'm sorry for the inconvenience." She looks so tired and it seeps through to her voice as she recites something she probably repeats at least two dozen times a day.

Jessica wants out of here, ASAP. "Yeah no. I'm looking for Claire? An ER nurse?"

For the first time now, Debra takes Jessica in. She seems to weigh her answer and settles on: "She's not in today, try again tomorrow around 4PM, lunch time."

 _How is 4PM considered lunch time?!_ "OK, thanks."

Debra's attention is already turned back towards the screen.

_Is this what it feels like when I ignore people?_

**

Meanwhile, Trish is at the station. It feels good being back here again. This is her place to feel totally at ease; it's her playground.

Her new assistant frantically runs around the hallway towards her. "Miss. Walker, I -"

"Trish, Stacey, just Trish."

"Right, Trish, we have a problem. Stephen won't make it in time. His flight got delayed and there's no other possibility to be on time. But, I thought maybe you could do an actual Trish Talk today? Just interact with callers about whatever they want? Or pick a subject and stick around that?"

She keeps rambling on as Trish already zoned out, much to her embarrassment. "How about love?"

"What?" Stacey has no idea what Trish is responding to as she was just mentioning newest books and movies that Trish could discuss.

"Today's topic can be about love, right?" Trish says with a shy smile that Stacey doesn't notice.

Stacey lights up at the knowledge that Trish goes along with one of her ideas. "Definitely, love always works."

**

Jessica is talking to Malcolm about the case when she notices the time and puts on her radio. Malcolm is slightly concerned that Jessica tuned to a station that plays some sappy song.

' _Maybe it's intuition but some things you just don't question. Like in your eyes; I see my future in an instant. And there it goes, I think I've found my best friend. I know that I might sound more than a little crazy, but I believe I knew I loved you befo- (..)_ '

Jessica almost chokes on her own spit and turns it into a mocking gag reaction for Malcolm to see. She turns off her radio again and sighs in annoyance. _Holy shit, those lyrics…_

"I was just waiting to hear what Trish' show is about today."

"You don't know?" Malcolm skeptically asks her.

"No, actually I don't..." She starts to question herself but is brought from her thoughts when she sees Malcolm smirking at her.

"Don't even go there, it's nothing like that." _Damn it._

She turns the radio back on and they hear the last of the song playing. ' _I knew I loved you before I met you. I have been waiting all my life_.' Jessica clears her throat awkwardly and Malcolm tries to hide a smile. Seeing Jessica all flustered (for no reason) is very amusing.

Finally, Trish’ voice cuts through.

**

"Dear listeners, welcome to Trish Talk. Unfortunately, our guest of today could not make it but rest assured I will make sure he will come and play for you all as soon as possible.

Right now, I want to open up the lines for you as we discuss today's topic about love. Does true love exist? Let me hear your thoughts on 1-800-TrishTalk.

Love at first sight? Love at first conversation? Love that grows from friendship? Love that -" She cuts herself off, "we have a caller! Good day, what is your name?"

"Hi, I'm Marc. I'm a huge fan of yours."

" Thank you, Marc. How do you feel about love?'

"I've been married to my husband for over eight years now. We got married in the Netherlands and the moment we could do it here in the States we renewed our vows. I love him to pieces and definitely think love is the greatest thing there is. It wasn't at first sight, however. We actually hated each other for no reason at first," Marc laughs as he replays the memories in his head.

"Well, that's great Marc! I'm glad to hear you found someone that makes you feel alive. How did you go about turning hate into love?" Trish asks genuinely interested and unaware of her assistant Stacey getting wide-eyed at the direction this caller was taking the topic.

"He actually punched me in the face for no reason and I stood there dumbfounded with blood dripping all over the pavement. He started to walk away but I wouldn't let him. He thought I was about to hit him back but I just told him that whenever he was ready to face his feelings he should come to see me. Of course, the stubborn idiot didn't come to see me and I was trying to get over him. I saw him at a mutual friend's party and well, he finally apologized and kissed me in front of everyone there."

Trish chuckles at the story, it sounds very cliché but cute nonetheless. She tells him this much and he agrees. Trish ends the call with best wishes to the pair. In the corner of her eyes, she sees Stacey tapping on the glass, but she ignores it and moves on to the next caller. That might have been a mistake.

"Good day, you're on Trish Talk. What's your name?"

\---------------------------------------------------

"Why do you allow these abominations to taint your radio show? They're disgusting. It's bad enough they tainted the holy act of marriage. Do you support them? Should I stop listening to this show? It's bad enough that I can't just shoot them on sight."

\--------------------------------------------------

Trish doesn't miss a beat in answering (but scolds herself for not cutting him off right away, though it's only fair with the freedom of speech and all): “Well, sir. It's your choice to stop listening if you want to. As for the support… I’ll definitely say that I’m supporting love. How we perceive and define love is subjective apparently, especially if I hear you talking like this. However, taking Marc, the previous caller, as an example I can definitely say I like his definition of love more than I like yours. At the end of the day, we’re all human and we’re all flawed. Nobody is perfect. I’m not saying that being gay is a mistake or a flaw, but I will definitely say that being this narrow-minded like you is. Also, it's a bad idea to threaten people on air. Thank you for calling!" Trish ends the call before the man could ramble on. He was in the middle of calling Trish 'one of them.'

Before taking the next call Trish speaks to the listeners, saying that love is love and that she will not accept any downtalking of any kind in this segment.

The next caller turns out to be sympathetic toward Trish. "Thank you for the way you handled the last call. I know you didn't quite say that you support the LGBT-community but I will say that I appreciate people as open-minded and loving as you, so thanks again, Trish."

The blonde is taken aback, not sure how to reply to this. The caller already hung up and there was a loud silence for about 5 seconds before Trish could speak again. She decides not to respond and just take the next call instead. Meanwhile, Stacey was getting frantic outside the studio and her manager joined in as well, handling calls of his own.

Trish didn't think that a subject such as love would turn immediately into an LGBT-discussion. She isn't sure what she can or cannot say as she will sort of also speak on behalf of the station as a brand.

The next caller doesn't need to introduce themselves but did anyway. Trish had no idea that she would be listening in. She wasn’t even sure if she normally did, did she? Now was not the time to dwell on it.

"So, Trish. Do you support the LGBT-community?"

She was hoping to avoid answering questions like these and normally, she could've but this was formulated point blank and avoidance in itself was an answer. She needs it to be the right one, morally, for herself, not the station. She wants to say that she is in a relationship with a woman, but they didn't talk about this yet. She wasn't even sure if she was because they didn't label it. What is she supposed to say now?

She's afraid to look to her right and out through the glass and at the director of the radio station that joined in with a few others to see how Trish is going to handle this discussion. She does anyway. She's relieved to see that he simply shrugs his shoulders as to say ‘up to you.’ It feels good that she's allowed to say what she wants on _her_ show. Truth be told, she actually didn’t expect it. Little does she know that he has a secret of his own. Stacey looks like she is about to faint and Trish' manager is still on the phone, frantically waving his hands around.

"I support love of every kind as long as it's consensual. If someone feels a certain way, who am I to tell them otherwise or tell them it's wrong? Real love can never be wrong; some goes for wanting to identify yourself a certain way. Everyone is different, everyone is unique and that's part of what makes us humans great. So yes, _I_ fully support the LGBT-community."  
  
The rest of the show goes by in a flash. Luckily, somehow they managed to redirect only the people who didn’t outright insulted others to Trish, and immediately disconnected the calls similar to the second person.

**

Trish is still sitting in the studio when she checks her phone, not ready to face the music outside yet.

My Hero (03.26PM): I couldn't pass up the chance to put you on the spot. You know that, right?

 _Of course, so typical. She should’ve countered somehow and make it about Jessica instead, but there was no way she could do that on air without revealing names._ She replies to Jessica’s text.

Mine (04.02PM): You're going to regret this. Also, I didn't know you listened to my show?

My Hero (04.05PM): I always do, even with shitty subjects like tofu.

Mine (04.05PM): Tofu is not shitty. It's healthy, Jess.

My Hero (04.08PM): Exactly my point.

Mine (04.08PM): I have to go. Some people might want to murder me at the station now.

My Hero (04.08PM): Do you need me to come?

_Yes, on my fingers, in my mouth. All over me, preferably._

Mine (04.08PM): No, I'll manage.

**

"Alright, I gotta go. Make sure to swing by the police station when you have time, and oh, before I forget... Can you go to the hospital around 4PM and ask Claire if she wants to look up their medical records? I figure she'll be more likely to say yes to you than to me."

"Why? What do you mean?"

"Nothing. You two just seemed to hit it off, that's all."

He clears his throat, "I'll see what I can do."

And with that, Malcolm leaves the office and goes back to his own apartment.

**

 _Holy crap, is this my fault?_ Jessica sees about three dozen people gathered outside of the studio. She walks straight through them and bumps into a few people but pays them no mind. She gives a nod toward the security guard and points her head towards the mob gathering outside. He lets her pass and radios in for back-up in case they decide to take the party inside.

She goes to find Trish and doesn't have to search far. She sees her through an office with all glass instead of actual walls. Trish has her back toward her and she's in a discussion with two other people that Jessica has no clue about. She decides to wait and leans on the wall and keeps an eye out for Trish.

One of the guys notices Jessica and her stance and immediately goes for the door while he signals the other to get the phone. The man thinks she's a threat.

"You can't be in here."

She's in the middle of explaining herself when Trish intercepts the conversation and tells them she's alright. She tells Jessica to wait a few minutes and finishes the conversation with the guys. She gives them both a firm handshake and leaves them to go and see Jessica.

"How bad is it that you had to come here?" She's slightly worried but also flooded with affection at the notion that Jessica came to protect her.

"It's going to get worse, I think. We should take a back exit. Are you done in here?"

"Yeah, I am. They all stand by my decision and they just told me that the station as a brand is going to take a stance with the LGBT-community."

"Alright," is all Jessica can say. She doesn't really care about it all. To her, it's live and let live. No need for labels and shit. She just wanted to provoke Trish on air. But now that she sees what kind of effect it had on her and others, she kinda feels bad.

Trish is ready collecting her stuff when Jessica stops her with a hand to her forearm. "Hey, I'm sorry. I had no clue of the impact it would have. I wasn't thinking."

Trish knows it's genuine. And truth be told she wasn't mad, not even in the slightest. It actually feels good to take a stance like that and do some good after all the shit that happened. She knows this can get ugly real soon, though.

"It's OK, Jess. I might just need a bodyguard 24/7," Trish jokingly says. She can take care of herself but maybe not against two dozen people at once.

Jessica grins at the prospect of being able to kick some ass if necessary. Of course, she hopes for Trish that it won't be. She escorts the blonde out of the building and they get into a black SUV that's being driven by Trish' personal driver; James. He drops them off at Trish apartment and Jessica lingers a bit before joining Trish in the lobby before going upstairs. Trish sees James nod and Jessica turns to meet her.

When they arrive at her apartment Jessica darts inside to make sure that everything is secure (which of course it is us considering all the security measures the blonde has in place). When she's satisfied she lets Trish enter and tells her to be ready at 7PM.

**

Jessica rings Trish' doorbell. Yep, she's picking Trish up as in a proper date. She feels silly as fuck but fuck it. She's actually wearing something new. Something she bought today, especially for this occasion. Jessica is wearing perfect fitting black skinny jeans, a black and gray form-fitting plaid shirt and, well, she's still wearing the same old boots but she made sure to clean them up the best she could. Draped around her arm is her nice black Andrew Marc coat. OK, it's technically not her coat, but she snatched it so long ago from Trish that the blonde probably doesn't remember that it once belonged to her.

Last, but not least, she found some ancient perfume in her bathroom cabinet that she suspects Trish might've bought her sometime in the past. She honestly has no clue why it was in her apartment but she had to admit that it smelled good either way. She checked herself out in her mirror a few times before deciding she looked as good as it was gonna get and left her apartment, but that doesn’t mean that she's not more than nervous right now.

Trish still hasn't answered the door. _Damn it, Trish_.

Jessica wills herself to stay put; to not run away. She busies herself with adjusting the sleeves of her shirt. She is in the process of shoving the right one up to her elbow when the door finally opens.

It reveals Trish clad in an amazing off-white dress that draws out the green in her eyes. The dress reaches just above the knees and shows off her long legs. She's wearing heels, which makes her similar in height as Jessica.

They are both wordlessly checking each other out. It's Jessica that snaps out of it first. "Wow. You look. Wow."

Trish beams at Jessica. "So do you." She reaches out to Jessica to peel off a sticker still attached to her shirt.

Jessica stares at the sticker in Trish' hands. "Fuck. I.. Ugghh…." _Way to go, Jones. How could you have missed that?! You just made a fool out of yourself, you idiot_.

"Went shopping, especially for me?" She smiles and flicks the sticker out into her hallway, obviously not caring she has to throw it away later.

Jessica clears her throat. "Ehm, yes. I couldn't take the great Trish Walker out in a t-shirt and jeans, both with questionable stains and tears, now could I? She retorts, falling back into her sarcastic walls.

Trish playfully jabs her in the arm. She takes said arm into her hands and begins straightening out the sleeve again before rolling it up neatly. Jessica just stands there trying to control her nerves. Trish is touching her so delicately that it makes her forget she's like the not-green-female-version of the out of control Green Guy. What was his name again? The Smasher? The Thing? The Hulk? She's lost in thoughts again and Trish takes that opportunity to kiss her softly on the cheek.

"What are you thinking about?"

"The Hulk," Jessica blurts out due to her nerves. _Really?! She's standing in front of you looking like… THAT and you tell her that you're thinking about the fucking Hulk?!_

Trish merely chuckles at this. She's not even slightly offended. She raises her eyebrows questioningly, prompting Jessica to continue her train of thought.

"No. I mean," she takes a breath and continues, "you make me feel normal like I'm not this Hulk-like weirdo."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes," she answers. "Are you ready?” Jessica extends her hand for Trish to take.

"One sec." she grabs her coat and puts it on before taking Jessica's hand, "where are we going to?"

"You'll see."

They get greeted by the doorman who holds the door open for them. "Looking stunning today, Miss Walker, Miss. Jones." He nods his head towards them. Just when Trish is about to ask whether they are going to walk, she sees a familiar car parked. Apparently Jessica took the liberty to include her driver in whatever she's planning. Jessica holds the door open for Trish to slide in. "Hi, James."

"Good evening, Miss. Walker."

"Alright, James. Let's go." Jessica chimes in after settling in from the opposite side.

Trish tries to make Jessica spit out where they're going to, but Jessica refuses to say so. After 10 minutes of going back and forth, James announces that they're almost there. "I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited," Trish says while placing a hand on Jessica's thigh. She leaves it there until the car comes to a stop and James gets out to open Jessica's door. She thanks him, tells him she'll text him when he needs to come back, before opening Trish' door herself.

They're in front of a restaurant that hasn't even been opened yet. Trish heard about the restaurant, it's supposed to be a three star Michelin restaurant. She's more than impressed but wonders how Jessica got them in before the opening and how in the world she's going to pay for this. As Jessica opens the door, Trish sees that they're the only ones there. Exclusive dinner for two?

The owner and star chef, Paul, comes to greet them. "Ah, Jessica, szo good to have you zhere," he turns to Trish, "Miss. Walker! It'sz truly an honor!"

"Well, I believe the honor is all mine." She shakes his hand and he beams at the two of them before leading them to a table in the middle of the restaurant.

"How's Beth doing, Paul?"

"She's great, thank you again for everyzing," he clears his throat. "I'm sorry that the décor's messy, we are officially not open zyet. Please sit down and I will be with you inza minute."

Jessica makes sure that Trish is seated first before sitting down herself. "What a gentlewoman you are, Jess. Should I get used to this?"

She wants to say 'no' and be her sarcastic self, but the way Trish looks at her is making that very hard at the moment. "Occasionally, I can be more than a jerk."

"So how did you exactly manage this?"

Jessica goes to tell Trish how she helped Paul get his chicken, named 'Beth,' back from a dishwasher-boy that stole it when he got fired. (Trish snorts, unsure whether Jess is messing with her but she seems to be rather serious.) It turns out that chef Paul is very attached to Beth and is like family to him. When she asked the favor and he asked her who she was having dinner with and told him it was Trish Walker, she almost had to pick up his jaw from the floor.

"Apparently, he's a fan of yours. I promised him a picture with you.

Trish bursts out in laughter. "I'm sorry. That story is hilarious. You never told me you took cases like that!"

"I needed the money." No way, she's going to tell Trish how quickly she caved when chef Paul was in tears over this chicken, telling her how Beth was with him every step of the way. From being a cook in some run down restaurant to now owning his own prestigious one. No way, she's going to tell Trish that it eerily enough reminded her how Trish was also there for Jessica every step of the way even when Jessica did everything in her power to push her away. No way that she's going to make the mistake of comparing Trish to a chicken named Beth. There's no way in hell Trish is going to let that one slide if she does. The biggest reason is that there's no way that she's going to let Trish know that she has a soft side; she has a badass reputation to uphold.

Chef Paul comes back with their first course of the evening. "Hmm, I would've thought it would've been vegetarian, considering what you just told me."

"Oh no, he loves meat and fish. The only thing he doesn't serve is chicken."

They continue through all three courses with ease. They talk about everything and nothing and everything seems so easy. Jessica finds it so easy to talk with Trish that it surprises her when it's actually almost three hours later. Time seemed to fly by.

She shoots a text to James, another one to someone else, and prepares to say goodbye to chef Paul. He's acting quite nervously and Jessica nudges Trish with her foot, remembering her about the promise she made.

"I would love to take a picture with you if that's alright, Chef Paul. Your food was delicious and I will make sure to come back often and recommend this restaurant to everyone I know!"

He beams up at Trish, thanks her furiously and immediately goes to grab his DSLR-camera and holds it up for Jessica to take. She takes a picture of the chef and Trish standing side by side.

**

Back in the car, Trish mentions how perfect this evening was. Jessica hums in reply, not wanting to give away that she has one more surprise for her planned. They reach Trish' apartment in comfortable silence. As Trish goes to take off her heels, Jessica keeps standing in the hallway.

"Why are you standing there?"

Jessica is momentarily distracted by the view in front of her but recovers quickly. "Go get changed in something a little bit more comfortable. Grab me a hoodie on the way back."

There's no use to ask Jessica what her plans are as she learned that the private eye is unrelenting. So she does what she's told as quick as she can. She puts her hair up in a messy bun and exchanges her dress for black jeans and a hoodie. She grabs another one of hers on the way back to where Jessica is still standing. "I don’t think I can leave the house looking like this. I have a reputation to uphold," she mockingly tells Jessica.

Jessica rolls her eyes at that. Trish looks perfect. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," the reply comes instantaneously.

Instead of going down with the elevator, Jessica leads them up the staircase. It only takes Trish a moment to know where they’re going. "Re-using other's ideas, I see?" Just as she wants to tease Jessica some more, the words get lost somewhere in her head before it exited her mouth. This was not what Trish expected.

There are a lot of pillows and blankets lined up right at the spot they sat at two weeks ago. There are little LED-candles scattered around and it looks amazing. There is a bucket of ice which contains a bottle of wine – her favorite and, of course, this time, there are two wine glasses tucked in there as well.

Jessica guides them to sit and Trish feels like she doesn't deserve any of this. Because this, this is amazing. She's been courted before but it was always way over the top and seemed not genuine. All of this made Trish speechless. This looked so out of character for Jessica's doing but Trish realizes that this is the part of Jessica that she doesn't show to anyone. Anyone except her. The notion that she's really the exception to every rule that the grumpy P.I. has, makes her heart swell with love.

Jessica remembered the little things. The salmon on her plate this evening was definitely courtesy of Jessica. Or how Jessica casually asked chef Paul for wine instead of the champagne he already brought along. Jessica remembered how Trish used to tell her how champagne reminds her of her Patsy past. She cleverly avoided certain topics she knew Trish would not want to talk about but at the same time allowed Trish to touch on topics she'd rather not talk about. The realization that Jessica opened up to her, for her, hit her. Looking up at the sky, Trish also saw it was a full moon.

"You're amazing, you know that? And don't roll-"

Jessica rolls her eyes just because she can, smiles and beckons Trish over. There's mischief in Trish' eyes and Jessica already knows what that means. She pretends to be annoyed and scoops Trish up to sit between her legs. Trish leans back and completely melts into Jessica's embrace. They're both more than content.

Eventually, Jessica breaks the silence. "Trish?"

"Mmhmm?"

Jessica fidgets with a loose string on her shirt and her fingers tremble. _Fuck, this is harder than I thought._

"Would you, will you... Would you... W-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry.  
> I would **love to hear from you guys.** The good, the bad and everything in between.. Thanks for reading!  
>  \- prec7ous/n7ghtress.


	14. AKA Ceasing Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Acceptance is the first step to recovery. Or the second. Or whatever. I'm trying, cut me some slack." - Jessica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Begins where the previous chapter ended.  
> Trigger warning: nightmare followed by a panic attack; violence; non-explicit rape talk.

"Would you, will you... Would you... W-"

Trish turns in Jessica's embrace and faces her. Jessica is still looking at the string on her shirt. Her mouth opens and closes a few times and Trish sees the uncertainty in her eyes. She lies back against Jessica's chest and just waits until Jessica is ready to ask whatever it is that she wants to.

Jessica takes a deep breath. _It's now or never._ She tries to be calm but it doesn't work as she spits the words out so fast and quiet, it's barely comprehensible especially near the end.  
"Wouldyouliketobemygirlfriend?"

"What?" Trish asks because she didn't quite catch that. She feels Jessica tense up due to her reply.

Jessica curses herself internally. Was she moving too fast? Did Trish even wants this to begin with? _Did I catch her off guard? Was this not a good moment?_

"Jess, I'm serious. I didn't hear you." Trish takes Jessica's hands and puts it around herself as reassurance.

Jessica takes a deep breath. She figures she'll go crazy if she left this without an actual reply from Trish. She places her head next to Trish' and looks straight ahead.

"I asked you… If you wanted to be my girlfriend."

Trish turns around again, effectively straddling Jessica now. She places her hands around Jessica's neck and looks into her eyes. She tries to stay cool and collected but her heart is beating out of her chest. She's pretty sure that Jessica can hear it. "Ask me again." It's not a question.

 _Fuck._ There was something in the way she said it. Demanding, low, sultry even. It made Jessica's body do things she had no control over. She swallows thickly.

"W-would you give me the privilege of calling you, my girlfriend?"

Trish bites her lip before smiling so bright it _almost_ seems insincere. She threads her fingers behind Jessica's neck and nudges her head down into a searing kiss; there's nothing tender about it. She nips on her lip to demand access which is granted immediately after. She fists her hands in Jessica's hair, down her body – everywhere practically. She wants more, so she pushes Jessica on top of the blankets and repositions herself in between Jessica's legs.

They don't stop kissing and Trish' hands roam every inch of Jessica she can get her hands on. Jessica is more tentative, more delicate but does push them flush together when the blonde pushes into her core with her thigh. Trish starts to grind against it while kissing Jessica's neck, biting down on her pulse point. She moves toward her collarbones to trace it with her tongue and starts to unbutton Jessica's shirt. Jessica's hands scratch lightly at the back underneath Trish' hoodie.

As Trish brings her gaze toward Jessica's chest she realizes that she isn't wearing a bra. "Jess, you're not…?"

It takes a second for Jessica to focus enough to reply. "Honestly, I couldn't find one. Turns out you didn't notice, so..."

Trish grunts predatorily, absolutely liking what she sees. She takes Jessica's lips in hers again and moves her hand between the valley of Jessica's breasts and slides it towards her abdomen. She revels in the way Jessica's muscles flex underneath her fingers and the way her chest gradually rises up and down faster and faster. She repeats the motion until Jessica involuntarily shudders beneath her. She breaks the kiss and moves to place small wet kisses from Jessica's neck to where her hand was moving. She kisses and nips towards one of Jessica's breasts. She swirls her tongue around it, making smaller and smaller circles until she reaches her nipple. She blows on it, cooling it down, before taking it into her warm mouth.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ She has to refrain herself from cursing out loud.

Jessica groans at the sensation and her hand comes up with the intent of holding Trish' head closer but she catches herself and grasps the blankets instead. She's so turned on, however, that she involuntary bucks her hips into Trish once when she stops grinding. She feels Trish smirk on her skin as she moves back toward her neck as she grinds down again. Trish' hands are cupping her breasts, pinching and pulling on her nipples.

Her underwear is definitely ruined by now.

Trish can't seem to get enough of Jessica's breasts as she keeps tongue-fucking one while she pinches the other nipple between her fingers. The lack of Jessica's hands on her body tells her that Jessica is trying hard not to completely lose herself and possibly hurt her. She wishes that Jessica would lose herself in her, in the moment, that she _could_. Maybe Trish should take Maya up on her offer after all.

Jessica is afraid, even in this moment she's afraid. Her head and heart are not on the same level and she hates that. She hates how he still has so much control over her. She tries to focus on Trish and the way she makes her feel – which is amazing.

Trish' thoughts quickly leave her mind as she looks up at Jessica and sees a tear stricken face looking back at her. She stops her movements but doesn't get off Jessica this time. Instead, she gently wipes away the tears.

It isn't until Jessica feels Trish' hands cup her face that she knows that she's been crying. She wasn't even consciously aware of it. Trish gently traces her hand along her jaw soothingly, silently telling her that everything is OK. That there's no pressure, no rush. "Are you OK?" she gently asks her when Jessica shies her eyes away from her.

"Yea, can we just..." Jessica struggles to find words and Trish interjects: "Of course." She gives Jessica a gentle kiss and slides off her and behind her. Jessica shudders at the lack of warmth and pressure on her body, but then Trish wraps around her body and nudges her to lie on top of her. Jessica turns around into the embrace and nuzzles her head on top of Trish' chest. The steady heartbeat she feels underneath her grounds her. It slowly calms her down as she counts the beats and matches her own breathing with it.

"Is this OK?" Trish asks. Jessica doesn't reply but shakes her head affirmatively. The blonde simply holds her closer in reply.

After a while of not speaking, Trish feels Jessica absentmindedly trace patterns on her abdomen while she's playing with Jessica's hair.

"You still haven't answered my question," Jessica whispers loud enough for the blonde to hear. Her voice is small and full of doubt. She's not sure if this little stunt of hers caused a shift in the blonde's feelings for her. Jessica feels broken beyond repair and isn't sure if Trish will wait for her. She's not even sure if she would if the roles were reversed. OK, that's a lie. She would. A million times over.

"What was the question again?" Trish quips, trying to lighten the mood. Sure, Jessica must know how she feels, right? It isn't like she lies like this with every person she can get her hands on. It's not like she shares so much of herself with any other person. There's no one that even comes close to making her feels all the things that she feels when she's with Jess. It all can be summed up as being home. Home is not a place for her. No, home is the feeling, the sensation, she experiences when she's with Jess. For Trish, it has been a no-brainer ever since their first kiss. She didn't want anyone else then and she doesn't want anyone else now. She can't even see herself with anyone else than Jessica. Of course, one can never know what someone else truly feels but she was pretty sure that Jessica felt the same. It was only reaffirmed when she asked the question. The way she asked it was adorable, Trish thought. It had a high school feel to it without all the high school mess that comes with it. To Trish, they were already steady a long time ago, she just didn't want to bring it up in fear that Jessica might not want to label their relationship. Well, she was clearly wrong.

As Trish thinks about the ridiculously sappy badass hero in her arms, Jessica tenses up at her non-committal reply. Jessica isn't confident at all. She's not sure if Trish wants to label it, especially with everything that's going on at her work at the moment. _Maybe she doesn't want me in fear of being treated differently or something. She is a celebrity after all. They need to uphold some kind of standard or shit. Being in a lesbian relationship still isn't as accepted as it should be and there's always… Fuck. The media will eat this up of course. Adopted sisters… I didn't think of that at all. We don't have to go public with it, right? I don't know. Fuck, this is messy._

Unaware of Jessica's internal dialogue but fully aware of the tension in Jessica's body, she puts her arms around Jessica's still bare upper body and tries to put all her love into the embrace. She kisses the top of Jessica's head as she picks up a blanket and throws it over them before speaking.

"Yes. I would love nothing more than to be your girlfriend. I love you, Jess."

She feels the stutter in Jessica's breathing and smiles contently. Trish' reply halted all the thoughts in the woman's brain. She lifts her head and places a kiss upon Trish' heart before returning to her position on top of the blonde.

Trish can definitely get used to days and nights with Jessica wrapped up around her – or the other way around. When she feels Jessica's arms reach under her to pull their bodies even closer to make sure they're touching as much as possible, she's sure that this is the place she wants to be.

**

They fell asleep on the rooftop. Jessica keeps shifting in Trish' embrace but is still fast asleep. The blonde woke up but tries to keep as still as possible. She isn't sure if touching Jess would be OK or triggering in any way. It looks like Jessica is having a nightmare.

Jessica feels the warmth of a body underneath her. She shudders at the realization. His hands are still around her, holding her close after the act. Pretending he loves her, pretending she loves him. Having someone force themselves on you, and literally inside of you, is the worst thing imaginable. It shouldn't even be imaginable; it shouldn't even be possible. She feels disgusted and violated. It makes her angry and broken. Her inner feelings are still hers, even if her mind is overtaken just like her body. He would tell her that she likes to please him to the best of her abilities. That she wants him to feel the most loved person on the planet. That she wants him so bad that it hurts her to the core.

And she feels all of that. Thinks all of that. Does all of that.

But somewhere among all that is a lingering feeling, telling her that all of this is not OK. That she has to fight it. Fight him with all she has. So, she is determined to do just that.

Right now.

She reaches for the heat underneath her and moves toward his throat. She keeps her hands there momentarily as she reminds herself that she has no choice but to take his life before he takes many more. She pushes into it but not with all her strength. No. She wants to make him suffer. To have him look her in the eyes when she ends it.

Trish sees hands come up to her neck. She isn't sure what Jessica is doing and doesn't have any time to react when Jessica swiftly blocks off her airways. She tries to speak. "Jess! JESS!" but the second time around the words barely come out. She traces Jessica's jawline like she did before and she gently tries to keep Jessica at an arm's length by pushing into her with her knees. She has no voice left and her vision is getting darker by the second.

_There's something wrong. He doesn't fight back at all. He keeps repeating my name. He touches me, delicately, affectionately even. Wait, what? He doesn't push me off him. He doesn't try to command me._

And then it clicks. He said Jess and not Jessie nor Jessica.

Her eyes shoot open and she immediately drops her hands from Trish' throat. The blonde coughs and tries to get as much oxygen into her lungs as possible. Jessica tries to get off of her but their legs are entangled and she falls down. Trish is still trying to catch her breath but she tightens her hold on the woman by clamping one of her legs between hers.

She can't. She can't stay here. _Holy shit, I just..._

"S-Stay," Trish manages to get out in between coughing and wheezing. "Talk. Don't run." Trish pats the space next to her but Jessica is frozen on the spot a few steps away. "You promised," she croaks out hoarsely, "Together."

There are tears falling down Jessica's face and that's all of her that moves. Slowly, Trish' breathing evens out and the spots in her vision disappear. Jessica is still standing there, unblinking.

Trish is determined to not let Jessica run away. She gets up a little too abruptly and her vision starts to fade to black while her knees buckle under her own weight. Before she reaches the ground, Jessica takes three quick steps and catches her. The blonde smiles in her arms. "Always a hero, huh?" It's something she already said once – verbatim. The circumstances were similar as Jessica blames herself for both times. This time, however, she has every reason to blame herself, although the blonde would surely disagree with that.

Jessica's eyes are transfixed on Trish' neck. It's already bruising. She feels sick. She lies Trish back down on the blankets and grabs the wine bucket just in time to empty her stomach's contents into it. She feels a hand in her hair and on her head and has to fight the urge to turn around and finish what she started. She has to consciously keep reminding herself that it is Trish. _It's Trish. No one else._

"It's OK, Jess."

_No. How is any of this OK? I can't even tell the difference between a dream and reality. I..._

"I need help," she says.

Trish is slightly taken aback. She didn't bring up the idea of a psychiatrist because of what happened last time. Jessica had kept refusing to see anyone and Trish eventually made an appointment behind her back because she saw that Jessica basically had no coping mechanisms at all, except for wallow in self-pity and hating the world around her – and drowning in alcohol of course. She had dragged her over under false pretenses and it took a long time for Jessica to trust her again. The idiotically stubborn woman knew that it helped her to go (the street names were stupid but it did help at least a little against a panic attack) but she couldn't just let it slide. No, the whole ordeal put a huge strain on their friendship. So that is why Trish didn't bring it up again, and that is also why no matter how annoying Jessica thinks that shrinks are and no matter how much she had wanted to punch the woman square in the face, Trish and her stupid ideas kept her alive and maybe it would help this time as well. It was worth a shot.

Jessica continues, "Can you make me an appointment with that shrink of yours?" _It's time for me to accept the fact I need help._

"I will," Trish answers, feeling proud at this huge step Jessica is willing to take without anyone forcing her to do so. She smiles at the progress Jessica is making; she's facing the problem instead of running from it.

**

Jessica slept at her own apartment for the remainder of the night. Trish only let her go after she made her promise not to run and not to avoid her. The blonde threw in an extra and insisted on driving Jessica to the practice before heading to work. Jessica let her, only if the blonde didn't go in with her. She could do this by herself. Yeah, she could totally do this.

Jessica is about to exit the vehicle when she makes the mistake of looking over at Trish. The blonde is wearing a scarf to hide the fact that someone tried to murder her, of course, that is how Jessica sees it. Trish was having none of it when Jessica tried to apologize. In her eyes, Jessica didn't do anything wrong. She's just haunted by all the things that happened and rightfully so. Also, Jessica didn't actually go through with it, so to Trish there's no harm done. Jessica remembers Trish's words: " _This is not your fault and I swear to God, Jessica Campbell Jones, if you leave me in the middle like this, I will hunt you down and make you watch the Princess Diaries for 24 hours straight."_ It was a joke and although it made Jessica feel slightly better in the moment, the amount of guilt was starting to swallow her whole.

She turns away but Trish catches her hand and places a kiss on her cheek before letting her go. Jessica waits until Trish drives off before going in while Trish waits until Jessica enters the building before driving off. They're looking at each other and Jessica raises her eyebrows in defense. Although Jessica is the one that suggested this, Trish is still worried at the private investigator would just take off and go into old habits. She shakes her head at the stubborn woman and smiles slightly when she reminds herself that, that stubborn idiot is her girlfriend. She decides to trust her and takes off with a wink toward Jessica.

Jessica takes a deep breath, turns around and storms inside. She doesn't give herself time to back down and run. She has to do this for herself, if anyone. She can't live like this any longer. This is not truly living, this is surviving. She's done surviving. She wants everything life has to offer and she wants it yesterday but will settle for tomorrow.

She wants her mind back, wants to get rid of the nightmares and yeah… She didn't tell Trish but she's still looking over her shoulder whenever she's in public to make sure that his face doesn't pop up commanding her to come back to him, or commanding the crowd to go and get her. She's still haunted by him night and day.

The private eye doesn't know what happened in between but somehow she's now seated opposite of the psychiatrist. It's a man. She only just tuned in to his blabbering and she catches him say something about Miss. Walker requesting him personally for her? _Wait, what?_

"What did you say?"

"Miss. Walker requested me to talk to you."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure, why do you think Miss. Jones? May I call you Jessica?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. I don't know."

He laughs. "So, that's a yes on Jessica?"

"Yes?" Wait, now she's confused. "Yes, that's my name."

"Glad we cleared that up, Jessica."

 _Is he mocking me?_ She unconsciously furrows her eyebrows at the thought.

"I'm ready when you are. Take all the time you need. We have a patient-doctor confidentiality so don't worry about Miss. Walker."

_Right._

"I uhmm.." She scans the room. "Can I sit over there?" She points towards the couch. He gestures for her to sit wherever she wants. She goes and sits on the floor and leans her back against the couch."

He smiles gently at her but doesn't leave his desk to move closer toward her.

She already told herself last night that she would talk to the woman, eh man. _Come on, Jones._

"It's... Just... I have nightmares and I act them out in my sleep." _Well, that's even better than expected._ She's proud of herself for getting right to the issue at hand and hopes that, that is it and they don't have to dive deeper into whatever it is that he's going to be saying next.

Nathan tells her – _Right! That's his name._ – that he could prescribe something to make sure her body sleeps when her mind does as well but wants to talk about the root of the problem she's facing. _I just did asshole._

"Look, is this really necessary? I just need you to fix me and not swap childhood stories with."

"Childhood stories?" _Oh, damn. I just made this 10 times worse. Fix it, Jones._

"This man raped me multiple times and I couldn't stop him. Before you go all shrink on me, I got to confront him about it and he said that he didn't know that I thought of it as rape and thought I was into it and loved him and…." she vaguely gestures around. _Fuck, I need a drink_

Nathan just listens and doesn't interrupt her much to Jessica's dismay. "I don't want to talk about it. I just need you to fix it."

"How would you like me to do that?" He asks her with what she thinks is some kind of reverse psychology crap. She tells him that much. He can't help but smile at that. "Rape is never the victims fault. Never."

Jessica rolls her eyes at that. _Well, isn't that the most obvious thing ever?!_ He continues: "This man, is he still in your life? You said you confronted him. Did you do this in court?"

"No. He's dead. I killed him." The words left her mouth before she could even think about it.

Nathan is momentarily stunned but regains his composure quickly. He's quiet for a moment. "I thought you seemed familiar," he states dryly without any form of judgment.

She expected him to report her to the cops. Admitting to killing someone surely isn't covered by patient/doctor confidentially. She expected him to be scared of her or at least wary somehow but he doesn't seem bothered by it. _Is this why Trish requested him? Or did she already tell him this?_

"Did Trish tell you this already?" He shakes his head and reminds her that the story has been all over the media. He only put it together when she spoke about taking a life and her name rang a bell he couldn't place earlier.

"Mind control?" He offers as a cue for Jessica to continue her story. It's been suggested and also sort of debunked in the media as a way to declare momentary insanity on Jessica's side.

"You don't think I'm crazy?" She asks him skeptically.

He shrugs. "So far you haven't given me any reason to think that you are."

She ponders upon this. Anything she'll say next will surely change his mind. Not that she gives a fuck about what this man thinks but she really wants to fix this problem or whatever.

"So, what's the procedure here, doc?"

"There is no fail-proof method, there's no method to begin with. We just basically wing it."

Jessica appreciates the honesty but it's not really the answer she was looking for. "Great, so what do I need you for, then?"

"To offer you different insights and give you some tricks to keep it together if necessary."

"So far you've given me nothing."

He doesn't seem bothered by this in the slightest. He seems to be able to handle her sarcasm just fine. "Are you always this defensive?"

Boom. He shot right through her.

She simply scoffs and starts to fiddle with her gloves.

He gets up to sit on the chair opposite of the couch. He puts his hands on his knees as he sits with a wide stance. He mimics how Jessica is sitting. She has her elbows propped up on her knees with her feet planted firmly on the floor.

She looks up at him and he's giving her a slight smile. It pisses her off so she looks at her hands again.

Neither speak for a while. Nathan is used to this but Jessica aches for some whiskey as the seconds pass away. When she can't take it anymore she blurts out: "I don't want him to have any control over my life anymore. He's dead for fucks sake."

The corner of his mouth momentarily shoots up. This is what he was waiting for. "Then why do you still allow him to control you. Why do you _give_ him the control?"

"Because he had it - and I couldn't do anything about it. I was merely a puppet, a figment of whomever I used to be."

"I'm not sure if you realize it yourself but you speak in the past tense. He had. He does not anymore. He doesn't control you, Jessica. You are your own person again."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I just did. You may think you know, but you don't. Or you don't fully believe so yourself. Why do you think your subconscious sometimes still think that he's still controlling you? You don't believe that he won't again, that he cannot again. You are afraid, Jessica."

She doesn't realize she has started to shake. _He's right. I'm scared. I'm afraid. How can I be sure he's really dead?_

"I thought he was dead before but he wasn't. He came back and made my life a living hell for the second time. He killed many people and ruined a lot more."

Jessica isn't sure why she's so forthcoming with this stranger. It feels weird to put her heart on her sleeve like this. She sucks it up; why?

When she realizes that none of them said anything, she looks up at Nathan curiously.

"What?"

"You were thinking about something, I thought I'd give you the time to organize your thoughts."

"I was thinking about the reason."

He urges her to continue with a hand gesture.

"That I told you so much already."

"And? Do you know why?"

"Yes." _It's Trish._ She doesn't elaborate.

"Want to tell me?"

"No."

He smirks knowingly and it pisses her off once again.

"I'm in a relationship and I hurt that person because I thought they were him but I was sleeping and... I almost killed them."

He looks at her curiously as she deliberately plays the pronoun game.

"Maybe it's best if you two took a step back while we work on your recovery? I'm not saying you should break up, quite the contrary. But I can tell you're really scared and that isn't helping you to move past this all."

She hates it but knows he's right.

**

Jessica is sitting on the floor of Trish' balcony as she stares up at the sky. She hates feeling like this, like she isn't in control over her own life; over her own actions and feelings. She's so lost in thoughts that she doesn't hear Trish enter the apartment.

Trish spots her girlfriend almost immediately. Heh, girlfriend. The thought alone is enough to fill her stomach with butterflies that she has no control over. Her whole face lights up but she isn't consciously aware of the smile taking over her facial features. She knows the two of them have a long journey ahead of them but the fact that they're in this together makes everything worthwhile for the blonde. She cautiously approaches Jessica. She leans on the door opening and simply looks at her while Jessica still stares at the clouds above them.

The blonde thinks that Jessica is still unaware of her presence. The truth is that Jessica felt her the moment she walked up to her. Minutes pass and neither speak. After a while, Jessica sighs and taps the space next to her. Trish silently and carefully sits down next to her. She doesn't dare to look at Jessica or touch her although she really, really wants to. She doesn't want to scare the woman off.

"Are you afraid of me?" Jessica asks Trish, looking her straight in the eyes.

Trish looks back at her like she just asked her whether the sky was green. "Of course not." She tentatively moves her hand to slightly touch Jessica who immediately takes it in hers. Trish completes the action by intertwining their fingers. Their hands fit together like pieces of the same puzzle.

"You're my hero," Trish whispers after a while. Jessica doesn't reply, she doesn't want to argue.

**

Trish convinced Jessica to sleep next to her, claiming that she won't be able to sleep otherwise (as she didn't the night before when Jessica left to sleep at her own apartment). Jessica relents and settles in next to her but she doesn't sleep. She keeps her eyes open even though she's getting pretty tired. The day was pretty tiresome and she doesn't even have alcohol in her blood to ease some of the discomfort, or thoughts, or feelings or well, to basically numb everything. She cannot risk hurting Trish again so she cannot fall asleep. She settles for staring at the ceiling while occasionally running her hands through Trish' hair.

When Trish wakes up in the morning, Jessica just blurts it out. It's no use to prolong the conversation or to ease into it. It's also not her style.

"I think I should move out."

Trish' heart stutters at the statement. "What? Why? Is it something I -"

"No, I think it's best for me. For _us_. If I do. At least until I have my shit together."

"So there is still an 'us'?"

"I only asked you yesterday to go steady. Do you want to break up already?" Classic Jessica, twisting words just to stop herself from getting hurt, resorting to her sarcasm.

"Never," Trish says with so much certainty that it makes Jessica's heart swell. The blonde puts a lingering kiss upon Jessica's cheek and agrees to her plan.

If space is what she needs, Trish will start with the moon and end with the infinite collection of stars. That's how much she loves her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t cover all the visits to the psychiatrist in this much detail but some of the conversations trigger something in Jessica and I think it’s important to be aware of that. She has a long journey ahead of her but the first steps are surely taken. Sorry, I rained on your parade but you must’ve known this was coming. It has always been my intention to include this. Jessica has a lot of issues and I can’t just Walsh all over that and ignore everything.
> 
> Granted, you may argue that I should’ve started earlier with all this in the story but I really wanted Jessica and Trish to have a strong enough relationship first and for Malcolm to be a little more involved before diving into this. Jessica needs a strong, solid foundation. Don’t worry, I will also address Trish. She may seem a little too understanding toward Jessica but just remember that everyone has a cracking point.
> 
> The good news is that they’re definitely official now. The moving out is essential to the plot, trust me. I will focus a bit more on their individual issues/problems/storyline in the upcoming chapters but there will still be more than enough interactions between Trishica. I mean, how can there not be?! Just remember that sometimes a little space is needed to grow even closer to one another.
> 
> I hope you'll stay with me for the ride and if not, thanks for making it to 14 chapters. - pre7ous.  
> PS. Next update might take a while!


	15. AKA Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for this final chapter of Part I. Unedited (I figured you guys waited too long already and I just want to finish this). That being said, enjoy :)!

Jessica is standing before her own door; _'Alias Investigations.'_ She smiles at the font Trish picked out the last time. It’s still not the same as the first one but the private eye doesn’t mind. At all. It could be Comic Sans for all she cares, it would still be perfect because Trish chose it.

She has a bag slung over her shoulder. Some of the clothes in there aren’t even hers. It’s not like Trish is going to miss it anyway. She hardly ever wore the things Jessica took; regular T-shirts and somewhat nicer jeans than Jessica owns. OK, a lot nicer jeans.

Trish reluctantly agreed to let Jessica go back to her own apartment. Initially, Trish wanted to turn her home gym into a room again but they both felt like that was not what they wanted either. They didn’t want to be housemates; they wanted to be together. It’s better to be together but not in the same house than in the same house but not really together. So here she is, back in her own crappy apartment.

“Fuck you and your ideas, Nathan,” Jessica mutters to no one in particular. She has another session today. It’s going to be a daily thing until Jessica either rips his head off or he fixes her. Whatever comes first. Probably the first, Jessica thinks. She’s willing to give it her all this time. Things are finally starting to look up in her life. It's just the past she needs to deal with now.

She and Trish spoke about her fear of messing things up and her fear of knowing some shit is going to go down and it will shatter them. Trish reassured her that she wouldn’t get rid of her that easily. On some level, Jessica knows that Trish will even forgive her if she does the most unforgivable thing ever but she is not about to find out. No. She’s going to do this the right way.

The black-haired woman flops fully clothed down on her bed. She looks at her hands... She tried to kill her best friend, her girlfriend, her everything, and all because of that despicable man getting into her head even after death. Thinking about it gives her a headache and makes her want to throw up.

Someone enters her apartment. She knows it’s Malcolm because he’s humming a song to himself. She shakes her head in amusement. Yes, amusement but she would never let anyone away with calling it that.

Silently, she gets up and rests her body in the door opening, just looking at him as he goes to sit in his usual spot opposite to her desk. She’s pleased to see that he doesn’t sit in her spot. Malcolm takes out his phone and types something before shifting his attention to the Jennifer case file. He takes a business card out of his pocket and puts it in there as well.

He still doesn’t see Jessica standing there, so she decides to just speak up. “What did you find out, Malcolm?”

The guy startles and literally falls out of his chair. “What the heck, Jessica?! Do you want me to have a heart attack? Couldn’t you just tell me you were in here the minute I walked in, like a normal person?” he keeps rambling and the corner of Jessica's mouth involuntarily curls upward.

“And miss seeing this?” she gestures to the visibly shaken guy on the floor, “never!” She nods her head toward him and gestures him to get up already.

“A little help would be appreciated, you know.”

She rolls her eyes but surprises both of them when she actually extends her hand to help him instead of just sitting down in her chair. “Thanks,” Malcolm says sheepishly.

He proceeds to tell her what he found out from the cops. He got to speak to the detective on the case who reluctantly told him what he knew. “It would’ve been great if you told me not to bring the case file with me. I had to talk him out of arresting me for stealing government property."

"Thought you'd figure that out for yourself. Always think a step ahead, if not, more." She's mocking him and he stares at her pointedly. She returns the gaze and lifts one of her eyebrows. He knows he won't win whatever he started so he clears his throat, averts his eyes and tells her about Claire.

He only mentions the bare essentials and leaves out the part where he was very nervous and made a fool of himself. Claire had called him Mack and he was too shy to correct her at first. She agreed to look if she could find some files but couldn't make any promises. She would call him if she had something. She gave him, her phone so that he could put his number in there. He wrote his number and as name he put 'Mack (actually Malcolm)' and went back to the home screen before giving the phone back. He basically ran out the hospital after that. Later that night he got a text message from her. It said: 'Hi, this is Claire. Why didn't you tell me your name was Malcolm and not Mack? I'm so sorry. You must think I'm a bitch.' He had stared at the message for a long time before he replied.

"Right, OK. Tell me when she has any news." Jessica can tell that he left some things out but gives him the benefit of the doubt for the time being.

He nods and asks her how they're going to pursue the case. She would go to his former workplace and figure out what he did exactly and talk to the guy again. Malcolm shakes his head at the latter idea. "Let me do that before you rip his head off." Jessica dramatically rolls her eyes but agrees anyway.

Malcolm is almost near the door when he turns around and tells her about the latest phone call he received. Some rich lady wanted proof her husband is cheating on her. She would pay a hefty amount since and he quotes 'money is no issue.' Jessica lights up at the notion. She needs the money to pay Nathan. And rent. And maybe some bottles of scotch. Just a couple. Or just one. Or none. She wasn't sure yet. Either way, she needed the money.

"Give me the details. This is easy money." Malcolm looks at her carefully or skeptically, she isn't sure. "No worries, I'm not gonna do something stupid."

 

**

They haven't said a word for over five minutes. Jessica doesn't know what to say and Nathan just waits until his patient collected her thoughts.

She sighs, "Can't you just say something first?"

"What would you like me to say, Jessica?" He asks in an eerily calm way that slightly pisses her off.

"I don't know, anything."

"Why don't you," he counters easily.

Minutes pass in silence again. "I did what you said. I moved back into my own apartment."

It's not what he said, it's what she took from his words. He notes to be more careful and observant of the way her brain works. He decides not to comment on it and asks instead.  
"And how do you feel about that now?"

"Really? That's an actual thing? Shrinks actually ask that? Why am I paying you? I could easily self-analyze this."

Nathan keeps a stoic face and urges her to self-analyze the situation. She just dug herself a hole. She didn't even want to talk about it in the first place and now she's going to analyze the situation? _He might have some skills after all._

Jessica huffs in annoyance. She gestures dramatically but with no meaning in particular. "I feel like shit but I know I'd feel worse if I stayed. I'm afraid to fall asleep with them around, afraid to hurt them when I have no control over myself. Afraid I'd kill them in an instant."

Nathan frowns slightly at that last statement but doesn't say a word.

"This is for the better but I really want to be able to sleep with them again. To be confident enough I'm not going to go rogue at random."

"And what would you advise yourself after hearing this?"

"To get it together and suck it up."

"And what would you say if I said that to you?"

"Tell you that you don't know what it feels like."

Saying something is always easier than doing. Just like saying 'I should have' is easier than to accept the mistake.

 

**

Trish is on her way to Maya. She didn’t tell Jessica but figured it would be fine. They worked out the differences and while neither of them could be called friends, Maya did offer to teach Trish some things. She did bring that book home with her that day and figured she could use that as an excuse to talk if anything. So, that’s why she’s now headed to the teahouse.

She enters and is immediately greeted by Alexandra.

“Welcome, Trish. Would you like some tea?”

“Ehm, no. Thank you. I came to bring this back.” She shows the book to Alexandra who looks wide-eyed at the ancient artifact in Trish’ hands. She furrows her eyebrows and asks the blonde where she got it from. Apparently, the older woman didn’t get the memo. “Maya gave it to me, is she home?”

Alexandra mutters something in a language she doesn’t understand and walks off. Trish roams the store once again, just keeping herself occupied with the book still in her hand.

Maya enters the store but doesn’t say a word. She observes the blonde until the latter looks her way.  
“Hi, Trish. What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to… Talk? And give you this back.” She hands over the book and thanks Maya who simply gives her a smile and slight bow in return. The gesture confuses the blonde but she doesn’t question it.

“Sure, would you like to come back to the Common Area?”

Trish has no idea what Maya means but nods anyway. The brunette signals for her to follow and Trish does. They basically travel the same way as Jessica did earlier. Trish looks intently at the intricate hallway they pass and wonders where it leads to. She doesn’t think it’s her place to ask – yet, so she keeps her mouth shut. They come before the wooden door again and the brunette signals toward Trish to open it. The blonde still isn’t sure how she exactly opened it the last time but she tries anyway.

Nothing happens this time. She looks back at Maya who simply shrugs and urges her to try again. Trish thinks about the last time she opened the door. She thought about Jessica at the moment. How Jessica makes her feel whole and alive. Although they sort of took a step back to work on themselves, the feelings still hold true – at least for her. So, she pushes the door open with Jessica in her thoughts and especially how the woman makes her feel.

Lo and behold, the door actually opens. She doesn’t know but Maya smiles behind her at the sight of the door opening.

Maya strides in and removes her shoes. Trish follows her example and does the same. The brunette puts the book back in its respective place and turns to Trish. “What did you think about the book?”

Trish is silent for a second. She did study it but most of it was in another language that she couldn’t decipher. Google didn’t help either as she couldn’t even begin to write or more like draw the letters. The pictures were interesting, though.

“What language is it in?”

“It’s ehm, an ancient language,” Maya tentatively says. She quickly changes the subject. “Have you thought about my offer?”

“I have, and I wanted to ask what it exactly entails…” Trish trails off.

Maya settles on the floor again and this time Trish sits much closer but still on the opposite. “First off, do you trust me?”

Trish has to think about that question. She does not completely trust her. Although Maya never really did anything, trust is still something that has to be earned not just given.

“Not completely,” Trish says honestly.

“Thank you.” She smiles at Trish. “Would you drink this if I did as well?” She points towards a steamy pot of brew and Trish has no idea how it got there since there doesn't seem to be anyone else here.

Trish looks at it warily. “Is it some more of that stuff that made me lose consciousness?”

Maya laughs. She tells her it’s exactly that but not as strong. Trish won’t pass out from it. It’s supposed to enhance Trish’ own abilities. Trish has a remarkable high awareness level which keeps her focused, calm and collected in situations others just get confused and either lash out or run away.

She drinks the liquid after making sure that Maya did first.

 

**

After getting the lady to pay half of her usual fee times 3 she assured her she'd get the shots but not to go all ballistic on her if she did. That is the biggest annoyance of doing this job. People pay you to get them evidence of things they don't want to be true. It's like you give them something they assured themselves of cannot be true, despite at the same time wanting it. People are confusing. She doesn't understand. Prenups with the 'you'll only get half my money if I cheat on you' are ridiculous. Why is money always an issue?

Then again, she needed money as well to survive so here she is, following some guy who finally left his work. Although it's already 8PM she sees him texting something to someone. His mistress perhaps? Her question is answered when the wife texts her to let her know her husband just said he's going to be working late again and doesn't know when he'd be home. _Alright, piece of cake._ She follows him around on foot, he's not even taking a cab.

She thinking wherever he's going is near, but they've already walked nearly two miles when he stops in the middle of the road and turns to face her from a block away. He looks her square in the eyes, she thinks. She looks at him briefly, making it seem 'accidental' as her eyes roam and resumes her walk like nothing happened. Like she isn't actually following him. He seemingly buys the act and keeps on walking. She ducks into the nearest alleyway she sees, makes sure no one is in it and jumps up. She follows him from the rooftops now. The man keeps stopping and looking around him to make sure he isn't being followed. Of course, he doesn't look up so Jessica can safely track him.

Her phone rings and she answers it with the Bluetooth headset Trish bought her. The only thing she hears is some heavy breathing.

"Trish?"

"Jess!" Trish all but squeals at her.

"Are you OK?"

"Oh, God. Yes."

"Are you.. Alone?" Jessica asks as it sounds like Trish is either eating something delicious or someone...

There's silence on the other line, as Trish seeming tries to process the tone in Jessica's voice, and Jessica is trying to keep her head in the game and her focus on the man she's following.

The man goes into an abandoned building and Jessica scouts it out from an adjacent building. She can see him walking around.

Trish finally breaks the silence. "Yes, sorry. I uh, it's not what you think. I'm just excited. OK, that's not helping. I meant... I learned a cool new trick today. I wanted to show you. Do you, do you have time to come over later?"

 _Oh.._ "Yeah, sure. Shall I grab some take-out on the way?"

"Nope, I'm cooking."

 _That's way better._ "Alright, I'll see you later, Trish."

"Later, hotshot"

"Wh-" Trish ended the call the middle of Jessica's reply.

"Hotshot?! What the fuck?!" She mutters to herself.

She doesn't have time to dwell on it as the man carries something with a rectangular shape draped over with a cotton sheet to the middle of the room.

Jessica grabs her binoculars to get a better look. When he reveals the canvas, she softly gaps at the image before her. It's a painting of his wife. It looks amazing as it is, but he takes out his paints and brushes and goes to mix colors on the palette.

Although she hates it that she's not going to get paid, at least he's not a cheating bastard. She does kind of feel sorry for the man that his wife doesn't trust him. Of course, she doesn't know their history so maybe her lack of trust was somehow justified. Either way, she takes a picture of what the man is doing and pockets her binoculars and camera.

She types out a message to the lady that hired her.

> He's definitely not cheating on you. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If you want, I can show you a picture but I'm sure he intended it to be a surprise. You will like it.

She looks at the message and furrows her eyebrows in deep thought. What the heck did she just type? That sounded absolutely nothing like her at all. Is she.. Is she beginning to give a fuck? Is she actually standing up for the man? Is she actually trying to not ruin the surprise? Is she actually putting their happiness before her paycheck?

_Wow. Damn you, Nathan._

 

**

"It smells delicious in here," Jessica says as she enters through the balcony.

"Thanks, h-Jess." Trish keeps talking in hopes Jessica didn't catch that nor asks about it as she hung up on her earlier.

Jessica keeps silent as she walks over to the kitchen where Trish is chopping up some bell peppers.

"Hmhmm," she pauses, "and why am I a hotshot?" Jessica asks Trish as she trails a single finger down Trish' spine. The blonde doesn't answer and keeps chopping. Jessica trails her finger up again and places a barely-there kiss  
where Trish' neck meets her shoulder. Trish stops chopping for a second and relishes in the feeling before resuming her chopping again.

Jessica winds her arms around the blonde's waist and whispers, "I think you're the hot one here" and licks Trish' earlobe for good measure.

"Fuck!" Trish yells out and it's not one of pleasure.

Jessica turns her around immediately, thinking she took the teasing too far this time. Her eyes catch the blood now seeping from Trish' hand onto her shirt.

"Oh, shit! Sorry, Trish. Let me get the emergency kit."

She starts walking but figures that she has no idea where Trish keeps that. She spins around and crashes into Trish who was following her.

"Oh, my God. I.. - " Jessica stumbles over her words.

Trish forgets about the pain in her hand and starts laughing at Jessica's facial expression.

"I.. What?"

Jessica feels completely disoriented and is pretty sure that Trish is getting delusional from losing all that blood as the light blue dish towel Trish grabbed turned purple from all the blood. She is still standing in the middle of the hallway when Trish returns with the medical kit.

"Some help will be great," Trish says with a not so straight face.

"Right," Jessica mutters while taking the kit from Trish' hands and ushers her onto the barstool.

"Didn't we agree that there wouldn't be a next time?" Jessica asks Trish as she cleans the cut.

"You can get exactly call this my fault, though, right?"

Jessica grumbles something incoherent. Her movements are getting a bit harsh like she's mad. When Trish notices, she grabs Jessica's hand with her uninjured one, guides it to her mouth and kisses it.

"I'm joking. Lighten up, hotshot." Trish teases.

It seems to work as Jessica releases a breath and makes eye contact with the blonde. They exchange a series of shy glances before Jessica abruptly stands up and kisses Trish on the forehead. She places a finger upon Trish' lips and shakes her head before proceeding to bandage Trish' hands.

"So, what's this 'cool new trick' you wanted to show me?"

"Well, okay. Sit down."

Jessica sits down and looks at Trish who is now fidgeting with the gauze on her hand.

"Trish?"

"Right. Okay," she mumbles to herself.

She tears up a paper towel sheet and puts it on the table in front of them. She takes a few steps back, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

It takes a lot of effort for Jessica to not tell Trish that she's not really into magic tricks.

Trish puts her hands out in front of her, shoulder width apart and focuses. For a split second, Jessica thinks the paper lifted up from off the table - but that was clearly the wind or something.

When Trish opens her eyes, she moves both her hands in a slow upward motion but nothing seems to happen.

She tries again but nothing happens. She grows frustrated and growls at her failed attempt.

"So… What is it that you tried to do?" Jessica asks gently.

"I...," she sighs, "Nevermind."

Trish looks defeated but Jessica is intrigued now. After giving her a pleading look, Trish spills.

"I tried to levitate the paper for a second or two." Her voice is almost a whisper as she looks at Jessica through hooded eyes.

Jessica sucks her lips into her mouth in an attempt to keep from laughing out loud. The corners of her mouth curl upward nonetheless. Trish sees the mirth in her eyes and glares back at her. It's getting too much for Jessica and she lets her laugh out.

"Hey! I'm being serious here."

In between laughing, Jessica manages to croak out that it's ridiculous and that she should've been a comedian instead of a magician instead.

Trish huffs and snatches the paper from the table and puts it in the trashcan. She stops at the kitchen counter and slams her hands into it.

"Why is it that you think you're the only one that can have abilities?" She shakes her head with her gaze cast downward.

Jessica tries to stop laughing and takes a deep breath, willing herself to speak calmly.

"I don't think that.. But, Trish... Really?"

"I don't even want to talk to you anymore. I just wanted to share this with you and you just go and mock me from the get go." She stops, to wipe the tears in her eyes that Jessica doesn't see. "I'm out and I expect you to be as well when I return. I don't want to see you right now."

Trish slams the door to her apartment shut before Jessica can get a word in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes part I of the series I dubbed "AKA Nightmares and Fairytales." I'm not sorry for the not so fluffy ending of this part. I kinda need it for part II where I'm going to throw you in the middle of something. And yes, I could be vaguer if I wanted to ;)..
> 
> Part II will be called "Gifted" and will have a (separate) storyline for Trish Walker that in the end will converge with Jessica Jones' somehow (I still have no idea what I'm doing). Also, due to my lack of outlining anything I have written thusfar, you will have to excuse my lack of alarm bells regarding some of the PI cases (especially the missing kid).
> 
> I'll probably start Part II after I've watched The Defenders.
> 
> Leave me a comment if you enjoyed the story so far. I might not reply but it does motivate me to keep going as I read and reread the messages of you kind people. Thanks for sticking around, see you guys in a few months. - prec7ous/n7ghtress.

**Author's Note:**

> I would **love to hear from you guys.** The good, the bad and everything in between.. Thanks for reading!  
>  \- prec7ous/n7ghtress..


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